PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 2763, 1 December 1887, Page 2

PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

Our Wellington Watchman. Wellington, November 30. In glancing through my somewhat voluminous Parliamentary Notes, written since the 21st instant, 1 am astounded to porceive—though one expects but little in these days from a.Ncw Zealand Parliament-how poor a •'halfpennyworth of bread" there has been to an " intolerable deal of sack," If one were to turn the whole business into farce under some such titlo as Dame Zealandia's School, no injustice would be done to tho actors therein. It (our House of Representatives) reminds me of nothing quite so much as a dame's school, of which Major Atkinson is the reigning and Vogol the deposed "cook." Atkinson's mental attitude may be described as that of tho triumphant small boy who, having worsted his rival, and having most of the other small boys at his back, places his fingers to his nose, after the fashion of the Parisian gamin, and grinning at his antagonist, says—"Yah!" Vogel, on the other hand, murmurs shrill defiance, as the juvenile who says—" Wait until my hand gets better, and then see what a licking I will give you!" while his Aid-de-camp, KumaraSeddon—a fat, bursting sort of a boy in a tight jacket -skirmishes round at a safe distance, metaphorically and actually bellowing out—" Come on ! come on!" Politically, I take Sir Juliu3 to be as dead as Julius Caw. Indeed he. is deader; men still read the late Mr Oiesar's commentaries, while the commentaries of poor Yogel fall flat on inattentive ears.

I have never believed in Sir Julius Vogel as a politician, nor have I ever had a very exalted idea of his cleverness as a statesman, but I certainly thought he was a clever man of the world, but a man who does not know how to accept philosophically defeat, caunotbe trulycharacterisedas clovor. Sir Julius demonstrates daily that ho has no philosophy which enables him to bear the inevitable gracefully, and without repining, and insteadof walking resignedly and with dignity at the wheels of tho conquering Atkinson's chariot, he writhes and plunges, and as a natural sequence, gets considerably dragged through the mud. This bad example demoralises his supporters who, disheartened, and not respecting their leader, have ceased to present the respectable front of disciplined and regular troops, but skirmish around like blackmilitiamen, Impless of any real victory, and quite satisfied if they cah occasionally waylay and >lluse. a straggler.

Then tho Major is not a concilliatory sort of aperson, His motto is Via vidus, and lis Sir Robert Stout once said, lie wears hobnailed boots, Sure of a majority, moderately certain that whether acceptable or not there is no one to replace him, Atkinson demands that fneuds and foes alike should bow to his yoke. A few nights ago he told the House in almost so many words that the country demanded retrenchment, that his Government intended to inaugurate that retrenchment, and that the sooner members cleared' nut of Wellington, and allowed the Government to get to work the better. Now this view may be correct enough, but the average man requires to have heaps of humility into him before he can stomach being told that he is useless and uot canted. The average New Zealand' senator has not heaps of humility -rather theothor way in fact.

Thegeneral impression among members on'bofch sides of the Housb is, I think, that the Government should bo allowed fair opportunity to prove its bona fides during the recess, that Christinas is near, that legislating in the merry spring-time is weary work,, that they have how relieved themselves of the eloquence previously bottled within them, that there is no chance of the Government being defeated this'session, and, consequently, the sooner they clear out, and permit, some work to be clone, the better for all concerned. At the same' time, they do not liko to be. told this,

Turning to my last letter, I see that in it I only arrived as far as Tuesday, 22nd inst„ and even then I grounded upon the topic of Mr Moses Moss, the member for Parnell. After Moss, Fish, of Dunedin, took up the running. Mr Fish is a new member, though no one would sus. puotthofaot. To say that Mr Fish's manner is confident, and that Mr Fish speaks as one having authority, would bo to do that estimable Dunedimte an utter injustice, Mr Fish has the colossal cheek of an Egyptian statue; the oracle of Delphi would have been silent, had he, she or it ever listened to the oracularity of Fish, and Solon would have taken a back seat in the gallery, had he heard tho words of wisdom distilled from tho lips of this Otago 'Hi Ham' in a dingy frock, and a festooned watch-chain, "Ideny I" "Ibelievol" "Jam satisfied !" " I disapprove I" are some of the lofty expressions which escape from this rather common common-councilman, But Fish will make his mark in New Zealand politics, if monumental impudence, a dysenteric fluency, and an impervious cuticle are-and 1 think they are-factors of success,

Mr Cockatoo Turnbull followed Fish, with his sagacious poll on one side and with a mute entreaty in his eye that someone would scratch it. He did not, lie said, apropos to some interjection by the Windy Phenonienon,beljeve in "pluck: mg a bird before ii was riue, no mutter how ardent these young spirits may be," In other words Mr Turnbull did not believe the time was ripe tp force o - i a revision of the tariff with the view to that prohibition winch some of our misguided politicians misnamo protection. Mr Turnbull is right, the time for prohibitive protection is not ripo, and the sun is uot yet built that will ripen it. At the same time I do not quite understand what Mr Turnbull meant by talking about a " ripe bird." Perhap3 ho meant a decomposed one.

Seddon, the inevitable and thundrous arose and shouted, "Come on! Come on!" Mr Seddon, said something more than these words. He was understood to be metaphorical. He said something moreover about "paramous" and "barnakklcs."- Ho gaye us too what there was every leaswn to believe was intended to me an imitation of the typical stage Irishman He had something to say about that old adage—' he,who runs and fights away."' The burden qf his. song wqs, however, f' ooine on! Ooiue on r ;or let lis be accurate—" Coom on I Coom on I" Fatiguing is Seddon—but ho well.

Sydenham Taylor did not want to be a party to any 11 obstruction, j l}e djd, i\ni want to 4e% the 'Ouse; he did no,t pre: tend tp be a tacktiphup, and Sir George Grey, who, though capable of infinite benevolence, cannot quite stand Taylor, took up his hat sadly and went out with a sigh. "1 am not a goiu'," placidly continuedSydpnhan], "to,B])illy : BJial|y." Ho tola ijs tljat ]}e gqt a letter 'every day askjng, "tyhat are you a doin' qf in Parljainonj J", What, i* sanely humorous

clog Mr Taylor's diurnal correspondent musk be to suppose that our Parliament was "adoin'" of anyfchink I

• The Phenomenon—his nose in air—arose .simply-to say he was as ignorant of something as was Mr Turnbull.

1 do not know what that something was, but tho proposition regarding the phenomenon's ignorance is not one I would care to dispute.

Mr Barron, a gentleman of an exquisito dignity, who is, 1 believe, connected either with the manufacture or sale of preserves, may, not unfairly, be described as a moat jammy senator. He pleaded that, we should proceed in a moro busi-ness-like manner, and this, I think was the first occasion o'n which I have had the pleasure of hearing Mr Barron. Dr Fitchett added his quota of words, and declared for a'protective policy, and his indifference to the delay of other business in its interest, sitting down with an air that suggested that he was open to spar any man of his weight (7 stone) on the merits of protection, and that" man and money, &c. &c."

Then Sir Julius withdrew his motionwithdrew it with a smile unutterably Hebraistic and subtle. But up jumped Atkinson full of fight. Ho was not going to accept this. He meant to have the matter [n revision of tariff) settled. A most sarcastic man that Mr Atkinson, He was ready to table a motion to the effect that in the opinion of this House the tariff .should bo revised, or he would get a friend to table a contrary motion. He meant indeed to "fix up" Sir Julius. He meant to fight, fair fight, or rough and tumble, whichevor his foo preferred. Then ho fell upon Mr Moses Moss, but that was like falling on ice—cold, slippery, and unresponsive. Mr Moss, interrupting with a fearful and frigid politeness, enquired whether the Hon. gentleman proposed to designate him (Moss) 'a virtuous innocent,' and Atkinson having signified that had been his intention, Moss, with cold-drawn irony, begged him not to do so, as he should immediately imagine himself tho reverse. Sir J. Vogel interrupted a little, and eventually, Atkinson, proposing an adjournment for the confidence or non-confidence motion he hankers for, -and Vogel, declining the ostentatious challenge, the irregular debate fizzled to a close, the House adjourned until Wednesday, and I wended my way home, plunged in profound admiration of Representative Government.!— as she is worked in the ' Greater Britain of the South.'

On the re-assembling of the House on Wednesday evening, the everlasting Midland .Railway Contract, and the Committee's report thereon camo on for discussion Sir George Grey pled for delay in order that certain returns connected with the value of the land proposed to bo alienated might be tabled. Mr Samuels hoped the Premier would not comply, as any further adjournment would cause the company very great inconvenience. Our patriots, by the way, are filled with profoundest commiseration for everybody and everything, save their countrymen and bleeding country, Mr Pyke opposed Sir George's request. He was alarmed, and ho might say astonished and indeed astounded at these attempts at delay. But then you see Mr Gadshill Pykc has himself a Bill, a little Bill, a little Railway Bill, which he desires to pioneer through— and a fellow feeling makes us wondrous kind. He jvas steeped to tho lips, was Mr Pyke, in solemn admiration for those beneficent railway companies that are grabbing our land. He was moved with adoiation for such companies as the Wellington and Manawatu, the Midland, and—-and the Otago Central. Here a roar of delighted ironical applause rewarded Sir John Falstaff Pyke, who ?lanciug at Sir George Grey with much of tho archness, vivacity, and hoary-headed waggery with which his sjreat prototype was'wont to regard Prince Henry—thereon put in a a good word for the "unborn millions," and witli this final, rib-roaster sank into his seat, laved by the mountainous billows of his own guffaws, looking, if not saying : " Give me a cup of sack, rogue, Is there no virtue extant.

Mr Alleiwwho conquered our Robert —would like to say a few words and said thorn, emphasising thorn with a long and threatening foreiinger-the forefinger of fate 1 Mr Allen has a good voice, a swelling dominating voice, a voice whioh would sound well dwelling on the destinies of great nations, but which, discussing pavoohial sort of matters, seems as out of place as would be Bismark acting the part of a parish beadle. I aih inclined however to think—l am not yet quite certain—that it is m d pmkrea nihil, that there is nothing much behind the voice save good clothes, a presentable appearance, and a well-filled purse. Mr Allen's Parliamentary manner is dictatorial and somewhat pompous. He is a tempest in a teapot, but the teapot is wonderfully neat and clean, and the ware of which it is composed—if even only Brummagem metal—is yet very resplendantly polished, But this opinion is not final.

In this discussion the Phenomonen fired his impertinent popgun in the direction of Sir George Grey, who in his turn temporarily quelohod the Phenomonen with a phraso, Sir George is bitterly antagonistic to this Midland Railway job, and undeterred by MrPyke's satire, duly paraded again " the unborn millions." He was sarcastic also on the subject of the bonevolent gentleman whose only' object in life was the settlement of lauds; an object they fathered by holding thousands of acros of their own. We were giving away millions of aores to. gentUmen in London, whilo if we gave the poor man of New Zealand 50 acres we mado him sign a pledge that he never oxnectcd to get tho freehold of it. Sir George Groy rather overdoes the pathetic business; when ha speaks of the poor working man, it is too evident that he has the unfortunate of the Europeau cities in his minds eye, and he draws a picture of misery that does not and never did exist here; still these are no reasons why those snug young bourgeoisies, Reeves and Perceval, should sit and snigger at the ancient genikmah like two unwhipped schoolboys. I thing M" Corfo, of Christ's College. Christchurch must injudiciously have spared the rod and spoilt these children. I

Most of the remainder of Wednesday night was dedicated by Mr Seddon to stonewalling, in revenge for a Bill of lifg being thrown out. En passant he took a fling at our friend Mariana Monk, who with gentlo moumfulness admitted that ho had nqt the " lingual profligacy qf the Hon, member for Kumara,"-' Good for Mariana.

Thursday, the Midland Railway Bjll was again served, and the resujt of all the w°rl£ of the Qanjmttfcee and the talk whiph ensued regarding-the contract was that the House virfcually.approved of tho contract as amended, The country will understand thu Midland Railway business some day—and' to its cost. The only noticeable point in disQUssiqq JJy. Samuel's dolefipe of lawyers and ill>cojtx coaled'contempt of tho lay intellect, lawyers, according to Mr Surauei'B.spend a blighted'sort of .wutenct in persuading, f epploflbfto go tQ fawy The, ojfuvje. (So,

3) objected to in the contract was drafted ho asserted, by lawyera.in order that it should be "absolutely clear." In this ahdukhj cJw clause, however, Mr Allan promptly jumped upon' an omission. Mr Samuels had left out one word—money. Fancy a lawyer omitting mention of money! Let us smile, Dr Fitchott asked the. Colonial Secretary whether in this contract he represented the Company, or the Colony. A pertinent remark with good forethought in it.

On Friday wo had the good old Bible in Schools battle. The Rev. firing Fulton led off in his most lugubrious manner. His arguments were probably unanswerable; they were certainly inaudible Dr Hodgkihson spoke somewhat after the manner of a querulous Kentish farmer, cheapening hops, and alluded to Oliver Cromwell in the most affectionate way, as if he knew him well, though 1 always thought Oliver was dead—likewise Georee Washington, witli whom arid his little cherry tree the doctor seemed to be on the befit possible terms, Mr Buxton also preached, and so did Dr Tanner and many others. Mr R. Reeves was " on the horns of a dilemma," and the horns evidently hurt him. Mr D. Goldie was against the Bill j his Bpeech was very clear, calm and logical—for Goldie. Mr Bruce was somewhat noncommittal but impressive, adorning all subjects with a certain dreary eloquence Mr Blake made an original if short speech, opposing tho Bill as one likely to cause dissension—as evidenced in that House. Hobbs was impressively inaudible. Dr Newman made the speech of the evening, replete with stroii? commonsenso, and denyinu emphatically tho monstrons slander of lamkinism and vice aimed at the young of New Zealand.

Monday.—We had another exhibition of petulance, bad manners and bounce. The.way in which Sir Julius and hia six or seven henchman protested against their weakness by walking out of the Houss had not even the negative virtue of being funny. lam weary, and I am sure my readers must be, of allusions to these utterly childish Bcenes,

Tuesday evening (Nov. 29th) saw perhaps the first really sensible debate of the present session, the subject being the Land Act Amendment Bill—second reading. The topic was important, and by no means badly handled, but Heavens! it was dull, When I entered, all the galleries were full, and the House also fairly filled.LLor'n r ' 'ere 1 departed th«re was the abomination of desolation over all. Mr John McKenzie was first on his legs. His vis avis, Mr Buchanan, bestowing liia severest attention and most eagle glances upon his brother Scot, 1 am glad someone listened to the Mackenzie.s hand-in-pocket oratory. 1 would have liked to do so as a token of respect to a foreigner (Mac, is a Gael and talks the lingo), but human nature has limits, mid Mao. was wound up for twenty-four hours.

To Mr Mackenzie succeeded another grey-eyed man from the North, Valentine, to wit. Mr Valentine, in a whito waistcoat, and a rose, and the whole of his ideas on the smallest half-sheet of Parliamentary note-paper, favored us with some soft roarings also in Gaellic. 1 gathered he was in favor of " bonny" jifa settlement, and that was all I gathered. I could imagine circumstances under which Mr Val. would be an interesting speaker. If anyone suffering from insomnia took a dose of MrV. 's eloquence once overy two hours, he (Mr V.) would prove suotlung and somniforous, He would be as comforting as a hot-water bath, a basin ot gruel, and a tallow candle. Heisanico young man, and, although a Northerner, hangs out a smile gorgeous as a sunrise on the Indian Ocean. Placed in a large perfumed envelope, he would make a nice present to a young lady on the 14th of any February for the next ten years.

Mr Buchanan spoke, 'and spoke well. He is improving considerably in his elocution, and may bo seen any morniuf on the beach with stones in hia mouth, declaiming to the dead cats and mussel shells, Mr B. still bites off the tails of his periods, but with fast decreasing viciousuess. Anyhow, when Mr Buchanan talks he knows what he is talking about and a man who does that can give the mere jabberers points.

But the curse of Scotland was upon us, and when another Scot got up. 1 get out.