PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 27478, 12 November 1887, Page 2

PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

Our Wellington Watchman.

Anticipation was on tiptoe, and the ladies in the gallery in their very best bonnets, laid aside for a moment their eternal knitting, when Sir Julius Vogel on Tuesday evening last, proceeded hoarsely but emphatically',' to criticise Major Atkinson's Financial Statement, Tlie House was full, the strangers gallery was. choked, and despite the .atrocious, night, two fair and beautiful rows of seraphic ladies kept watch over the destinies of their country, and. like Penelope of old/ toiled 'at 'that' work : which is never done, but ever in hand. . .-■-,'. •

Talking about the ladies—wliose abject slave I am—reminds- nie that my own especial old lady, the old lady who is always faithful to her post in

the gallery, is beginning; ..to be slowly but surely shifted farther and' furfche'ivaway from was originally hers, and to which she ought ..ere this, have acquired pre-emption. She commenced life—parliamentary life—right over the bell, viz., in the 'centre of the gallery, but at every evening sitting some other female person jumps her claim, and the mother , .of ■ the, Gallery is, drifting,' drifting, drifting to the leeward; Penelope aforesaid told her suitors that she was ' weaving a shroud for her papa-in-law, 'but'the patron female saint ■ 0f... the .gallery must by this time have knitted shrouds for a large family of fathers and mothers-in-law. This indefatigable matron seldom rests even for a moment; when she does she pokes the end'of her immense.' knitting needle in her mouth, which* seen from the, opposite gallery, irresistibly ■■reminds one of a long" churchwarden" in the mouth of some portly Dutch Burgomaster. ■

I would like to be able to say with truth that Sir Julius Vogel's criticism of the Financial Statement was eloquent, exhaustive, and overflowing with ability. 1 should like to say this because it is always so muoh nicer to praise than to- condemn,, and the scribe who writes nothiag but amiable and sweet hogwash about public men, praising all and smearing eacli with a liberal allowance of golden syrup, ia sure to get himself liked.. But stern .truth compels me to say that the long and. apparently carefully mitten out tame-cat leading article that Sir Julius hoarsely enunciated, did not appear to me to be relieved by one spark of genius or vigor. Of course Atkinson's Statement was wrong in every respect, but even in Sir Julius Vogel's opposition and few and feeble attempts at sarcasm there was no life, no go. 1 should characterise the whole effort as a specimen of peddling but pompous, prolixity.

The effects of Sir-Julius Vogel's criticisms on different members were various... AH yawned more or less, some slumbered, and' Menteath and Scobie McKenzie, who. have taken to sit side by side, and who whisper; and take sweet counsel, together, like modern editions of David aud Jonathan, went out together and stayed out a considerable period, returning with (Several less shades of solemnity upon them than usual and several;inches of—ginger ale." I think both. David and Jonathan are" longing for the demise of King-Saul.

I have omitted;. to state that the. Gallery devoted; to the Peers was rather full, but it was, '.'and the Peers: therein looked down.upon • the lesser creatures,, and upon- Sir ; Julius—the spokesman of the* eyeningrr-with. that languid and well-bred condescension verging upon .contempt,, with .which-, probably, the. Deities of- Olympus gazed upon the human pigmies disporting themselves, Sir Julius did .not speak of Governors generally with that awe and reverence applicable to. persons of so lofty a calibre, but when he approached the subject of the Upper House, he was actually familiar. He, indeed, so far forgot the reverence due to sacred relics, that he on more thanorie .occasion poked: a quantum of Vogellian fun at the Lords, and some of these gentleman shifted uneasily on their seats, and moved their right hands, as Jupiter might have done when he was groping round for a thunderbolt. Pat Buckley looked fierce as Mars, and I think would have liked to dance upon the ex-Colonial Treasurer's coat-tail. But one touch of nature makes the whole world kin,' and when Sir Julius approached the subject of the honorarium, the attendant Peers pricked up their ears like old cavalry horses when the trumpet sounds "Feed"! . .

There was one and one only slight passage of arms. during the. evening between Vogel and the Premier, who, by the by, had a terrible cough which he fired off at intervals like " The Minute Gun at Sea." Sir Julius accused Major Atkinson of having altered his views relative to subsidies, to Local Bodies, and quoted Atkinson to prove it. " Bead the Statement," ejaculated the Major. Then there was an interregnum of silence, while Sir Julius prospected for the Statement, and eventually, he read the passage complained of. Then the Major, in tones heroic as those of the Captain of the "Kevenge," when he ordered his men to" Fight on I Fight on I" said, " Bead on I Read on I" and Sir Julius " Bead on," and lost "his place, and floundered and ohanged the subject, and said he" blushed" to speak of—something or another,; And the members laughed in a graceless fashion, and several of the reporters leant over, the gallery with the view'of sketching Sir Julius Vogel in the. act of blushing. Sir Julius. stoked up ai' little towards the conclusion of his 'speech; and eventually said'.he would now conclude, and jerked' out something; which was understoodio-be poetry-V when it was-well, but which seemed; to be poetry moulting—and ceased; ""'"-

; Hardly had the last huskiness of Sir Julius filtered upward through the ventilators when a strident ■" Si-ir I"' smote upon my ear.. I shivered and turned quite faint. Was it, could it be, my own dear Robert, or was it his ghost that thus revisited the" glimpsesof the moon ?"•■ I peered cautiously over the gallery's edge. Yes,.therethere beneath me, was the.old familiar, robust form, and the old familiarbald cranium in the old familiar • place. There, was no mistakirig-thit' smgoth; and shining pate." Had.not I many .'a time and oft—tempted thereto,by the evil one-designed to dropan inkstand on that, aggressively^shiny:head? and r had I not, by j resisted the hatefuUemptation during a long and weary session'?"and m I once again to be subject to thyj'wilea of the enemy of mankind.?- Mas too much I 'Judge my relief when someone muttered, ""Why its npf Stout; its George Fisher." So/it was, and George, dear boy! dont do it I Don't accept the mantle 7 which has fallen from Robert; dotft laugh the laugh of the ape.or laughing hyena; don't sneer and try to be smart. Be yourself George,'and. do'not-let the pot-

house tactics of the pot-valiant Soddon cause you to forget that you are a- big boy now, and a statesman. After supper, Honost John Ballance tuk thoflure. Oh! ho was oily, Oh! he was saponaceous was John, but he was infernally uninteresting, and so I said good night to the House, and will now. say the-same..to my' .readers. W