PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES by Our Wellington Watchman.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 2591, 6 May 1887, Page 2

PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES by Our Wellington Watchman.

: " Thursday, April 28. AS'expiation for my sins I meekly waded, tough fog and downpour to the' House on. the occasion of second readings of Employment of Electoral Acts'.!-Amendments, and Sills, My anticipating some small" excitements, which did not, however, eventuate, Indeed, the whole business regarded through the sour mist, which obtained inside as well as outside the House, seemed "A dull ill-acted Comedy." It was all profoundly melancholy anyhow. As it early appeared that there would be very little talking, at this stage of the Bills, I determined to emulate the sailor's parrot and do " a devil of a lot of thinking," The atmosphere of the House , is, however, uncongenial to thought, and so I looked around, recognised familiar faces, and indulged in a little limp wondoring. For instance, viewing the Hon Member for Dunedin West, I listlessly wondered why lie still wore the same sad drab liafc in which three years ago he was elected. • 1 knew it again by the stain on the side; probably a lawyer's tear had fallen there. This led me to wonder why this member, with Dunedin members generally, has a habit of diving one hand deeply into his trousers pocket when speaking ; whether at such moment lie suddenly remembered' a hole and a threepenny bit in said pocket; whether the threepenny was escaping through said hole, and whether Gaellic thrift suggested grabbing aforesaid threepenny before it rolled on the floor and was seized by some other Hon Member, Fortunately I recollected this pocket diving was an ancient habit of the Premier, and doubtless his confreres have imitated it as a delicate form of flattery, After such profound cogitation I felt sufficiently refreshed to wonder whether the -honorable member for Wellington South was ill, and if not why lie stretched himself out at full length along his scat .like a saloon passenger in a rolling sea, afflicted with what Mark Twain calls the " Oh my!"

Hereupon my straying eye lit upon another southern member, and it pained me to think that somehow in personal appearance he precisely filled my ideal of' the immortal Casby in" Littlo Dorritt"—so large, so bland, so benevolent, and with such ample, snow-white, patriarchal hirsute adornments. I 'trembled when I pictured how the good man would look should any ruthless hand .despoil him of that hair, that beard, those whiskers.

Again I wondered why another southern member went out so frequently, returning ever with an aspect of increasing humidity and geniality. Had I not reflected that members never leave the floor during a sitting except to prepare their speeches in the holy calm of silence and solitude, I might almost have been led to suspect that one or two of the Hon, Gentlemen " took sugar" in theirs, At an early stage a representative hailing from Canterbury way—very hairy, unctuously urbane, and with a certain secretive jocosity exuding from every pore of him—arose, and the House, rousing from its torpidity, at once commenced to " guy" him, but only succeeded in being undignified and noisy. <

Still wondering, I wondered why a solitary old lady brought her woolwork into the gallery and stitched away for dear life, and whether she would not have been more comfortable at home, until it flashed upon me that the old lady was possibly an M.11.R, of the future, and that she was naturally anxious to learn how the other old ladies conducted affairs. Finally I wondered why, when any member had fired oft' a notice of motion or question, he invariably grinned a wild, wide grin, looked dizily to right and left of him, and 011 discovering no one grinning, sympathetically, suddenly sat down—a saddened, squelched senator. But, enough won' ders.

■ The second reading—with no discussion worthy the name—of the Electoral Acts Amendment and tlio Representation Bills took many by surprise, but I think the studious quiescence of the Opposition just now presages their improved organisation, and a big rumpus in committeo, The member for Wakatipu, in the meagre discussion on the first of these bills, objected to any lengthening of the hours for voting in country districts, pointing out that voters who came in from outlying portions of electorates would be, by such extension of time, detained longer in' towns waiting to learn the results of the polling, and that meant, in too many cases, temptations to drunkenness, Members hereon freely interjected " Oh." Yet they must have teen perfectly aware that the objection—stated, as it was, in manly, straightforward language—was perfectly true, I was surprised, therefore, when far Robert Stout, the great boss teetotaller of the universe, rose to reply he could no better answer to the foregone statement than an Old Bailey sneer; indeed the Premier in reply indulges too freely in small, attorney-like smartnesses, and too sparsely in statesmanlike calmness and logic. Sir Robert opined that members should show their constituents better examples and induce them to become abstainers. Some members (the claque) detected a subtle joke in this brilliant remark. .

This reminds me that the Premier speaks far better than formerly, and has lost something of his pedagogical manner of treating-his audience like small and stupid school-boys; although his voice and intonation still irresistibly remind one of. a proud parish-clerk, who would like to preach the sermon. Moreover, I was astounded to find he

is actually developing a pawky something which the wildest imagination could not' characterise as facetiousness, but which is, compared to a feeble and flabby sort of humor,.

" As the moonlight to the 'sunlight, or as water is to wine." (Quotation, probably incorrect). At any rate Sir Robert sews to have been near someone recently who can appreciate small witticisms, and I must congratulate him upon his. survival of that surgical operation which: now enables him (after evident intense study) to.recognise a jokelet when it is explained to him. At his .present rate of progress he may possibfyhimself at the age of 80, or thereabouts, let off a venerable Joe Miller or two in safety to himself and the standersby. ' '

Tuesday, May 8, G.BO p.m. As I must despatch this before the House meets to-morrow, I cannot give you herein much exhaustive information about the Representation Bill. Indeed any one who looks to these sketches for any solid parliamentary instruction will be disappointed. Ido not pretend to offer your readers a dinner, but merely a snack—a "thumb bit" as it wore. There has been some small stir this afternoon on the motion for committment of Representation Bill. The first gentleman who planted his little scaling ladder against the wall was the hon. member for Nelson (Mr Levastam), and at the first bugle note of his attack, a number of representatives evacuated the fort, temporarily retiring from the floor of the House. Mr Levastam is not precisely a captivating speaker, he himself knows exactly what he wants to say, but no one else does. Before he was through, however, lie managed to " poke up" tlie Premier whom he designated a'! political philosopher," and quoted in that capacity against himself. Among other things Mr Levastam said that "he had not made the calculation himself, though someone who was good at ciphering had." Ho understood nine members would, under the proposed bill be taken away from the country and added to towns. The tone in which Sir Robert howled, "How do you arrive at it?" evidently recalled to several hon. gentlemen such terrible memories of youth that they instinctively looked around for stout copyboiksor slates with which to pad those portions of their attire where armour would do them most good, How glad the Opposition must be sometimes that the Premier is not permitted to use his cane. The member for Sydenham (Mr Taylor) arose and considered it most injudicious that any issue should be permitted to arise as between town and country representation—smiled, and sat down in the ceutro ot a gorgeous halo of self-satisfaction, Mr Downey Stewart also said something —I do not know what—but being corrected by the Premier, looked into his sad drab hat for some information the hat refused to supply, and subsided with a squashed expression. The Hon. Downey always wears an air as one who would say, "Oh the examination is nothing, wait till I oome to the cross-examination, then I'll give you particular s/ieol my friend ?"

Then arose in his majesty and might, the member for Mount Ida (Mr J. McKenzie) who stretched himself, pulled down his waistcoat, and quoted scripturo with all the aplomb of the gentleman whose name is not mentioned in good society. Mr McKenzie is an orator of tho highly • ornate • florid • young -men's-debating-society type. He carried us to the hushed aisles of the dim and sacred past. There we walked with the venerable shade of Orator Burke in the English House of Commons of one hundred years ago. Orator Burke has once lost himself in speechless admiration of the manner in which the English Commons had always accurately and exa'ctly reflected public opinion, Orator McKenzie agreed with his friend Orator Burke. The English Commons had always been the exact reflex of public opinion in England ; it was so one hundred years ago ;it was so now—only more so. The authorities to prove this were" without number, and could be produced at a moment's notice." Then by a perfectly natural transition Orator Mackenzie came down to the " Mikado," and with elephantine jocosity quoted a passage from that Opera, incorrectly, and with the joke left out. I was sorry for Mount Ida, because I felt that although the oration was utterly irrelevant, a ltyjf pint of midnight oil, (and quite p, quart of Scotch whuskey), must have been expended over its) preparation.

Now Or Newman-oalm, clean, cool, neat, pink, polite, and smiling, got upon his small but symmetrical legs, and made a little, gentle, drawingroom fun of Orator McKenzio's beautiful school-boy tliemo. And if the persons responsible for Dr Newman, would sew up the Doctor's left hand pockets, and persuade liirn that his right arm is not a stomach-pump he would make a very pleasing speaker—at a death bed. He talks English and was filled with admiration for " this most excellent Bill."

Then the Premier was called on to reply, and the first liveliness of the present session occurred, Sir Robert had spoken for two or three minutes, and was just reaching robustness when the Hon. member for Dunstan (Mr Vincent Pyke) addressing the speaker, asked whether he would be allowed to speak after the Premier. The roply was in the negative. Mr Pyke sat down--with an expression indicating an opinion that " Something is rotten in the state of Denmark." The Premiei' proceed. In two or three minutes Mr Pyke was again on his feet, this': time to enquire in indignant accents, wliether lie could speak is/ore.the Premier. " The speaker ruled No! and emphatically. . Storm clouds loured on the brow ofihe member for Dunstan. He safrp But the memory of this great wrong was too niuohfor the aged senator. 1 He got 011 hisivenerable He banged the books in front of him. Suddenly, as a small boy brings in firewood ~ too much

at a time —lie,-gathered;- ; -in liis arms all the books lie could see, mumbled something about " burking discussion," and staggered, like an ovorladen East Indiaman "going; free" under full sail, to the door, arrived at which he faced the chair with a withering, blighting glancej disappeared down the horizon. , Sir Robert again' ptbeeeded. But ■what is:this that cometh, beatmg;head to wind, deep laden? Behold 1 .onci !piore the-Hon Pyke,armed with .more pooka, more blighting glance 9, a whits rose in hisjbutton-hole, and volumin* bus -grants. He rejmireth to his desk, :'floppeth down, oneat a time; and witi Jgreat noise, the books; sweepeth th» iflouse with one large lightning flash of devastating wrath, with a baiig, to search for Various lion gentlemen thronged around him with condolences, but there I left him, refusing, like Eaohel, to be comforted, or as the snake to be charmed, charm they never so wisely.