HOW TO KEEP A HUSBAND AT HOME.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 6, Issue 1764, 18 August 1884, Page 3

HOW TO KEEP A HUSBAND AT HOME.

A few days ago a Defcriot wife was reading a newspaper article which tickled her almost to death. It was entitled " How to Keep Your Husband at Home," and it was about the Tory wife who turned the sitting-room into a saloon, and thus wedded her husband to his home and kept him in nights. k This Detriot wife cackled and J. grinned and cackled again, and vowed that she'd follow the plan to the last detail- That evening, when her husband had finished his supper and was making a rush for his hat to go down and see a man on 100,000 dollars' worth of business, the exultant wife led him into the library. There was sawdust on the floor, six big spittoons artistically arranged around the room, and a bar on which rested half-a-dozen ■A bottles of beer and a supply of beer w glasses. "My angel wife, may heaven bless you!" exclaimed the husband as he looked around and took in all details, Then he walked around and expectorated in each spittoon, and he walked up to the bar and swore like a trooper, and called lor beer. When ho had drunk it he kicked over the chairs and and said he was just as good as Vanderbilt or any other man. When he had imbibed some more beer lie kicked over the bar and broke the bot'les, and as soon as his wife began to talk politics he blacked her eye and went in to clean out the placo. When tho neighbors finally got the man quieted down things were endwise and crosswise all over the house, while half the neighborhood were hunting for a fire-alarm box and the other half for the police. When the hystericky wife had finally explained her plan to the mob filling the parlour, the husband sat up on end amidst the wreck and waved his A lists about and shouted— ' in zhis town I Nicesz wife in D'troit! Everybody come up'n drinz at my s'pense! Whoop! Wherezer man who wants 'er runs out nights!— Detroit Free Press.