THE FUN OF THE ELECTION.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 6, Issue 1745, 25 July 1884, Page 3

THE FUN OF THE ELECTION.

A contested etaction is stunning good ] fun for everybody concerned except £ the two or three poor devils who con- < stitute the most conspicuous figures in ' it. We would rather be anybody in a contested election than a candidate. ] We would infinitoly prefer to be the returning officer, because he gets fees ' and does not care a " tinker's cuss" j who gets in; or the bellman, because he rings up meetings and organises I small boys' cheers "at per dozen, not ( cracked 'uns, for all the gents, ' Hp ekally, for the small consideration of i one sufferin' quid;" and then " wotes nrter all for the cove as lie's nuts on." There are a multitude of pleasing fea- , tures connected with the situation of , either of these functionaries. They have everything to get and nothing ' k to lose. The unhappy candidate, on 1 the contrary, has everything to pay, 1 any number of sleepless nights and headaches by day, anxieties, telegrams, j inner wo .'kings of the perturbed gizzard from the wofnl funk, quarrels with ( men he really likes, cheek-by-jowl ' conferences and confidences with men ' he loaths the sight of, hard work, abuse, ridicule—and in the large : majority of instances a good licking to i finish up with. It is a sorry pursuit, politics, and we dearly love it. If ' there were a man whom we hated and yearned for revenge upon we would not waylay him and shoot him through [ the brain, because then lie would be at rest while we should not, We would not steal away the heart of his own and only darling, and marry her before his glazed eyes, because we should feel bmall when we wanted to give him a thousand pounds to take her back and m he wouldn't. No; we should get up a requisition to him to contest an election, and then when he was fairly in for it we should go on his committee and run up tbo expenses, and mingle with the throng and revel in his agonies. Nothing amuses us more in an election to hear the offhand, positive way in which the man in the street settles the event before hand, according to his own taste and fancy, and the last rumor he happens to have got hold of the last end of. " Well, I hear it is all up with Blugstrap." " All up with liiml Why lie's the finest fellow out. I heard he was going in flying! " Ah, so he was, but he's lost the block Baptist vote." " The dickens he baa ! Why has lie lost it f " Oh, well, you see, the Fire Brigade took him up, and that made the Baptists jealous, because they've always been at loggerheads with the Fire Brigade about the water'supply; a.id so he lost the Baptist block, and Snorkins has got it now; and so it's all up with A Blugstrap!" " Ha, I always thought he was a dufter, though I promised to vote for him, Hullo, there's Snorkins. Fine fellow, Snorkins. By Jove, I must just run over and promise him my vote, and tell him Blugstrap hasn't a show," etc., etc, Yes, yes, a contested electiou is a veritahh touchstone of human nature.—' Timaru Herald.' Don't die in tiie house.—"Bough on Bats" clears out rats, mice.bectles, roucheß, bed-bugs, flies, ants, insects, mobs, jack{i&bits, gophers, 7Jd-N, Z. Drug Company.