WANTED AN EPITAPH.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 5, Issue 1508, 13 October 1883, Page 2

WANTED AN EPITAPH.

He had been dining out, and, shortly after midnight lie found his way, by short' tacks, to the inner sanctum of one of our local. contemporaries. Ad- . dressing the sub-editor, who, at the moment, was cleaning the flics out of hisgumpot,he'said—"Mishrshuberror, you sheo before you a miszhabl man, wrecksh, ruinish, blighted hopesh, despair I Fryful drearash hauntsh me, and the end isb near I" As he said these words a solitary tear rolled down his nose, aud dropped into the subeditor's vest pocket. "Come, come,"! said Mr Clippings, gently waving his scissors in the air, "sho, sho, now, why this gloomy view of affairs 1 Let's be gay. In our last article on the evils of drunkenness we pointed out—" "Never," interrupted the stranger, " that subjeck will be resoomed in our nexsh. What I want; to say, Mishrshuberrier," and here he squeezed out another tear, "ish 'Let me like asojer fall,'and you shall write my epitaph. Will you, oh will you, chrishalise my shufferins on the 'mortal lyre,'" '!' Epitaph," said Mr Clippings, musingly, "unfortunately the young man who writes our epitaphs is now absent. He is, in fact, as this moment engaged consoling the younger members of the family of one $ his departed clients, but "—brightening up—" perhaps I could act as his substitute." " Exlent man, you shave in'life; thashish," corrected he," you shall record my death; - ; gohead." The first I shall offer to your notice," said the sub editor," is— Stop, trayeller, stop, and shed a tear, ,A .wqtterun lies buried here," ' i( Whash thash," rejoined the stranger, contemptuously, "call thash epiphapht Give us shomething; hot, strong,-and'sweet—no short." " Well," replied Mr Clippings, "how would this do— Homo sum, Which died of rum."

L " Mishrsuberrior," said the stranger, solemnly, "this is genius indeed, Accep my lifelong grashiskde—no, my dyin benediction, and shend in yrbill." And then the sub-editor ■gently pushed him down the last fire steps ot the long staircase at the back, and murmuring as he went, "Lay me in my little bed," he was seen no more.

Professor Huxley's report of the Salmon Fisheries of England and Waleain 1882 is very important, and'it ought to be perused by every one who takea any interest in the subject. Eight districts show aninorease at compared with 1881, amounting to 86,4001b of fish, v/hilo in for* there is a decrease of 72,4001b, A singular oaie came before the New York courts on July 12, In whioh Edward Banks, a colored hotel waiter, sued O. T, N. Oakenberg for 250d01s " blood money." It appeared the defendant in February last was found unconsoious id bed from gas poisoning and the physioians deoided that tram fusion of blood was neoessary to save his ltfe, Eight ounces were transfused from Banks,ior thg purpose. The latter claims he was promised. IQ, cents ft drop, whereas the defendant asserts he paid Bank Sdols in full for all claims.; 'The case was adjourned/ !