MR AND MRS SPOOPENDYKE.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 5, Issue 1508, 13 October 1883, Page 2

MR AND MRS SPOOPENDYKE.

THE HAPPY FAMILY RECREATE IN A SAIL-BOAT. I My dear,'exclaimed Mr Spoopendyke, bouncing into his wife's room and interrupting that lady in the purely feminine enjoyment of unpacking for the summer. 'My dear, there's no use trying to get along iu the country without a sail-boat, and I have bought, a 'nice one. . Come along arid I'll show I you how it works,'

'Ain't that nice I' giggled Mrs Spoopendyke, who stood in mortal terror of the water, and was afraid of anything shaped like a boat. 'Areyou going to sail it on the pond f ' At first I thought I'd sail it down the cellar,' growled Mr Spoopendyke, ' but the landlord was afraid it might upset the milk; then I thought I'd try the garret, but there's too much wind up there; so I believe I'll stick to the river, Hurry up now, and I'll show you the biggest boat in thirteen counts,, >

'lf it is as big as that it must have costa good deal,' murmured Mrs Spoopendyke, somewhat reassured by the. size of the boat. 'I am very glad you got a large boat, though, of course, the expense-—' 'What d'ye think I've been buying? demanded Mr Spoopendyke, with a flushed face; got some kind of a notion that I've invested my wealth in a salt marsh, with telegraph poles for masts haven't ye? Think I've been laying out money in a town site, don't ye?' Well, I haven't, and I haven't been buying a rural district with a rudder to it. It's a boat I tell ye-a sail boat—and it won't'come up here to make a formal ;call j so if you're going to£ee_it, you, want to go where it is. CoiMngi' and Mr Spoopendyke pegged off wij;h his bat pulled down over his ears and the expression of a veteran tar on his visage.

Yes, dear, replied Mrs Spoopendyke,

fluttering after, him. ' Say, dear, I'll stand on tlie shore and watch you sail , the tiling.* 'You won't dt) anything of the kind,' retorted .Mr Spoopendyke, ' I bought that boat for your pleasure as much as mine and you're going"to sail in it, When I want- you to stand on' the shore and watch.anythmg, I'll hire a man to drown himself, ;Nbw look at that boat. Isn'tsheadaißyJ See how' she sets on 'the 'water.' ■■ : > ' What are all - ; these clothes lines hanging -down from that stick«for ?' asked Mrs Spoopendyke, surveying the' yacht critically, ; 'Toplay Copenhagen with/ roared Mr Spoopendyke/ who wis .'not' at all anxious to be examined on the technical points' of his new acquisition, 'You take hold of these ropes,, and I, will slap your hands, and;then we!kiss. See into it now? Does the art of navigation begin to appeal' to your understanding? Now. you; get in, and I'll make sail," and .Mr Spoopendyke handed his wife into a cock-pit and began to tug away at his halliards. ' Why didn't you have a sail made when the boat was built {'inquired Mrs Spoopendyke, by way of encouraging her husband's labors with pleasant conversation.

'Because the man was sick,' anarleol Mr Spoopendyke, glancing at the head of the mast; to ; see' : what was wrong, ' Come up here; will ye!" he grunted, as he grabbed, the halliards again, 'There, confound ye,! 1 1 knew I'd fetch ye I" and he walked aft to examine the trim of his mainsail.' ' Hop does that set?' ,.■ " 'lt seems to be a little full in the back breadth,' commented owpoopendyke holding 6"n to the Naming with both hands. 'lf you cut a gore near that top stick it would be straighter.' . ? I suppose so, muttered Mr Spooppendyke, giving another haul at his peak halliards. "If I put a bustle on it, I imagine it would take the wrinkles out, Now, I'll get up that jib, and mind, don't you touch anything.' Mr Spoopendyke set his jib and pushed off. As his sail filled the boat heeled over, to the manifest consternation of Mrs Spoopendyke. ' What makes the thing tip so V she asked, scrambling up to windward, and grasping Mr Spoopendyke by the collar.

' Let down the centre-board, yelled Mr Spoopendyke, suddenly remembering the instructions he had received when he bought the boat. 'Let go that centre-board, quick!' I haven't got it! squeeled Mrs Spoopendyke. '! haven't seen it! We must have left it ashore I Oh. my 1' The last exclamation was addressed to a half-hundred weight of water slopping over the lee coaming. . "Haul away on that jib sheetP roared Mr Spoopendyke, who found he was going ashore on the other bank of the river',' ' Pull her in as quick as ye can! Let go of that 1" he continued as he saw his wife clutching convulsively at the peak halliard cleat. 'Let go the measely thing, will ye, and haul the jib sheet I' 'ls this itTgasped Mrs .Spoopendyke, casting the throat halliard loose, , 'or this!' and she let go the peak halliard, dropping the boom on Mr Spoopendyke's head and burying him under the mainsail. ' Perhaps this is what he means,' she soliloquised, as she hit on the jib halliard, and let it go by the run. ' Now we are sailing better dear. If it hadn't been for me we would have tipped over 1' "That's it I" yelled Mr Spoopendyke, struggling out from under the canvas. " That's navigation! You struck it from the shoulder first clip! All you want now is a quid of tobacco and « hitch to your breeches to b« a Cunard.?, steamer 1. Got through? Anything•■* else you want to do to this this measly k boat?. If you' had a compass in your it ear and a deck load of idiots, you'd : ;V only need a custom house inspector and a Hell Gate pilot to be a floating lunatic asylum!' and Mr Spoopendyke hailed a passing row-boat and vras < towed ashore ignominiously.

"I don't care," muttered Mrs Spoopendyke. as she scrambled up the dock, and followed her lord to to the hotel, 'I don't care, I may not know as much about a boat as be does, but if it hadn't been for me he would have been drowned like the dogs in August, Another time we go sailing, we'll bring the boat in the room, and wrap the jib sheet around us, unless it is too hot, and in that case, we'll sell the boai and buy fans.'

And Mrs Spoopcndyke toiled up the steps of the porch to tell the ladies what a delightful sail she had enjoyed and how much Mr Spoopendyke know about managing his new ship, / X fc _