A RAILWAY LUNCH.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 5, Issue 1466, 25 August 1883, Page 4

A RAILWAY LUNCH.

" Now, my dear," said Mr Spoopendyke, rubbing his hands gleefully and contemplating his wife from tho opposite seat with a pleasant smile, "Now my dear, suppose we take a look at the lunch of which we have had such remarkable accounts. If there is anything nice when a man is travelling, ii is a home made lunch, Develop the viands and let joy be unconfincd!" and Mr Spoopendyke laughed outright in anticipation of the gustatory delights in store for him. " All right," giggled Mrs Spoopendyke, opening the basket with tremb- ;' ling hands. " Now you hold that, and don't open anything until I get it all out," and Mrs Spoopendyko handed him a long roll of something done up in a course brown paper. "How much more rf this is there to get out f demanded Mr Spoopendyke, sniffing at the paper and detecting bologna sausage, a thing he detested. " What is this, anyway, a club to keep the rest of the lunch in order 1 Is this thing the'police, ijore'e. of tliis lunch ? Fetch forth' the law-abiding elements, if you've got any ! Never mind the executive of this feast, produce the labouring faction, the tax-paying end of the business!" "Here's some cheese," murmured Mrs Spoopendyke, and a pie and smoked beef and some herring, and—" " Haven't yo some salt somewhere V hissed Mr Spoopendyke, planting the bologna on end in the centre of the pie. " How'm I to quench my thirst after eating all this truck, unless I have salt 'I Where's the mustard that goes with these mercies 1" and Mr Spoopendyke drove into the package of beef and scattered the contents over his wife's lup. "I'll bet the balogna can whip the cheese in four rounds!" he yelled, hauling the offending sausage out of the pie and -jabbing it through the cheese, " Hurray ! Now, we'll sponge him off with the herring for the next round !' and Mr Spoopendyke seized a fish by the tail and slammed it into the bußket. " Don't 1" pleaded Mrs Spoopendyke, looking helplessly on. "I like those things if you don't," "Can't ye let the lunch have a little fun?" squealed Mr Spoopendyke, hammering at the cheese with the sausage. "Of course, you like these things! They're right in your line! All you want is a strike and a step ladder to lie a salt mine I Where's my lunch? Bring on the delicacies calculated to supply the wiistetissue of Spoopendyke! and the worthy gentleman drove the sausage clear through the pie and impaled the herring on the other end, "Here's a Charlotte, and a " commenced Mrs Spoopendyke. " Hand me the blushing Charlotte V howled Mr Spoopi-ndyke who had fixed his mind on cold chicken, and saw no realization of his anticipations I "Show me the Charlotte just budding into womanhood, and she shall have the pie I Give me-hey! What's that?" " This is a can of beans!" exclaimed ( Mrs Spoopendyke, brightening a little. "You know you always liku beans,' 1

"Let's have "em!" growled "Mr Spoopendyke, reaching for them. " What have you got to open 'em with?" . ■■• •-i^v "I'm afraid I left the .can .ppenfcr at homo whispered Mrs Spbppehdyke, rummaging through the basket;'' *•.;-'•<• " How d'ye propose, to open 'em, then 1" roared Mr Spoopendyke, setting his teeth and breathing hard. " Show me the spring that busts- this cover off I Guide me to combination of this stem-winding can of beans I May be this'll do it I" and Mr Spoopendyke again grabbed the Bausago and wont for the can,

"How'm I getting onT hoyolled, as the bologna flew in all directions, " Thiak you begin to smell thoso beans any more plainly than you did? Wah-li 1" he shrieked, as a huge chunk of the pork broke off short and landed in his ear. " This dod gastcd hog don't know who he's fooling with I Let me mtroducoyon to Spoopendyke! and he ground tho sausage flat against tho can and dropped tho debris on the floor.

" I don't know what we're going to do!" murmured Mrs Spoopendyke in great distress. ■'/.'. " Now watch the triumph of mind over beans!' howled Mr Spoopendyke, opening tho window and plaoing tho can on the sill. ' The reward of genius!' lie roared, as he brought the window down on the can,

Mrs Spoopendyke dodged just in time, and her unfortunate spouse caught the bean part of the feast fairly in front, and was covered from eyebrows to ankle.

"That's whatyo wanted 1" he gasped, tis the full extent of the calamity dawned on him, " That's what ye been trying to do 1 Dod gast the measily beans i" and Mr Spoopendyke made for the smoking-car, and was seen no more till dark.

"I don't care," soliloquized Mrs Spoopendyke, assuring herself that the Charlotte had not been injured. l: " He might have wailed a moment, and he would have had some cold chicken, But, of course, if he has made a lunch of beans, he won't care for anything else." And with this consolatory reflection Mrs Spoopendyko ate the chicken and Charlotte in alternate bites, and composed herself for a comfortable nap,