Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1090, 3 June 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

"Wood is tho.thing after alV'.ns the man with tho pine leg said, whontho dog bit it.; , ~,,, ; A poor excuse is bettor than none, and tho same maybe said of a dinner. ~' „. A. soft answer, turnoth away wrath, hut It Is different with, a soft corn. y , Auditor says that'"a child was ru'rioverby a waggon three and 'cross-eyed, with pantalets on which never spoke afterwards."' '• A woman's grief Is very short. If she loses her husband she'pines only ; fora tamdi-i : .. ■ WhatiS:the difference between id pulso. and a policeman!- One is always on the beat and the other always,off, ... .. .~, ~,'; . ~ , It is said that there aro seventy-eight methods of adulterating beer, And yet how' many thousands of adults drink it, . --•; ■ ■ i Tiiey'talk about tho brticlhg air of 'tho mountains, but the only air that can brace dp' tho im l :peounibusisa'millionnnire. ,'.• : .'' .; : • "Solaced in durance-vile by the radiant smiled of connubial love/' Translafion-His wifeweht; jto see.him in jail,-where he was sent for stealing.. ; Nutraog is a narcotic, which explains how it is j tnaUjconplp of glasses of plain lemonade ,with, a !little nutmeg,grated on top makes a man sleopy. j ,1 lady boing asked how many calls 'she made' ItWotlior'aftornoonreplied, ''Oil, t only made iseyon;' I was 1 Unfortunate to find dverybbdy "at ;hbme,". !: , - - ;'■'■'■> "' ■■ -.- . , ; Political corruption is the most loathsome: ;thing in the woriato tho man who cannot get an : office, while the successful candidate'fails to com-. prebend the term; , , ... .. . , .A widow lady, sitting by a cheerful fire, in a> imcditatiyo..mood, shortly, after,her. husband's, decease, jighed.out, !/hbiy,hodid ;likeagpodflrp!' I hope he is'goh'owheretlioy ;keob.good fires!" ■ ' , ' ', !' 1 suppbsd," said a quack', while feeling the' ; n'ulso' of a patient, " that you think iho a hum- > ;bug."—"Sir,'? replied the sick man,'«l perceive' :ybh:-can-discover a man's thoughts-by his: •pulse," ~. ■«■■■ ■■ •, ■ i ,■■ ~,,..-.- ■

j -."Yes.Mwi Mifflh," said ri visitor to horhostoss, ! '\deat ; little ; Emma lias your features, but I 'think she ; has. her father's, hair;"-!' ph, ; riow I ■ see," said, dear little Emma; "it.is .because. I.', h'ave.papa's hair that he wears'a wig." .' : . " ! Nover bo : critfeal on tha ladies/''was the" ltiaxlbi of 'anirish remarkable. for his homago to the Sox, "Tlid only waythat a true 1 gentleman will, over attempt to 100k 1 at tho faults '< ,offtipretty woman'is to shut hisoyos."- ; •'■ i, Sbrrle time back a wiWess was. examinod before ■ :a ParliamentaryiCommitteeiwith the-following : ; result j-r-Serjoant A. (to witness);,.." And-, on. Thursday, the.thprteonth, you say you called! bin .Mr.rJohes.t'.'.- .Witness: VI .did.;', Serjeant A.:' '"Andwhat did he say.?" Serjeantß. objected'' .to this question. Serjeant A; argued that it ; ■could be put], arid cited several precedents. The' juniors hunted up all the cases. Serjeant B 1 replied at length, and stated his precedents! These arguments lasted two :iioura.. The: Committee then retired to consider whether theques- > fa;should be put or not, and after an absence of about; an hour, they-returned, and stated that? at might ,be,,asked. Up.then rose:Berjeant A„< and.said to.wUhess: "And on Thursday,' the thirteenth j you say'you called on Mr. Jones J" WiWess: «I did/', Serjeant A. (with an air of fnumph): "Andwliatdidhe'say?" •' Witness-' "Ee wasn't at home,'» Tableau!