AM LIFE WUTH DE LIBIN' FUR?

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1079, 20 May 1882, Page 2

AM LIFE WUTH DE LIBIN' FUR?

' My friends, it pleases me exceedingly to behold such a vast sea of intellectual faces befo' me, [Sensation.] I kin almost eraagine myself lookin' down de aisles oi de Senate Chamber of the United States, [More Sensation.] De question, " Am Life Wuth Libin Fur J" has often been axed, an' I believe that several parties have put de same question from de rostrum, [Cheers by Shan, who hadnoidea what the word rostrum meant,] But I claim to be de only pussen in dis kentry who takes de negativ side of this momenchus inquiry. Iu de fust place we am bo'n, De fust year of our life am spent in cryin' wid pain and sorrow. We see ghosts. We have bad dreams. We am seized by de colic. Our troats am tunnels down which doy pour soothin' syrup, pwegoric, sweet mild an' what not, an' we wish we waß dead, [Sobs by Pickles Smith, who lately lost his grandfather.] What comfort dooa any boy or gal take up to de ago ob fifteen years ? Not a bit. De boys £>it licked an' de gals git spanked, an 1 dey fall down stairs, have de chicken-pox, git boxed up wid de mumps, an' have to w'ar clothes which have bin cut ober an' dyed, [Sensation by Giveadam Jones, as he recalled old recollections.] " From de age of 15 to 20," continued the orator, after pulling down his vest, " life am full of love and jealousy and bad fittin' coats an' gwin to funerals an' stayin' home from circnsses. Just as a young man gits to thinkin' dat he am happy he diskivers dat his sleeve-buttons are Gfteen seconds behind de Btyle, or dat his butes are the hundredth part of an inch too long, or dat bis coat wrinkles in de back', [Groans from Trustee Pullbaok, who remembered when he was learning the barber's trade in Richmond.] •' From 20 to 30 we get mar'd," continued the professor as a sad smile crossed his face. "We love an' court an 1 hire liberty rigs an' buy candy an' marry. What am de result? [Groans from all over the hall.] We have to pay houserent, an'.buy wood, an' go to meetin', an' git trusted fur groceries, an' put up wid kicks an' ouffs an' howlin' babies an' a doahyard full of miseries. [Long drawn sighs from 84 members.]

' Den we grow old, an' wo take snuff an' smoke clay pipes an' spit on de ca'pet an' jaw the ohill'en, an' finally die. [Tears from Waydown Beebe], Dat's life and its eand. Whar's de comfort? What have be foun' wurth libin' for] How much better if we had been trees, or fence posts, or picket fences 1 Life am a mad struggle. [Sighs,] We come up like a sunflower, an' am cut down, [Faint Groan.] To-day we may win de big turkey in de raffle—to-morrow we may have to pawn our obercoat to keep the stove gwine, [Significant winks and nods,] 'My friends, tbankin' you for your airnest an' inexplicable attenshun, an' trustin dat my feeble remarks will be productive of oberwhelmin' profit, I return you my heartfelt sympathy, an' resoom my seat.—Detroit Free Press, Lime Kiln Clob.