Short Story.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 199, 6 May 1902, Page 3

Short Story.

Butchered to Make a

Dultown Holiday

I am a motorist, an automohilist — what you will—shunned by my friends, and an object of respectful admiration only to the Johnnies on the street. From them at least, I may claim to have received treatment worthy of the name. Stay, am I thanking them needlessly—have I not provided them on each and every day with as much amusement as two school fights, a cat fight, and a dog worry put together. Wherefore the soul*of the small boy yearns for mv presenca and that of mv iron steed—hut. tl have sworn it, he will yearn till his soul sickens ere I gladden his sight again. How did I come to get the infernal thing. (You didn’t sav “ infernal.” didn’t, you ? Well, I do) Simple as falling off When f cume to Dultown for my holidays mv folks', thinking I needed plenty of fresh air, urged cycling, and as 1 already possessed some skill on the wheel. I readi y assenti d. All went menv as a marriage hell till this day fortnight—no. three weeks, it was a

week ago sin-’e the doctor took off the plasle- and the polite authorities with drew their protection from my diggings I met a .TJinnie I used to know at Home, awfully decent chap then—and he was agent for a motor ear. I was captivated. Fancy getting fresh air in great fine breath*, skimming over the land wi‘h the grace of a swallow, flitting like a wraith past village steeples and lowing kine, and stopping when dav was done at some village inn, there*to drink mine host’s nut-brown ale and amaze the gathering rustics, ranged around, with

tales of my demon flights. While in the fulness of my heart I spake thus my friend got out his spanner and lav on the ground to see if there were anything to screw up. It was with good humour in his eye that he suggested I should buy one and he straightway took me on board Away we went through Dultown’s only business street, frightening the wits out of inhabitants and horses. However, ray friend said that in this progressive age such incidents were natural and even the sudden death of a horse near the old mill wheel did not in the least shake his resolve to sell me that machine or die. Ho sold it to me, and after sundry explanations left by the next and fastest train. I was on the station to shake

him warmly by the hand and then I hurried to my lodgings and again inspected the beauty At least, when the paint dried it should be a beauty. That kink in the splashboard was where a byestaoder threw a rock, and one can’t expect to get paint to stand being run over by and running over drays and dogs. At least, my friend said so. There she stood, calm and dignified, filled as full of petrol as I was of enthusiasm, and simply desiring the electric spark of motion. I would skim over the country roads and —but I said that before ; just look back apiece. There was with me a Dultown man named Brown, for whom I had cherished undying hatred. I mot him at the gate, however, and, filled with the milk of human kindness, I asked him to accompany moment he consented. I will pass over the preparation —how I pulled at plugs and examined screws, filled her up afresh with petrol snd trundled her on the roadAs a matter of fact wo all trundled. Then, with assured confidence, we mounted, I first cautioning Brown that there was wet paint on the back of his seat, and being assured that at such a mbmcnt wet paint was as nothing. The cooks from the windows above beamed benignly on the tranquil scone. The hired boy shoved behind, and suddenly said, 11 Let her head go.” If I detest anything it is slang, but as it happened I had my hand on the sparking plug when I turned to reprove him. And, I say it mvself, her head did go. Brown simply sat on the road, his sninalcolumn being'jerked upwards an inch out of position, and tried not to swear, while the hired boy grabbed the wheel anb shut off steam. Then we resumed, and after playing about, dancing on one wheel and other frolics, she again started and we skimmed down the main street beautifully. amidsl smiles from the ladies at

me, I hasten to say. Brown wanted to annex them all. The men grinned—probably at Brown. I visited the cycle shop and procured assistance and a spanner to effect slight adjustments and give the small hoys a chance of burning their fingers on the engine. When we desired to go on again two hundred o. these imps followed us and tried to push, the machine slowing down ot its own accord so as to give them a chance. Then it cocked its nose disdainfully and

in response to my adjustment of the valves kicked up its heels and sent Brown face downwards in the gutter. He protested meekly and climbed in again, taking a small boy on his knee to keep him from feeling lonely. Once more we started, and I ran her into a side street past the school. A b>t of bright, happy-looking children played around and their joyous looks and shouts followed us to a bumpy niece of road. Here we stopped and brailed to retrace our steps and Brown shoved off, lesped in and was leaning back with a selfsatisfied air when he remembered the paint and sprang forward. At the same time I enthusiastic vlly put on full speed ; the car jumped one way and Brown the other, with the child clear. The car was npside down on top of Brown, I was

inside the frame and *he was going “ eyes out ” down the road in that predicament. He r I stopped her I cannot Ba y_gome good Provir ence must have guided my band or she would be going yet—but I did at last. Brown recovered consciousness at that and with the help of some children I picked (he gravoll out of his face and hands and mended his clothes with pins. Th- children desired to a»ay and help, but it was hardly a fit place for chfldren in the state of Brown’s temper and language. Ho steadily refused to mount again, offering a mall boy a shilling to lead him to the nearest asylnm instead.. I was naturally much pained at the accusations he made, but I ean stano anything now. I have killed two horses, a dog, three ducks, a pig, sundry fowls and frightened heart disease into twenty or thirty persons. My hair’s grey a and I have scarcely a rag fit to be seen in; I wrote to my quondam friend asking him to visit me, and bought a revolver to entertain him him with, but next day I saw an account of his brutal murder by a parson whom he deluded into buying the sister of my machine. When I pay the damage I have caused I am going to send a present to the parson in his prison cell. What will Ido with the »otor ? Soon you shall see. Ho, landlord, bring me a hammer, two pounds of dynamite and your largest exe and may the motor be more welcome where it is going than it is hcre O.A.W.