Newspaper Ideas.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 188, 13 August 1901, Page 3

Newspaper Ideas.

The “cockUuo’’ uau ; scarcely, be blamed if he views with dissa isfaction the existing state affairs, and sighs for a reduced tariff which Will enable him to clothe his children with somethin < hotter and warmer than cheap calico ffiur bags, and shoddy boots.—:Whangarei Advocate. '* , As federation of all the British States is bound to Supervene soon ; and as it is even possible thit our American cousins of the Unite! States may-join bur Holy Alliance, we suggest, that the best title for Hia Majesty is “ Emperor of the United British Slates.”—Waihi, “ Telegraph,” -It there was a possibility of bad times, the colony w*s never in a better position to meet them than it is now.—Woodville Examiner.

But without allowing even a tinge of wanton pessimism to prejudice our survey of thirfgi as they are, we cannot hdp descrying-features that suggest a slackening of the express speed at which we hare been travelling.—Taieri Advocate. You cannot, as human nature is constituted, g-*t away from the party system in connection With representative government. It must exist, above board br in secret. —Napier Herald. To ahAv his kind less towards the farmer, Mr Sadden onbe sarcastica’ly remarked that his party was responsible for the rise in the price of wool, but he is very quiet oh that topic now it has fallen. Palmerston Standard. Viewing the Ducal gifts in tbs cold light of after events, ono t finds refuge in the paraphrased quotation, “ Blessed is he who exuoctoth nothing, for ho shall nut bs disappointed.” Aleldde Quiz

Tne " Emolovm'nt of Children’ Question.--District Visitor : “ Just think of she language chitdre i hear in prxbbo!v,uses !” Savvy : “ -fust think of the Iv.igu ige they’ll ’ear at Vne when I’ve to turn but and felon it !” -Punca. City and Suburban : '*iTooting Be r -k (tuburbvn); “Oh, Mr Dish, wha'- horsi t that they are a'd looking at ?” Mr Dash (city); “That’sihe favorite, Miss Beck. Mi-,s Tooting Beck : “ Really 1 What a Wonderful creature. It seems to have run in evsry race I have ha'll - ! of ! Punch.

Her Prudent Look Ahead : “ I don’t think mhoh of a man who takes “No” for an answer,” she remarked, coyly Thereu ion, of course he nropoied again, an I was adopted, “But why?" he asked, “ did you refuse mi in the first piano-?" “ I was thinking of the future,” she replie 1. “If anything ever happens to mar our domestic happiness 1 insis up m having the sati-dacMon b{ saying that I refused you once, and only yielded fina’ly to your importunities.” Ready to marry: F,lend- “And so yon are to marry George 31implirae?” Sweet Girl; *• Yes, in a few waeks now It wilt bo a oaie of love in a cottage, and we,ve found a little gem of a place out m the country. We shall be s>p happy ” “ I should liks to meet him. Can’t yon have him hero to tea soma night?’’ “ impossible, my dear. The cook has left, and we are obliged to go to a restaurant f»r meals ”

With a OrioT;no0 : “I u-'vle stand you whipped my boy this mir-unz,” the angry father said, striding into th schoolroom after the ohild-en hi I been dismissed. “Yes, sir, I did.” the terrified teacher answers I ; “ but I did not whip him severely,” “This’s what I’ffi annoyed about,” die , rejoin.-1 ; “ yon didn’t hurt him at all. Now, look here, sir. rtiy boy ia entitled to »,« good a whipping as you give any other boy Just under-sand that;- If you slight him again yoh’U hear from mo in a wiy you won’t liko C5-o>i aft«rmo-J sir.’’

The Discreet. Briggs : “ Hello'l o;>ing to see your sweer.nn.irl, ?” Griggs; “ Not exactly. I’m going to her lionse, but she 11 not, tcsre." Braggs : “ Carious time ior a icw to Cill when the Object of hia affections is ndvent ” Griggs : “ Not at all. I’m going to rh ike a call mi her mother. If I iikc the old lady, I msy have something definite to say to Tdlie. ft is good judgment to move carefuly before annexing a mother-in law to one’s establishment' 1 ’ »•

Too Much of a G6od Thing.—.Jimsoa ; : Whit becom- of f ho man'-Who'had twentyaeyen med ds. -for. ••avioef people from drowning I ?'' Dock Worker; '‘'fie ,feil in one doy when he had thorn all on, and tele weight of ’em sank him.”

Word) From a Friend.;—Minnie; " There have been eo rhany chinges rung on the Word " Indy” that I arh inclined to think it is better to bo 1 just a plain Woman.” Mamie: " OerUinly, dear; th d is exactly what you are.”

Unreasonable.—Dorset: " Here’s your umbrella Was coining: along this way, and thought I’d return it.” Beoket; <> Ajl right ; dut I’d like to have it durthe last two weeks of rain we have been having ” DoraaV. "But. my dear fellow I re »lly needed it thAse two weeks.” H«*Took Hia Ring Away With Him, — " N ify, darling, will you grant ine Ahe favor before 1 go?” "Yse, George, I wilb” she said, drooping her eyelashes. “ What is the favor ?” , “ Only a little song at the piano, Inva. I am afraid there is a big dog outside waiting for me, and I'want to scare him away.”

Unsatisfactory.—" I’tfi gArA& to leave, tonm,” announced tha hoiksemua to her. mistress. ** Why, I’ve been doing half your work myself in order tofAduco you to stay,” replied the. lady. " Isn’t that enough ?” " answered the girl " But your holf 6f it ain’t done to. edit ine.” . The System ekolained—" I don’t understand .this bill. trUgglnsr,”, said binding. " You’ve got me charged with’ twenty-five bushels of Oita twice an the •same date, and. then a week later with two nlora Items. of twenty-five Bushels each, when I had only twenty-five bushels each time,” “Oh; dot vps all right. Mein son he Keep de books,.'and he tikes lessons in book-keeping,at de tsommeroiAl ooHeg*. Dot WM ddnble entiy.” ■*■'■■■■ J . 1