Alleged Humor. [By Scissors.]

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume II, Issue 153, 24 May 1900, Page 3

Alleged Humor. [By Scissors.]

It is a strange 'and wondrous fact, Peculiar to the age, That girls who don't know how to aot All go upon the stage. " Ladies and gentlemen," said the seedy looting individual, when he had been mevriiled upon to come to -ino pla'foi'n, " I "sull conless that I was once addio ..d to strong diink, but now—" " How long ago was that ?" called out somebody {com the audience The 'eel? inlividu.il ik\p ana l r > \ at thr> man who had lnteuupted him ,v* i sati c f-el hnn&elf ths,i. he hud been epcguioed "I should judge," he 'auvl, evifh ;u i> 1 of a man who was iiyuu^ to su 11 1 • his memory, " tint n, wa? In < „ r Libe^n and twenty nii'iut. ■s iiro." Thus it happened Jit» si'ejch uover >\. ma.de. A ea^e of family jars wag o^ t^** •' the attention of t? couple of Jui Pe?^, in <*i Southern Couit the ofherdjy. in I,s . to a qnpry from the Beneli the pi >. n u raplibd : " Yes. sor ; he would y. t d u a=? soon a1?a 1 ? he drew his wees s p 7 ' Polling Jn Pee: "And how di'i'lru ti^at you when he -was druo'j /" W *' Bad<xl, that's where tbe t ouble lv He wouldn't treat me at all.-" Mistress ol the House : My good nvn , did you eysi.- iane a bath! Tramp:*!,, mum ; I never took anything bigger tha 1 a silver teapot. " Roberts and Kitchener hava dealt L.> Bdeis some hsird knocks," rem.'iik I the observant boarder. " Vps," adat L 'che cios3 eyed bomder. "They maslo themselves veldt." Employer (insinuatingly) : It is an awfut shame fo rnnny of your relatives ha v died sii cc r th j opening of the foofcu,. 1 season. Omoa Boy: Oh, it don't ma -t no difEerencß to them ! They never tj / : no interest in the game, anyhow. "Mis'ae-s . " Mary, how was it I si V you tie.t your friends to ray calo,, 'I fruit '" Mjuy: "I can't tell, mn ,1 ,», for the life of me, for I'm suie I coy t A I the keyhole " . Mr Yonngliusband ; There ia no v • talking-il won't eat any more of y \, cooliing. Mrs Younghu^band (tearful, : And jou, — you - said — you were wii.i c to— die— die for me ! But, madarnf, tn t are worse things than ueath. Sirs Nswlywed: "Bpfoie we w• >? marri A you said tb«it my shahtest v ,h. should be your ia,A. ' Mr I\e\viy\\f- 1 : "i-iaetly. my lovo; but you have vi many vigorous and woll-d<>veloped wis^e . that I-am as yet uaable to decide a^ ti» wh eh is the slightest.

VrsxTOES to town t^-day will *»«■-- j money by buying heu tuoots, stu, i aud slippers from Berry's. All gu . - marked at lowest possible pncv- ,; sliders from Is qpwardtj ; ladies' sh;, a trofia '4a lid; men's good Sund-y " bdfis from 8s 6d. Eepairs a special^" tit' JJerry's. — Advt. Woods' Great Peppsrriint Gore ia; Cou^s-and colds never fails. -J s,4kl»r