MISCELLANEOUS.

West Coast Times, Issue 598, 24 August 1867, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

" Gbate" Companions. — The poker and the tongs. "This ia a net gain," as the spider said when he caught the fly. When are women fathers ? — When they are sighers (sires). Why is a mouse like grass ? — Because the cat'll (cattle) eat it. When does a mau become au ardent admirer of the prize ring ? — When he marries a rich heiress.

Why is a thief called a "jail-bird ?"—Because he has been a " robbin."

What is tho differeace between the gizard and liver wing of a fowl ? — Tho difference of a pinion (opinion.) Gold is universally worshipped without a temple, and by all classes without a single hypocrite.

It is fortunate for Fortune that sho is blind or else she might blush to behold the fools she patronises.

Hood said that the unfinished cathedral at Cologne looked like a broken promise made to God.

New View— (Contributed by Atticus).— The upper ten thousand in the metropolis. — Attic lodgers. — "Punch."

Change fob a Sovereign in 1867. — Going to Paris to see the Exhibition. — "Punch."

Shakespearian Thouh&t. — " When the brains aro out, the woman will die." — " Punch."

" Daddy, I want to ask a question." " Well, what is it, son ?" " Why is neighbor Smith's gin shop like a counterfeit shilling ?" " Don't know, son ; why ?" "Because you can't pass it," said the boy. The old man was carried off on a shutter.

Alphonse Karr, the gardener poet, has offered a bon-mot to the world. He was lately present at a banquet given by some of tha disciples of Hahnemann. Toasts were given to the health of every medical celebrity by everybody, when the president remarked " Monsieur Karr, you have not proposed the health of any one." 'Hie poet rose and modestly replied, " I propose the health of the sick."

Dining at the house of a gentlemau, where the Bishop of was present, Footo was in high spirits, aud as full of effervesence as a bottle of spruce beer. Tho bishop being angry at the entire usurpation of the conversation by Foote, after waiting with considerable impatience exclaimed, " When will that player leave off preaching ?" — "Oh, my lord!" said Foote, "tho moment I am made a bishop." Like all other really great men, George Stephenson held foppery and frippery in the greatest contempt. One day a youth desirous of becoming an engineer called upon him, flourishing a gold-headed cane. Mr Stephenson said, " Put by that stick my man, and then I will speak to you." To another extensively decorated gentleman he one day said, " You will, I hope, excuse me : I am a plain speaking person, and am sorry to see a nice-looking and rather clever young man like you disfigured with that finu patterned waistcoat, and all these chains an 1 fang dangs. If I, sir, had bothered my head with such things at your ago, I should uot have been whore I am now." ■ ,

Thoughts about Coaxs.— Coals arriving in London are like disobedient apprentices — they are first whipped, then sacked. Coals differ from most other articles of merchandise, for they are no sooner delivered to the buyer than they go to the cellar. A ton of coals makes twenty hundredweight ; but coals ordered from the Railway Company makes many thousands wait, so long have tho public to "order them beforehand. Coals in the fire are a light ; but the barge that brings them up the river is a lighter. Coab are not like the object of your affections — the dearer they are to you the colder you become. Bad coals are like bad husbands — they smoke, are always going out, and do not keep the pot boiling, Lord Piunket's Wit. — The plaintiff in a suit before Lord Redesdale prayed that the defendant might be restrained from suing him on certain bills of exchange, alleging that they were nothing but Mies. " Kite 3," exclaimed the matter-of-fact Chancellor, "kites never could amount to the value of these securities. I don't understand this argument at all, Mr Plunket." "It is not to be expected that you should, my lord. In England and in Ireland kites are quite different things. In England the wind raises the kite ; in Ireland tho kite raises the wind." It has been observed that there are certain images or combinations of words which would be called wit if they did not, by depth and breadth of thought, rise into wisdom, To this category belongs Plunket's defence of his becoming a reformer in 1830, after having been an anti-reformer in revolutionary times. Again we adopt Lord Brougham's version : " Circumstances are wholly changed : formerly Reform came to our door like a felou — a robber to be resisted. He now approaches like a creditor : you admit the justice of hia demand, and only dispute the time and the instalments by which he shall be paid. — " Eraser's Magazine." The Death of Charlotte Corday. — The last hours of Charlotte Corday, after having been condemned for killing Marat, the monster of the French Revolution, were spent sitting to the painter Haver, and before he hod finished transferring her features to the canvas tho "toilette des morfcs" had to be made, for. the executioner was impatient. Then came tho long drive in the tumbril from the Conciergerie to tho Place de la Rovolution. She was its only occupant that day, and during the whole of the v, r aj she stood upright surveying the crowded streets with interest. The progress was slow, from the dense multitude that thronged rouud tho vehicle to look at her. " Vous trouvez quo o'est bieu long, nest co pas ?" said Sanson once, when he heard her si^h. " Bah ! 110119 sommes toujours surs darriver." The savage howls which usually greeted the victims on that last journey were hushed into silence, or into whispered exclamations of pity by the majesty of her attitude, her youth, and her beauty. The sight sank with fatal effect into the heart of poor Adam Lux, whoso passion cost him his head three months latei 1 . At a window in tho Rue St. Honore, Robespierre, Danton, and Camille Desmoulins too were looking on as she passed. Her head fell amid a few cries of " Vive la nation !" She was not the only victim to the manes of Marat; twenty-one of the Girondist chiefs suffered on the 31st of tho following October ; and Verginaud was right when ho said of Charlotte Corday, " Ello nous tuo, mais elle nous apprendla mourir." — " Eraser's Magazine." News fob TnE Nubsert. — We are informed that an enterprising American publisher is about to bring out a volume of nursery literature, in which the stories and rhymes of tho " exploded old country" will be adapted to the tastes and understandings of young America. To illustrate this we shall venture on a version in prose of Humpty Dumpty : — " Humpty Dumpty sot hi3self o'i a tall rail. Humpty Dumpty dropt off his perch — ker squash. And all the equipages, and all tho liveried menials of an effeto monarchical system was just a one-boss affair as regarded tho sottin' of that unfort'net cuss on that everlastin' rail agin! Moral: — The skreekin bird of Freedom what roosts on tho zenith, with his head tied up in tho star-spangled banner, rather kalklates that monarchy is played out — some !" —"Fun."

After an animated debate, the vote of L 20.000 to Lady Darling was yesterday passed (says tho " Argus ") by the Assembly, by a majority of forty-two to fifteen. Tho principal speakers during tho evening were Messrs Jones, Levey, Bulfour, Langton, M'Cullouh, and Gillies. The argumentation on both sides of the question wore fairly exhausted, and seldom during the session have the oratorical powers of hon. gentlemen been displayed to greater advantage.

Commodore Eowley Lambert, C.8., who succeeds Commodore Eochford Maguire on the Australian station, is a passenger to Sydney by the E.M.S. Geelong, which arrived in Hobson'a Bay on the 10th instant. Amongst the other passengers on the Sydney list is Mr Ponsonby, E.N., and there are also several foreigners of professional distinction, namely. General de Vassoigne and Captain Hodebourg deßrosses, from Point de Galle : and Captain de Baurbel, from Calcutta. In the Melbourne list there is a Greek priest, from Bombay, and as deck passengers there are six shipwrecked British seamen from the barque Lady Lyttelton, which was sunk in Oyster Harbor, King George's Sound.

Vtoeure Hopkins. — John Hopkins was a wealthy London merchant, and resided in Old Sroad street. He was the architect of nearly his whole fortune, which originated in sonia highly fortunate speculations in the stocks and was considerably increased at the explosion of the South Sea bubble in 1720. He obtained the name of "Vulture" Hopkins from his rapacious mode of acquiring his immense wealth, which at his death amounted to L 300.000. On one occasion he paid an evening visit to G-uy, the founder of the Hospital in Southwark, who also was as remarkable for his private parsimony as his public munificence. On Hopkins entering the room, Mr G-uy lighted a farthing candle which lay ready on the table, and desired to know the purport of the gentleman's visit. " I have been told," said Hopkins, " that you, sir, are better versed in the prudent and necessary art of saving than any man now living, and I therefore wait upon you for a lesson of frugality — an art in which I used to think I excelled, but am told by all who know you, that you are greatly my superior." "And is that all you came about?" replied G-uy, "why then we can talk this matter orer in the dark." Upon this ho, with great deliberation, extinguished his new-lighted farthing candle. Struck with this example of economy, Hopkins rose up, acknowledged himself convinced of the other's superior thrift, and took his leave.