ALL ON THE CARDS.

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 4, Issue 202, 2 August 1860, Page 4

ALL ON THE CARDS.

[From Punch.']

IS6O. March 31. 7’he Prets newspaper announces that the Emperor of the French is. bent on a new piece of annexation, and is striving to obtain the cession of the County of Landau, which belongs to Bavaria under the treaty of November 1815. % April 2. 7’he Morning Post declares that the story is a canard. April 3. The Morning Chronicle declares that the Emperor would not have Landau if it were offered to him.

v/pril 6. '1 he Spectator alleges there is no such place as Landau. April 14. The Saturday Review refuses to believe that there is anything in the story, because the Press asserts it, but considers the Emperor capable of anything. April 16. The Morning Advertiser rather hastily asserts, on the authority of the post* script to an invoice of some Bavarian beer, that the Emperor has annexed the whole of Bavaria, which it describes as in Prussia.

April 23. Mr. Kinglake asks the Foreign Secretary whether lie has heard anything■ of the rumoui, and is desired to ask on another night. Asx\\ 24. Mr. ATinglake repeats his question, and is told by Lord John Russell that such questions ought not. to be asked. April 26. Mr. Kinglake renews his question, and is joked at by Lord Palmerston, who says that he thinks it highly probable that the Emperor has ordered a Landau to be built for him in Long Acre. April 30. The Times' correspondent hap pens to have just visited Landau, and there appears a graphic description of it, and of Vaubati’s celebrated fortress, with its 5 curtains, 7 bulwarks, 3 redoubts, 7 lunettes, 1 fort, 3 whole and 2 half bastions, and broad moats. A sketch of its history is also given, and an account of its manufactures of calico, woollens, fire-arms, copper, and vinegar. The Advertiser s notion that Landau is in Prussia is rectified by mention. that it is in Rhenish Bavaria.

May 1. Thus instructed, several members of the House of Commons give notice of questions on the subject. May 3. Air Robert Peel makes a speech against the Emperor, and quotes a good deal •if French. He demands whether lei on parle Francois is to be affixed on every country in Europe. May 4. Lord John Russell requests that all the questions may be postponed until the next Friday. May 11. Mr. Kinglake reminds his Lordship of the date, and is told that he shall have a reply on Monday. May 14. Lord John Russell states that he ha« received a despatch from Lord Cowley,

who makes no mention whatever of any Imperial intention upon the subject. May 18. Mr. Disraeli, on the motion that the House on its rising do adjourn to Monday, makes a speech setting forth his perfect conviction that Lord John Russell is juggling and pottering with the subject, and 'intends to betray Bavaria. He designates the ministry as Cartographic Regenerators. Lord John, in reply, defends his entire foreign policy, and deprecates offensive language towards an ally. May 19. The Morniny Advertiser announces that at the Privy Council on the preceding day, Lord Palmerston read a secret despatch stating that the king of Bavaria was going to abdicate in favour of the Count de Morny. May 22. The Morning Chronicle shows that Landau, having once belonged to France, ought always to belong to her. , ■ ■ ■ May 24. The Morning Post states that all the inhabitants of Landau, except two,, are eager to he annexed to France. May 26. The Spectator contends, that as Vauban was a French engineer, his works belong of right to bis own country, May 28. Mr. Kinglake gives notice of motion, that it is inexpedient that any landmark of Europe be further disturbed. Lord Palmerston made an excellent joke about Landmark and Land- au, and hopes the motion will not be pressed. Mr. Kinglake intimates that he will see about it. May 29. Mr. Pmch invents a masterly cartoon, setting out the whole question in the spirit of the severest satire, mingled with the richest humour, but it is evidently unfair to expect him to describe it here.—Office, 85. Fleet street.

May 30. The French correspondent of the Times gives a significant paragraph about the Minister of War having complained to the Emperor that the piovince of the Bas /Jhein is in perpetual danger of invasion on its northern frontier. Consols drop from 94 fto 94^. June 2. The Times states that the Emperor intends a certain further annexation on the German side of France, and calls on the Ministers to remember they are Englishmen. June 3. Lord Cowley, reading this, calls on M. Thouvenel, who declines, from religious convictions, to talk about anything except the Opera, the day being Sunday. June 4. Lord Cowley calls again, and M. Thouvenel is out.

June 5. Lord Cowley calls again, and M. Thouvenel is invisible, having got a bad cold (rheum). June 6. Lord Cowley calls again, and M. Thouvenel is gone to see his little boy at Ermenonville.

June 7. Lord Cowley calls again, and M. Thouvenel is gone to adjudge the prize of virtue at Meaux.

June 8. Lord Cowley calls again, and M. Thouvenel is particularly engaged witu a gentleman from Munich.

June 9. Zord Cowley writes to Lord John Russell that lie thinks there is a screw: loose. Zord John instantly telegraphs to his Lordship to tighten it. June 11. 7'he Times announces that Landau has been annexed to Fiance.

June 11. To a dozen questions in the House the Ministers reply that they have had no such information, and that newspapers are not to be depended upon. June 12. The Monileur announces that by the felicitous annexation, of Landau, the last trace of Waterloo has been effaced from the

map. June 13. The Morning Advertiser likens the .Emperor to the wicked Grecian tyrant, Caligula. June 14. Lord John Russell reads to the House, timid loud cheers, a capital despatch which he sent through Lord Cowley on reading the Times of the 30th, but regrets to state that his remonstrances have done no good, and be nobly denounces fraud and treachery, especially in sovereigns. June 15. The Debats says that Lord John Russell’s miserable insular instincts prevent his appreciating the grander conceptions of those who w»>rk in the interest of humanity. June 36. 'I lie Charivari exceeds, if po sible, its habitual stupidity, in a dialogue between Sir Peel and Lord Gladstone. June 18 (Anniversary of Waterloo.) Stanford and Mr. Wyld (M.P.) publish maps in which Landau is once more part of France.

A Wind that Blows Nobody Good.-- “ Those are the seasons of the year for suicides,” said Voltaire, “when the east wind is constantly blowing. 7’bat. wind is the evil genius of our island. The very beasts suffer from it, and bang their heads in despair. Those who are sufficiently robust to preserve their health during the prevalence of this accursed wind, at least lose their temper. Everybody wears a sullen face; and the minds of men are predisposed to the most desperate resolutions. It is an absolute fact,, that it was during an east wind that Charles 1. was de* capitated, and James XL dethroned. If you have any favour to ask at Court, he - added, in my ear, “never try your luck, except when the wind is in the west or in the south.’ Once a Week.