THE TEASING PARENT

Wairarapa Times-Age, 19 August 1938, Page 8

THE TEASING PARENT

AND A CHILD'S DISTRESS. SULLENNESS AND RUDENESS. “I didn’t ask .to be born!” one lad said in response to his mother’s oft- ■ repeated complaint of his lack of appreciation of her efforts on his behalf. It sound callous, but it was a logical retort, because unless service is given out of love and without compulsion it has nothing to make it beautiful. The parents sometimes really enjoy —unconsciously—the feeling of martyrdom they gain from their parental self-sacrifice, and consequently carry as many burdens as they can, refusing to allow them to be lightened in any way. For example, they fail to cultivate habits of consideration and thoughtfulness in their children, preferring to do everything themselves. When later the fruits of this attitude show in the child’s selfishness and lack of appreciation for all they have done, they try to coerce the consideration they have forfeited by their refusal of help in the past. Then there is the teasing parent who is always annoying and irritating the child by making it feel stupid and inadequate. The child cannot understand what is funny in the situation, and the laughter that its remarks or its angercalls forth is a source of bewilderment to it. The parents, of course, are satisfying their desire for power by their ability to provoke definte emotional reactions from the child, and are also getting a certain amount of pleasure out of the child’s distress. The effect on the child's attitude tothe parent is that of withdrawal, because he or she is responsible for its constant distress. Sometimes the child is teased so much, or so frequently, that it becomes thoroughly bad-tem-pered, and retaliates in the only way possible for it at ttie time, by being rude; and then comes the added injustice in that it is punished for its inevitable response to a situation for which it has no responsibility. Another child will try to find protection in dumbness or sullenness, or by bullying and teasing another child. It is good to laugh with a child, to help him to see the funny side of things even of his own acts if they have any real humour in them, but to laugh at a child is cruel, becausq he rarely un-

derstands, and cannot protect himself. A rather interesting point is that the teasing parent sometimes shows what would seem to be the opposite characteristic, but which is allied to it, viz., the desire to be over-demon-strative with the child, giving and demanding obvious expressions of affection that the child, very often, cannot give. This tendency may be shown, of course, by parents who do not tease, but at any time it is not wise. If a child is naturally sensitive and reserved, such demonstration is difficult at any time, but, at demand, impossible. The more a parent demands what is not freely given, the more reluctant the child becomes to give anything, and its withdrawal from any intimacy becomes more definite. This shows so obviously that any parent who desires friendship and love from the child will pay attention to the danger signal, and will cease putting the child into situations that it so obviously and so naturally resents.