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Wairarapa Standard, Volume I, Issue 25, 24 June 1867, Page 4

Swift Among the Lawyers. —Dean Swift having preachsd an assize sermon in Ireland, was invited to dine with the Judges; and having in his sermon considered tiie use and abuse of the law, he then pressed a little hard upon those counsellors who pleaded causes which they know in their consciences to be w-i'oug. A hen dinner was over, and tbe glass began to go round, a young-barrister retorted upon the dean ; and after several altercations, the counsellor asked him. ‘ if the devil was to die, whether a parson might, lie found, who for money would preach his funeral sermon ?’ ‘ Yes,’ said Swift, ‘ I would gladly be the man, and I would then give the devil his due, as I have this dav done his children.’

“ Mr clear fellow,” said a waggish gentleman to a conceited friend, “ you have certainly been put to the wrong business.”—“ Ido not understand.”—“ You should have been a cooper ” A cooper ! ” ejaculated the coxcomb, in horror.—“ Yes,” said the wag, dryly, “a cooper, because you make such a capital butt.”

An Amcricat; Story.—The beautiful child of a beautiful woman was playing a flageolet on board a vessel in the harbour of Havana, when he fell overboard, and was swallowed by a shark, the crew immediately baited a hook and caught the shark, which was of a large size; the fish was cut open, when, to the utter astonishment of everybody, the boy was found snugly seated between a couple of the monster’s ribs, still playing his flageolet. A Husband complaining of his wife before a magistrate, fur assault and battery, and it appeared in evidence that he pushed the door against her, and she in turn pushed it aga’mt him, whereupon the counsel for the defendant said that he could see no impropriety in a husband and wife ” a-uoring ” each other.