MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Waikato Argus, Volume V, Issue 348, 1 October 1898, Page 1 (Supplement)

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

An excellent story was told at a charity <linner. One clay a man was brought into the Accident Hospital who was thought to he dead. His wife was with him. One of the doctors said "He is dead,' but the man raised his head and s<ud " No, I'm not dead yet," whereupon Iris wife admonished him, saying : " Be quiet ; the doctor ought to know best."

One (country) candidate at the N.S.W. genera' election paid three scrutineers a guinea each to go to three different polling-booths. When returns came in there was not one vote for the candidate. Not even his scrutineers supported him. Every man has not his price after all ; but how must those scrutineers feel !

The Manawatu Standard says : There are men in the present House who lie about the chamber in a half drunken condition, making socto voce remarks which would, if called attention to, merit explusion ; but the members who are the target of this vituperation, are not mean enough to expo«e these men to the punishment they well deserve. A farm labourer was married last spring, and, not having sufficient money ti defray the tee, he promised the officiating clergyman that he would repay him with a bag of potatoes as soon as they were ready for digging up. The clergyman waited a long time, but no potatoes were forthcoming, so he called upon the man and asked the reason. " Well, to tell yer the truth, guv'nor," was the laconic reply, " she ain't wvith it !"

In appearance the Czar bears an embarrasing resemblance to the Duke of York, hut the likeness is spoiled, unfortunately, by the permanent sadness in which the face of the Emperor finds its setting. There is no joy in it, no lightness of soul. The lethargy of the body, its want of electric spring, is in keeping with the face's sad behaviour. It is the face and movements of a man who had grown old under a mask of youth, and who pursues his weary course masquerading in an age of life which he has long since left behind. Mr Gladstone had a double in South Africa who has just died at Stellembosch, at the age of 81. He was a Mr Myburgh, and was as like Mr Ghdstone as " two peas in a pod.'' So much so that whenever he attended a public meeting he was sure of an ovation. Another striking facial resemblance was that between Prince Bismarck and the Hon. J. H. Hofmeyr, leader of the Dutch Africander party at the Cape. It is said to have required "a strong effort" to discriminate between them.

Bismarck's life is very 'aptly summed up in the epitaph he wrote for himself—" Servant of William I."_ But he would have been " Servant to William II." too had he had the chance ; and his epitaph is as much a sneer at the living as a tribute to the dead. He could always say very smart uud suggestive things, which showed that he was a shrewd observer. Some of his odd sayings deserve to be remembered and to become crystallised into the " quotations "of daily life. For instance, being one day in company when the subject of how much it cost to gain experience in life cropped up, he remarked, "Fools pretend that you can only gain experience at your own expense ; but I have always managed to learn at the expeuse of others."

It is a well-known fact that the muscular organs of the body act very much iu unison. People poke out their tongues when learning to write, wrinkle their foreheads when pushing a heavy weight, eto. .;■ and a most amusing example of this co-ordination of actions and the difficulty of conquering them is as follows :—Let a person take a blacklead pencil (or use his finger, as in painting) and trace on the wall in front of him a very large capital G in ordinary script hand, with the usual nourish in front, and looped tail to end with. This is, of course, efisy enough ; and so it is to draw a small circle with the foot, toe downwards, round and round in the direction of the hands of a clock. But ahould you attempt to do the two things togetherwell, try it and see, and the result will surprise you and delight the onlookers. A soft answer turneth away wrath.—Young New Zealanders are generally credited with being fairly well able to take care of themselves ; but we have not often heard of them being noted for the " soft answer" part of the business. This has, however, now come to light, as a young Fatean now in London turned r-nemies into friends in tha twinkling of an eye by the mere observance of "this wise course—'Twas iu a crush, and our young New Zealander did not give way toEoglishers with sufficient rapidity, when one of the push said in an angry manner, " I'll hit you in the eye with the heel of my whisky flask !" Patea replied like a flash, "I'd rather you hit me iu the mouth with the neck." The effect was electrical. The uncorked flask was at his disposal instantly, and utter strangers were at on n e firm friends.

A couple of good cheque stories appear in " Notes and Gold," the organ of the banker, or, at all events, of the bank clerk. "I'm very sorry, miss," said the paying cashier, but this is a crossed cheque, and I cannot pay it o\er the counter." "Oh, is it, really?" replied the fair customer. " How tiresome ! Then I suppose I shall have to come round the other side to get it." This forma the remainder of the other cheque story, which is that of a Presbyterian minister, who had to his intense surprise and delight, received an unwonted cheque from a charitable donor. "This cheque is to order and must be endorsed," explained the paying cashier at the Highland bank. "Eli?" "Endorsed- across the back." " Oh, ay !" And with the peti and all his soul the minister wrote, " 1 heartly endorse this cheque,"

Though beauty is a subject on which it is practically impossible to get everyone to agree, there are now a great many authorities who contend that the most beautiful woman in the British Empire is the Princess Henry of Pie's, the daughter of the famous society beauty, Mrs Cornwall™ "West, who was a groat favourite of tho Prince of Wales in her time. Princess Henry of Pless is said to have won tho admiration of the Duke of York to such an extent that the Duchess is openly jealomof the charming beauty. The Princess Henry made her debut'in society when but seventeen, and made the most brilliant match of the season, marrying, when eighteen, the Prince of Pless, a nobleman of high social prestige, and one of the richest land owners of Germany. They live in England, and keep a superb establishment in town, and the Princess's gowns and jewels are tho admiration of all London. Many of us may not agree with the methods of the Salvation Army, but there can be no two opinions about its head—General Booth—who, though he completed his sixty-ninth year on April 10th, still takes au energetic part in the spread iu his great movement. It does

not seem to be so very long since the General aud his followers had to endure the jeers of people who, by a stretch of the imagination, considered themselves quite godly folks. But the indomitable will and convictions of the General have fortunately overcome that prejudice; he has indeed, "lived it down." The sturdy veteran began life in earnest as an assistant in a piwnbroker's shop in Nottingham, in which town he was born. "Wishing to join a religious body, he selected the Wesleyans, but afterwards trsnef erred his allegiance to the Methodist New Connexion. This was while in his teens, and he immediately commenced to preach in the open air, and by 1855, when he entered the ministry, he had delivered upwards of 9,000 addresses, sermons, &c. The Salvation Army was started on July sth, 1865, as the Christian Mission, and changed to the present name in 1878. No man is without his faults, and the General is just a leetle egotistic at times, but it is safe to assert that no one has tried to do more for the lower stratum of humanity, from every point of view, than this really wonderful man.

Writing in Cornhill Magazine on Howe's great victory over the French off Ushant, the Rev. W. H. Fitchett says : The battle abounded in picturesque and even amusing incidents. Pakenham, for example, who oommanded the Invincible, was a daring but somewhat reckless Irishman. Ho drifted through the smoke on a French ship, and opened fire on her with great energy. After a time the fire of the French died away, while that of the Invincible grew yet more furious. Pakenham, was however, dissatisfied with thecircurnsantces that the French made no reply, and he hailed her to know if she surrendered. The Frenchman replied energetically, "No!" whereupon the gallant Irishman inquired in tones of disgust, "Then, you, why don't you fird !" Gambier, another of Howe's captains, was the exact opposite of the hairbrained Pakenham; a fine soldier, a brave fighter, and of sober and Puritanic temper. His ship, the Defence, of 74 gun«, fought gallantly, and had two of her masts shot away, when through the smoke the tall masts of a French threedecker were visible bearing down upon her. A lieutenant hurried to the quarterdeck, and cried to Gambier, " my eyes, sir, but here's a whole mountain coming down upon us ! What shall we do ?" To which the unmoved Gambier answered by asking how his officer dared at such a moment as that to come to him with an oath in his mouth. "Go down to you guns, sir," he added, "and encourage your men to stick to their guns like British tars 1"