Facing up to memories

Waimarino Bulletin, Volume 2, Issue 28, 10 December 1984, Page 9

Facing up to memories

There are both good and bad memories in all of us. Bad memories can be painful and are a major cause of bad relationships. This is particularly true in marriage. Carol, for example, was deserted by her father when she was a small child. Her father went off with another woman. Because of this painful memory, Carol subconsciously feared that her husband would do the same thing. Instead of facing and resolving her fear, she constantly accused her husband ofbeing unfaithful, which of course he wasn't. But if Carol continues her accusations, she may cause the thing she fears to happen — which is often the case. Another example is Bill,

whose mother was a perfectionist. Bill usually felt that whatever he did was never quite good enough. When he brought home his report from school with five A's and one B, his mother would ask, "Why didn't you get all A's?" So over the years Bill was programmed to feel that everything had to be perfect to be acceptable. T oday Bill now gets angry at himself, his wife, and his children when everything doesn't work out how he expects it to happen. He is very difficult to live with. Painful memories can cause considerable suffering — physical sickness, emotional distress, impaired relationships and negative behaviour patterns. They also cause spiritual emptiness

and a feeling that God is far away. The encouraging news is that with inner healing, people can be freed from the effects of damaged emotions and painful memories. The first step to work out is — do you want to be healed? Jesus asked this of a crippled man at the Pool of Bethsaida who had been sick for thirty eight years (John 5:6). Because he wanted to be healed, Jesus was able to heal him. The second step requires deep honesty and courage to admit the cause of the problems. Do you truly feel loving, close and warm to all the important people in your life — like your parents, husband/ wife, children. If not, chances are you may be

nursing a buried hurt or resentment or you feel guilty about something that happened in your past. If so, the next step is to confess. Any feelings of hurt, guilt or resentment need to be spoken about and expressed. They can be written out, talked or shouted to people who understand like trained counsellors, or your Pastor. Finally, the fourth step for healing is prayer. Pray for courage to enable you to face your painful memories. Pray to God for his guidance of how to rid this burden. Pray for forgiveness for any wrong you have done and we in turn need to forgive others who have wronged you. Then thank God for the healing you have received.