TOWN TALK.

Wairoa Bell, Volume V, Issue 207, 21 July 1893, Page 2

TOWN TALK .

, FROM OUE AUCKLAND CORRESPONDENT.] Since Fillis’s Circus has left us the City gamin has been real lonely, and in lieu of put .aiie.j amusement has been compelled to f.Ji back ou the comkrlina cio-aretie, the san-"' t i fie Fitzgerald's Circus from Sydney is now an-

nounced the above programme will not until further notice, be strictly followed. The Australian Dramatic Company whose bright, particular star is Miss Helen Fergus has been holding the Opera House to poor business. Miss Fergus is an emotional actress whose professional career has been one unending riot of tears, scalding tears. Time was when East Eynne was a sure draw for the female portion of the community who delighted to weep in deepest sympatbhy with the troubles of Lady Isabel and Madame Vine, but that daj is evidently past as Miss Fergus selected the play for her benefit and played to a poor house. Fact is Harold Ashton’s Sixpenny Pops have 1 busted ’ every other entertainment off the boards, Burlesque and Opera Bouffe alone excepted. These latter will always of course hold the public entranced, and don’t the public like to be entranced that way ? You bet. I predicted some time ago that the difficulty with the sixpenny pops would be to provide sufficient variety. So far Mr .Ashton has succeeded fairly well by the aid of visitors to Auckland. The most notable novelty is Valdemar Unmack, a Russian or Pole or something equally unintelligible, who sings in his own language both sentimental and comic songs. The gestures and funny language of the latter keeps the house in a roar. He also sings in English, and as he is just as intelligible in this as the other the result is very satisfactory, and, as the papers put it, gives pleasure to all. There is of course the usual tenor who thinks he can sing and who puts on more ‘ side ’ than Jean De Reske, and who is slonly poisoning himself with lollies and cough lozenges, under the impression that his delicate vocal organ is so susceptible to cold and requires constant lubrication, when all the time he only requires to be persuaded, with a brick, to go home and stop inflicting himself on a long suffering public. The ‘ Katoomba ’ has left for the Samoan war hut we have still the 1 Orlando and the ‘ Admiral.’ This is I suppose to keep us quiet during the absence of the Governor who is at present attending strictly to business (drawing his screw) at Wellington. A governor is an expensive luxury, but as most have a fixed idea that we must have a Governor I suppose we must. But when I have completed my education by becoming a double barrelled 30 O.P. double dyed liar, and have in this and other ways qualified myself for a seat in the legislative halls of my adopted country (copyright this) I intend to abolish the present fossilized and expensive style of governor and introduce in its place a real dandy wooden one, (what yer laffin at) carved by a first class artist, and painted, gilded, varnished, polished and otherwise got up to please the eye as a work of art, with a slot in his shirt front and a moveable head. This ‘ figger ’ should be on hand three months of the year at each centre, Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin. That would fill the year nicely. He and his aidedeoamp would hold a levy every week and each ambitious citizen, irrespective of age, sex, country or condition (if not too high) could, by dropping two and six into the gubernatorial bosom, receive a public acknowledgment, and would then be permitted without comment from the Governor to scrape, bow and perform any other antics, ancient or modern, suitable to the occasion and the fancy of the performer. Deputations half price, private interview ten shillings. Womens’ Rights conventions double price, and vacation for aidedeoamp during interview. That this style of governor would he a great improvement upon the present is undeniable ; all parts of the colonies would be equally served. The Governor would have no preferences and no favorites, a simple application of two bob and a tanner would obtain his aquiescence ou any poiut. His sympathies (price two and six) would be equally with the down trodden capitalist or the bloated democratic, and he would never, even under the most trying circumstances, make any mistakes, constitutional or otherwise. To those ladies and gentlemen who are passionately fond of powwowing to governors the private interview would be an unmixed blessing. How delicious to be ‘ a friend of the gov’noryou know,’ and to speak quite confidently about his friend Wales, to be in fact on the most free and intimate terms with him. But in these times of forced economy the greatest point is the saving effec.ed. A slashing Governor of this kind couid be obtained for a hundred pounds and say wo give a hundred and fifty a year r nd expenses to the aidedeoamp, the whole thing could be done for a hundred pounds capital and two hundred and fifty a year, the cost of a common M.H.B. Of course the proceeds would be all given to Charitable Aid Boards. Oh, I had forgot the dresses, English, Ir.sh and Scotch, say a week in each so as to give us all a show and, happy thought, with a phonograph in his insides he could make speeches in each language. There’s a lot in this brilliant idea.