Miscellaneous.

Wairoa Bell, Volume V, Issue 197, 12 May 1893, Page 7

Miscellaneous.

Guest (to hotel-keeper, who is filling bottles from a barrel) : ‘ What kind of wine is that, Mr Kheinberger?’ Xlotel-keeper : ‘ Vel, dot depends on vat labels I vil put on dose bottles, ain’t it?' ‘ Wliafc is there besides luck that amounts to anything in cards?’ 'A good deal.’ 1 Where did you get that cake, Polly ?’ ‘ Mamma gave it me,’ ‘ She’s always a giving you more than she does me—boo.’ ‘ Never mind, Harry, she's going to put mustard plasters on us to-night, and I’ll ask her to let you have the suggest.’ A good deal of the gossip indulged in by the fair sex might very properly be classed as fancy work. The tongue of the giraffe is nearly a Got and a half long. The following is said to be the shortest sentence that contains all the letters of the alphabet : 1 Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.’ Aged admirer; ‘ Think of all the luxuries a rich husband like me could give, you ’ Miss L)e Young : ‘ Oh, a rich father would do just as well ; marry my mother.’ An Irishman, eating raw eggs, bolted a live chicken The bird chirped as it went down. He cooly said: ‘By ‘.he powers, voung friend, you spoke too late.’ ‘ Now, my hearties,’ said a Yankee captain, ‘ you’ve n tough battle before you. Fight like heroes till your powder’s gone, then run. I’nr a little lame, and I’ll start now ’ How much does a fool weigh generally? A simple ton. A Coiuish jury once brought in the verdict ‘ Guilty, with some little doubt as to wheTier he was the man.’ A debating society is discussing the following question : ‘ When Adam and Eve paitook of the tree of knowledge, did they study the higher branches ?’ A fellow once pretending to have se n a ghost was asUed what the apparition said to lnm ■ How should jl know ? ne ie—plied. ‘I am not skilled in the dead languages.’ Minnie : ‘ Poor fellow ! I hated to refuse him ; but it was impossible to do otherwise. And then he went away and got awfully intoxicated.’ Mamie: ‘ I wonder why it is that man thinks drinking a necessary part of a celebration ? A deathbed repentance is like paying a debt after you’re sued ; it’s only a few re« moves from moral dishonesty.