HOW IT SERVED THEM.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VII, Issue 357, 20 May 1874, Page 5

HOW IT SERVED THEM.

Out in a certain Western fort, some time ago, the major conceived the idea that artillery might be used effectively in fighting with Indians by dispensing with gun-carriages and fastening the cannons upon the backs of mules. So he explained his views to the Commandant, and it was determined to try the experiment. A howitzer was selected, and strapped upon an ambulance mule, with the muzzle pointing towards the tail. When they had secured the gun, and loaded it with ball cartridge, they led the calm and steadfast mule out on the bluff, and set up a target in the middle of the river to practice at. The rear of the animal Avas turned towards the target, and he was backed gently up to the edge of the bluff. The officers stood round in a semicircle, while the major went up and inserted a time-fuse in the touch-hole of the howitzer. When the fuse was ready, the major lit it and retired. In a miuute or two the hitherto unruffled mule heard the fizzing back there on his neck, and it made him uneasy. He reached his head round to ascertain what was going on, and as lie so his body turned, an I Iho howitzer began to sweep the horizon. The mule at last became excited, and his curiosity became more and more intense, and in a second or two he was standing with the forelegs in a bunch, making six revolutions a minute, and the howitzer, understand, threatening sudden death to every man within half a mile. The Commandant was observed suddenly to climb up a tree. The lieutenants were seen sliding over the bluff into the river, as if they didn't care at all about the high price of uniforms ; the adjutant made good time towards the fort ; the sergeant began to throw up breastworks with his bayonet ; and the major rolled over the ground and groaned. In two or three minutes there was a puff of smoke, a dull thud, and the mule — oh ! where was be ? A solitary jackass might be seen turning successive somersaults over the bluff onl} to rest at anchor finally, with his howitzer, at the bottom of the river, while the ball went off towards the fort, hit the chimney in the major's quarteis, carrying the bricks down into the parlor, frightening the major's wife into convulsions. They do not allude to it now, and no report of the results of the experiment were ever sent to the War Department.

On Monday next Mr. Fish will move in the Provincial Council that the establishment of Grammar Schools in various parts of the Province renders it unnecessary that the Dunedin High. School for boys should be continued at the public expense. The entertainment by the Press Dramatic Club of Dunedin for the benefit of Mr. Harry Eastwood, who was recently a patient in the Tuapeka Hospital, takes place in the Princess Theatre this evening. HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A PIANO. — Itshould be remembered that the pianoforte is susceptible of the change of temperature, and, when tuned in one temperature, it will be out of tune in another. Q-ood and well-made pianofortes will stand in tune, if they are tuned in proper periods. Many people, if they wish to avoid expense, will let their instruments remain long out of tune, which is a great detriment to them, as they are less likely to stand well after having been so left. We will offer a few hints in reference to the matter. A pianoforte ought justly to be tuned twice a year at least. First, when you commence with a fire in the room ; second, when a fire is discontinued. By following this course you have the best guarantee ihat the instrument will remain in tune for the longest period of time. Again, the instrument should not be suffered to remain long below concert pitch ; if it is for years tuned below it will never stand up to the pitch without a great deal of labor, if, indeed, it ever stands at all. Many otherwise beautiful instruments are nearly or quite ruined for want of proper attention to these simple facts. Yet it will not answer for a professional tuner to recommend these things ; if he does, the people will suspect him immediately of selfish motives, and say that he is planning for his own advantage. Owners of pianofortes who are not acquainted with the nature of the instrument ought to bear these facts in mind, when, by a yearly outlay of a trifling sum, they may save themselves infinitely more than they expend by the preservation of their instrument in which they have invested so much. The monthly report of the Registrar-Gen-eral for Scotland deals only with the vital statistics of the eight principal towns. One sad blot still blackens the fair fame of " Caledonia stem and wild." No religious teaching and nowhere in the world is it more fervent of ita kind — appears to have any effect in arresting the progress of illegitimacy. In spite of numerous investigations into the causes, and pulpit denunciations of the vice, bastardy continues to flourish like a green bay tree in the land which gave birth to a Jobn Knox and a problematical Jenny Geddes. Last month there was one illegitimate child in every 11.2 births, or 8.9 per cent, of the whole children born in the principal centre of population, Some enrions facts are revealed by the statistics. It would naturally be thought that Greenock and Leith, which are eminently seaports, would present a higher ratio of immorality of this particiilar° description than any of the others. That, however, is not the case. Greenock shows only 4.3 per cent, of illegitimate births ; Leith but 5.6 ; Perth reaches 6.1 ; Paisley 7.3 ; Glasgow ar.d Edinburgh are alike sinners' to the 3 extent of 8.6; Aberdeen, ever emulous to overtcp its neighbours in this respect, rises to the disreputable altitude of of 12.5 per cent. ; and yet after all, is surpassed by Dundee, which totals up to 13.3, per. cent. Dundee, therefore, in which lately there has been such a terrific fuss about puxity of gospel doctrine, is by no means careful of the cleanliness in morals. O, wad some power the gif tie gie us To see oursels as others see us. — "Sportsman."