F A C E T I A E.

Tuapeka Times, Volume VI, Issue 1294, 18 September 1873, Page 7

F A C E T I AE.

A Wisconsin clergyman has had himself photographed in the act of prayer. A Western railroad engineer has devised a hot-water pump with which to squirt scalding water on deaf persons who walk on the track. A Pittsburg merchant declares that he j knows of thirteen first society ladies who steal his goods whenever they can get a c&ance. Bed-headed women are terrible. A La Croase. Wis., man who suffered from a wife with a carroty topknot has been forced to commit suicide. The American plug hat is used to measure potatoes in by the Sandwich Islanders, while in San Domingo it serves as a nest for setting Hens. A Cincinnati editor is happy. He says :— " Notwithstanding the war against beer, the game of poker is a spared monument of legislative mercy. «« Willing to Die " is the title of a lately published novel. A reviewer .says :: — •• The title expresses the precise state of mind of the reader after its perusaL" The Savannah River is yielding oysters as large as Louisville feet. Two, respectively fourteen and sixteen inches long, have been shipped to Baltimore as curiosities. A Louisville widow has her special griev«y ance, which is that having no means round \ the house to take her anywhere else, her only pleasure is in going to circuses and funerals. A Western itemizer says : — "Those of our readers who personally know our esteemed fellow citizen, Col. Jones, will regret to hear that he was brutally assaulted last night, but not killed." The Nebraska Indians are allowed to ride free on all trains they can jump] into while the latter are in motion. It is calculated that the tribe wilt become extinct in about six months' Being upon Ms death-bed, a sinner in Davenport, 1a.,, desired to consult some proper person as to bis future state. Telling this to a friend, the latter Bent a fire insurance agent to him. Ladies must be allowed to wear shortsleeved dresses if they wish, or the Constitution of the United States must be amended, for it expressly provides that '*the right to bear arms" must not lie interfered with. A fond father in Beading, Fa., a few days ago gave his daughter a receipted bill amounting to 23 dols. for gas, wall-paper, and a worn out sofa. This delicate reminder of her courtship was given her on her wedding-day. Here's a verdict lately rendered by an . Arizona jury : — •' We rather think the priso- '■ ncr is guilty, and if he is he ought to be hung ; but as we are not quite sure of it, we recommend that ha be sentenced to imprisonment for life." An Illinois' school teacher was lately charged with ''Ist, immorrality ! 2nd, parshalty! 3rd, keaping disordly school ! 4th, earring unlafie weepings 1 " and the trustees of the school are to decide whether or no he shall be dismissed therefor. Some lively girls, with malice aforethought, placet! the effigy ef a young woman in a young man's bed, and strewed the room wi f h hoop skirts, false hair, &c. He hid the false r hair, and the lively girls stayed at home from church next day. The following was picked up in the street in a neighbouring city a few days ago : — " Mrs lang the wife of John lang who is the - wicketdesb weemen in the west Troy, she - wares a vnbe apern while her hnslmnd does the house work,, great xcitement on California rowe." The Snore. — O, the snore, the beautiful snore, filling her chamber from ceiling to floor'! Over the coverlet, under the sheet, from her dimpled chin to her pretty feet! Now rising aloft like a bee in June ; Now sunk to the wail of a cracked basoon ! Now, flute-like, subsiding, then rising again • is the beautiful snore of Elizabeth Jane, Another landmark gone. The Tombstone manufactory at the south, corner of the Bowery and ThinUstreetwai demolished last week. It had long served to recall pleasant memories to many a Gothamite who had _. left an order there after burying his motherin Uw,