OFFICE HUNTING IN AMERICA,

Tuapeka Times, Volume VI, Issue 271, 10 April 1873, Page 3

OFFICE HUNTING IN AMERICA,

In one of his amusing letters caricaturing current political events in America, " Petroleum V. Nasby " gives a description of the Indiana convention of Democrats and Liberal Republicans to arrange on principles and nominations. The platform of principles is settled without any difficulty ; but when the business of nominations commences, matters become more exciting. " They all yawned terribly. There wuz an anxious silence for perhaps a minit, which Mr. Peters (Dem.) finally busted. ' What we want to know;' sed he, 'is who shel we nominate for sheriff?' Mr. Jones (Lib. Rep.) sed, with much warmth and feeling, that his friends hed urged him to accept that place, and he hed, after much solissitashen, consentid to take it. Mr. Peters remarkt in a sarcastic tone that Mr. Jones hed bin, ef we cood take his word for it, solissited by his friends uv the Republikin party to take the posishen for 10 years, but ez his friends wuz composed principally uv himself, his father, one son and a brother in. law, he hed never took it very much. He wood see the collishen in Tophet afore he wood consent to see it made the vehicle for carryin' playedout Ablishnists. "I'll never consent,' sed Mr. Peters excitedly, ' to see the best offis in the country filled by a rotten, decayed renegrade. I want that offis myself.' Immejitly Mr. Jones and Mr. Peters were settlin their personal differences on the floor, in the manner for which Southern Injeany is celebrated. Mr. Thompson (Lib. Rep.) sed the magic word ' Auditor!' lnimejitely Mr. Brown (Dem.) sed that that place he had considered hizzen ; to which Mr. Thompson replied that Mr. Brown was only in this movemeut becoz the reglar Dimocrisy wood never nominate him for nothin. 'That place,' said Thompson, 'is so pecoolyerly adopted to my abilities, that I hey ' . Mr. Thompson and Mr. Brown wuz, in less than a second, rolin the floor in a bear hug, each frantically endearorin to poses hisslf uv the other's left eye and rite arm. Mr. M'Closky (Dem.) and Mr. Adams (Lib. Rep.) got into an argyment on the floor ez to wich shood be nominated for Eecorder ; the Treasurership furnisht' Mr. O'Shaus;nessy (Dem.) and Mr. Dodder (Lib, Rep.) an occasion for* a set-to. Mr. Smith (Dem.) and Mr. Potter (Lib. Rep.) altercated concernin a seat in the Legislacher ; and over the county clerkship Mr. Blodgett (Dem.) and Mr. Muggins (Lib. Rep.) partook uv each other's ears and tasted each other's gore. They were all on the floor rollin in each other's arms to wunsfc; the air uv the room bein thick meanwhile with the groans and oaths of the gentle combatants. I didn't know at the time how the matter resulted, for an Injeany free fite lasts an hour, and I hedn't time to stay. But the whole thing went up. They all hankered to be Brigadeers, wich in politicks, es military life, can't

be. Each man wuz in the movement to promote himself, and ef he coodent get what he yearned for he preferred to bust the movement. And it wuz bustid accordin. I coodent help thinking on my way home that no matter how kind and consiliatory the average Liberal Republikin and Demokrat may be in the matter uv principles and platform, they are fearfully and dreadfully in earnest when in comes to nominashen. I don't know which shockt me most, their apathy at the beginnin uv the meetin, or their fiery zeal at its endin. Politics iz queer."