A Municipal Council. [Melbourne," Daily Telegraph."]

Tuapeka Times, Volume V, Issue 233, 18 July 1872, Page 7

A Municipal Council. [Melbourne, " Daily Telegraph."]

There is no occasion to single out any particular council of any individual city or town.. All are pretty much alike in their mode of conducting business. There are model boroughs, of course,, where everything is supposed to work smoothly, there is the shire council, where the secretary has all his own way, , and the members behave with all clue humility ; and there are road boards, at which every member has a different ! opinion, and will' insist on expressing it on the very slightest pro vocation. Let us take a city council in one of the three cities of the colony, never mind which. Time — afternoon ; present — the Mayor, the town clerk, and half-a-dozen councillors, and the representatives of the Press, men whose hairs are giadually turning grey under the infliction of this particular duty. The town olei-k will i-ead the minutes of the last meeting. The minutes are read, the councillors engage in a desultory conversation, the Mayor indulges in a short sleep, no one hears anything, and after a few minutes the Mayor wakes up, signs Jus name, and looks sipient. The correspondence from the council to individuals outside is then read in a similar manner, and after that comes on the correspondence to the council. Peter Tomkins wants a drain near his house, and twenty respectable rate-payers back his application. In accordance with the system alluded to, this letter ought to be referred to some committee or other, and it generally is. But generally, also, there is some one present wbe wants to speak. . He desires to know why Mr. Tomkins should have a drain when Mr. Jenkins has not, and it is not until it has been shown that Mr. [ Jenkins has a drain that this gentleman will allow the business to be proceeded with. Another letter is next read, in which Mr. Jones wants his rates remitted, for the very excellent reason ! that he cannot pay them. Some .other councillor, however, who has also un insolvent ratepayer on hand, objects to I the application of this righteous prin- ! ciple in this instance, and there is another dispute, after which Mr. Jones is also handed over to a committee. The same thing is clone with about 20 other letters, and the correspondence is then handed over to the members of the Press, who pouuce upon it with savage impatience, and succeed in about a quarter of an hour in making some approach to sense out of it .During tins interval accounts are being passed, and as these are really dealt with in committee, the work is not long. The question of contracts is next brought forward, and then commences the fun of the fair. Somehow or other there has never yet been found a town councillor who will accept the decision of any committee on. the subject of contracts. He has the greatest respect for his colleagues personally, but in the maHer of contracts he suspects them all round. As a general rule he would not doubt one of their words for anything, but when the question of contracts is under discussion he is a complete a thorough sceptic. He would cloul t even Truth herself, if she had any interest in a contract for bricking up her well. Up to his feet .springs the representative of Jones "Ward. " What is this contract, Mr. Mayor, that the councillor for Tom's Ward wants us to accept 1 Who knows, Mr. Mayor ? Who can tell whether there is not a 'knockout' in the matter? Hasn't Councillor Beerhouse an interest in three public houses in that locality, and won't all the workmen get drunk there? Wasn't the worthy councillor seen drinking with the conti actor in his own bar, and didn't the contractor shout? I ask Councillor' Beerhouse, didn't he shout?" Then Councillor Moleskins: "I rise to order, Mr. Mayor. What right has the representative of Jones Ward to say this? H isn't he eight public houses and a brewery in another street, and isn't his brother-in-law the holder of two contracts 1" Councillor Chemist : Point of order. Half-a-dozen councillors all at once : "Yes, point of order." Member of Press confidently to other member : "T say, old fellawy what the deuce is all this about ? " Other member: Oh, something about a contract. What-you-may-call-hirn' says someone has shouted for Beerhouse, and he has given him a contract for doing so. Eirst member of Press : Very sensible thing too. Can't hear a word they say though. Other member : All the better for them. They are always doing that sort of thing. The Mayor — despairingly : Order, gen tleman^rder. Half a aozen councillors, touched up by three others who had just come in — "What's the point of order? Question ? " A confused discussion follows, during which the town clerk reads a letter, and eyentually, after about half an hour. Beerhouse explains that he and the contractor were having a solemn drink to celebrate the r-ecovery of the Prince of Wales. The accusing councillor declares that the fact of his doing so was worthy of his position, and after Councillor | Moleskins had withdrawn his state- i ment, with a muttered remark that lie believes himself to be right, the matter drops, and the contract confirmed. But this is not all. Councillor I Chemist has a hobby, He wants to build a nevr clock tower, or ho lias an

idea that there ought to be washing stands, with clean towels, ready at the corner of every street. He has pranced about on this hobby until | everybody is tired but himself, but he Avon't dismount, although he learns that there is not the slightest chance | of his ever reaching his journey's end. So he mounts again, and proceeds to ride furiously. For an hour or so he keeps up the pace in the midst of a general murmur &f conversation, while the Mayor reads a newspaper, and the reporters make no response to the appealing glances which the speaker casts upon them. They have recorded his vieAvs half a dozen times already, aud the Press is so far a religious reformer that it has no fancy for or sympathy Avith \ r ain repetitions. But this is nothing to Councillor Chemist. There are tAvo ardent admirers in the portion of the council chambers open to the public, and to those lie speaks. "Are the citizens always to be dirty?" he asks. " Are clean towels to be unknoAvn? Is the taint of being umvashed always to be flung in the face of the noblest work of God, the honest Avorking man, etc, etc, etc. v No, Mr. Mayor" (that unhappy gentleman having dismally looked up from his paper) ; "no sir, it must not be so. In the interests of humanity and decency sir, I, representing a large and important section of the ratepayers, look the councillors in the face, and ask for clean towels for suffering people. Ihe worthy councillor opposite is a 'man of taste' 1 appeal to him." This is lo> much however for the " worthy councillor:" lie . objects to being called a "man of taste," and straightAvay rises to order. There is another lengthy discussion on this question, and at last "in deference to you sir, only in deference to you," "Councillor Chemist Avithdmvs his remark, and declares that the Avortby councillor he referred to his a " man of no taste." A smile of gratification flits over the face of that gentleman, and for another quarter of an hour the hobby horse is ridden. At last, even that patient animal is tired out, and after every councillor in the room has spoken, Councillor Chemist consents to Avithdravv this motion. He has done it several times before, and is quite ready to do it a<rain. He knows perfectly well he will never get what he- wants, but he cannot resist the temptation of talking to those two admirers in the gallery. Sometimes, but not always, there is warmer work even than this " Worthy councillors" have been known not to withdraw ; ' worthy councillors 1 ' have beon known to use harsher language; even than this. In some secluded country towns, worshipful mayors and worthy councillors have been seen settling a little personal dispute in the Queen's highway,and words lm'e been applied in tho council chamber which would induce an observer to believe that the representatives of the ratepayers are in training for Parliament. But somehow or other nothing comes of it. The business of the ratepayers gets carried on somehow or other, and, with the exception of an occasional scandal, very little is said about it. It is only Avhen the ratepayer pays a visit to the council chamber himself, and affcerAvards walks the streets of a city \vit>i his nose perfectly crammed Avith unsavoury odours, that he comes to the conclusion that, after all, there might be a little less talk and mo *c actual work, and that if the men he sends in to represent him are really what they declare each other to be, he might just as well, if not better, do without them. But the reflection is not a permanent one. As he gets out of the region of unsavoury odours, he remembers that Chemist is a very decent felloAv, that Beerhouse has a capital tap, und that after all it might be worse. So he migut, oh, smell-haunted ratepayer ! but at the same time, might it not be considerably better?