FACETIAE,

Tuapeka Times, Volume V, Issue 233, 18 July 1872, Page 7

FACETIAE,

If you were obliged to swalloAv a man, whom would you prefer to swallow '/ A. little London porter.

A Pittsburgh paper thinks it would be a good plan for thieves to carry lanterns, so that policemen could find them.

"Wake up, here, and pay for your lodging," said the deacon, as he nudged a sleepy stranger with the contribution box.

It is reported that during the late cold weather an Illinois editor had his ears frozen about a foot deep. " Comment is unnecessary-"

Whiskey is not sold in Greely, Colorado — but a remedy for rattlesnake bites is considered nearly as good, and the demand for it is large.

A humorous apothecary, in Boston, exposes a cake of soap in his window. Avith the pertinent inscription, "Cheaper than dirt."

Why is a man happier with two wives than with one 1 He may be happy Avith one — it is not possible — but he is nearly sure to be transported Avith two.

"By the by t Jerroldy" said Hexaud* **■ Did yon read my ' Descent into Hell ?" "Ho, sir," responded the irascible dramatist, " but I should like to see it."

A Cleveland dry goods clerk advertises for board in a family, where the secret of how he pastes his hair down< in scollops will be considered a sufficient equiv.

A western paper says that the demand for the pieces of the buffalo which Alexis killed is so great, that more than " three hundred of him " have been sold in St. Joseph. A Californian cattle raiser has been trying the experiment of training prairie ■wolves as sheep dogs, but finds the sheep get killed before the education of the wolves is complete. Philosophers say that shutting the eyes makes the sense of hearing more acute. A wag suggests that this accounts for the many that are seen closed at church every Sunday. " Whose pigs are these my lad ?" " ~iV*ij£' t Jhey belong to that there big boav. ""'No ! I mean who is their master ?" " Whoy, that there little 'un ; lie's a rare 'un to feight." A Savannah editor, in a late attempt to describe a painting- on a banner, wrote :—: — "Beside this maiden is an Irish greyhound," etc. ; but the printer put it — " Besides, this maiden is an Trish greyhound. " Reversible clothing" is, now offered for sale at our. furnishing stores. A gentleman who has invested in the '"new style " says he " never knew what clean Jinen was until he purchased a shirt which he turns onpe. a week,"