JOSH BILLINGS ON HABITS" OF GREAT MEN.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 201, 7 December 1871, Page 6

JOSH BILLINGS ON HABITS" OF GREAT MEN.

Habits are lik korns on fie littietoze the result ov tite boots. Habits are likewize the k rooks • : an ordinary dorr's tale, natral ;>z i =■ ! but seldom useful or ornamental. George Washington Crab, Esq , t --> wonderful astrouienor ov tlie 4tn Vt a tury, alwus took his observashuiis* .^ the suns perigaminut on one beuu. v knee, with his eye buried tew the kt»rc in a sour apple, and hiz left shin-bom.-bandaged with a solution ov sheet iron. In this way he discovered cansir. one ov the signs of the zodiac, and it haz ever since bore his name iv English. George also wore an uprite collar, one foot in upriteness, and alwua used ka*s intestines for shew strings. He waz a great man, aud had sum habits. He died in due time. And haint^bin seen since. Hiz widow waz inconsolable for a large amount. Hiz widow iz also no more now ♦ she coiled oph this mortal si uffl ; in good shape, at the reasonable a^e of SG. Eev. Moses Bickerstaft" wrote those famous sermons of hiz, that shook the moral firmament from dan to bersheebe upon the head ov a flower barrel, with a bony pen made from the dorsal feather fins ov an untamed ostrich. He used ink made from an ertrakfc ov mid-nite, combined with the perspiration ov a confirmed Ethiopain. He also kultivated the ambishun ov hiz little finger nail, which grew to bee" about 8 feet in longevity. He had a way ov leering with hiz left eye when ho preached, which history sez was cussid good. Biekorstaff haz had a host ov^, iminitators, but they aro all like the millers who fly at a kunkle, he cooks them all. Bit-kerstaff wore hiz hat without enny brini to it, nor enny crown, and alwus put on hiz left boot last. He like all those who lived before the flood, iz now departed to defch, bufc hiz way ov doing things (on the hedov a 'flower barrel), tho often tried on, ha? never bin badly beat yet. Doktor Henry Magnum, M.D., was a doktor. He waz rather a weak sister, and alwus rode sideways, on a side-saddle. He had one strong point, he never give up a pashunt until he waz plumb ded. Hir exsentricitys was theze. fJe alwus used a wooden spoon, made out ov wood. "When he eat, his mouth alwns flu open, to the crook ov his elbo. He never et enny mollassis during hiz sweet life. He made all ov ' hiz pills down cellar. He iz said to hay had, during his life, a thousand stujents ov medisin, but history sez, they didn't enny ov them equal Magnum, only in hiz odditys. Doktor Magnum worked in physiclc about 46 years after the landing ov the pilgrims, on Mount Arryrat,, and I presume iz now fully dead, and gone, or too old fora full days work. He wrote a book on rats (az a dire necessity) which waz a standard work for menny generashun ov rats. 1 This book was translated into Hindoo and thus waz lost, by being burnt with a widder, in a phuneral scrape. Ebenezer Smile waz probable one ov the most tallented excentricks that ever smiled. . - PTe was a landlord on the Himmelay mountains, and waz the author of Gin. Ten thousand phunny things ov hiz hay bin handed down, and all lost. { The most truly wonderful odd awkwardness ov all hiz peculiarness waz his way ov smiling. He could smile, and drink a ecin-cock-tale at onst, and the same time. This natrality ov hiz baz bin immitated so mutch since, that the original idee iz all wore out. He haz had several immitators who have outsmiled their daddy. History sez, he could smile a pint ov gin a day, without enny water in, it. But a pint ov gin, now days, would hardly raize a smile ov contempt. Ebenezer Smile died with a smile on his countenance, ov just after one. I hay cum tew the konklusion that the excentricitys ov grate men iz the work ov art, and is mistaken bi the owners ov it for nature, and haz made more phools (bi those who bay im-t initated them) than the Lord ever haz. Ebenezer Smile waz a kussid pooit original enny bow. , Ebenezer Smile haz vakated life, but he haz left a bitter smite behind; bim. • '" Oh ! the qarkasm, in the gmilg, $£„£ gin koktale,