F A C E T E Æ

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 190, 5 October 1871, Page 7

FA CE TI Æ

A Chicago .music st'ce recently sold a piatu), and the buyer son after wrote to the aealers that he andfes wife couldn't find the place to wind it up, and they wanted to be told at" onu how to make the thing -go. A .Colorado lover thua describes his only love :— " She's a.peele\ she is. She killed a, bea^ when she was ifteen, and a Digger Tadlan when she was e^hteen, and no «- she'll whip her weight in Vild-cats whoop]" •- N -

" This milk is rather warm f^ sucn a cold morning," said a customer ti e other day to a milk-boy. " Yes, father \ X \t hot water in it instead of cold to keep r from freezing," was the simple but truthf\l rfiA Cincinnati paper tells of a c\»arita'*l c man in that city who keeps a pair of dogs, chained at his front door, so thai poor "people who stop to.," get a bite" caa be accommodated without taking the trouble to go into the house. ' Eleven.,young girls of Ingouvin^ ] a py» asked to be-allowed to form a regimen? of young ladies, to be called " The fengeance." They^have bejged the /Jitor of the local paper to allow enlistm»nts to take-place in his office. ' The following lines -nfere fouid on a lawyer's table in a courthouse after che adjournment of tl»^ conri the Jther day .• — " Fair woma^'as made" tt/be witch ; a companion, p-iiurse, a blessing, * curse — fair womap was made to be' which ]" There is a paper printed/ in the Cherokee nation 1 in the "native* dialect." An Arkansas editor says : — '""It is the worst specimen of pickled tongue we ever saw. It looks as though a toML?'£ l f**iTuie explosion had occurred in *nXP c foun. dry." . *^_j A French lad, seven years old, feported to have been stolen by a company of mountebanks, headed by a roan "witih a wooden leg, recently made his escape. As a precaution againsi pursuit by his master, he carried with him his wooden prop ! A Western obituary goes thus : — " Another stalwart tree fell last evening in its autumn prime, in the person 6i • Major J. W. Cullen, as unique and remarkable a character in his way as was ever wrought out from the rugged latitudinarianism of the frontier." An Irish way of showing respect for a stranger is thus given by a morning contemporary : — ". On Tuesday morning a body of men went to the residence of Mr. Howe, of Biclimond, near Nenagh, and fired five shots. Mr. Howe is a stranger, and is much respected." A well-known English lord is said ' to have given the following instructions to his steward :—": — " We are coming down, a large party, in a day or two, to eat strawberries and cream. We shall want plenty of the latter, so don't let any of the cows be milked meanwhile." A young lady says, " When I go to a. theatre lam very careless of- my dress, as the audience are too attentive to the play to observe my wardrobe ; but when I go to church I am very particular in my outward appearance, as most people go there to see how their neighbours dress and deport themselves." • '

- While Raphael was engaged in painting his celebrated frescoes he was visited by two cardinals, who began to criticise his ■work, and found fault without understanding it. " The Apostle Paul has too red a face/ said one. "He blushes to see what hands the church has fallen into," was the reply. The trustees of a church in Western Pennsylvania, unable to pay their clergyman in cash the arrears of salary due to him, determined to do" it "in trade." Consequently they sent him ten feet of stove-pipe, two papers of corn starch, one felt hat, three kegs of varnish, one paper collar, four palm leaf fans, and two bundles of bed slats. Young Man ; " 1 called to see about the clerkship you advertised as vacant." Old Gent: "Hem! Have you a gold watch and chain, a fast hunter, a diamond

ring, six suits of clothes, a bull-dog, one >. jyiousand cigars, a cask of brandy, and an Tpsnriment of canes V Young Man : Yes, sir, got them all." Old Gent : " Then you'll suit. My other clerk furnished himself with these out of the' till ; so, as you are supplied, JL'll save the expense."