JIM WOLF AND THE TOM CAT.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 185, 24 August 1871, Page 7

JIM WOLF AND THE TOM CAT.

MASK TWAIN'S MASTERPIECE — A FUNKY

ACCOUNT OF A TRAGICAL AFFAIR.

I knew by the sympathetic glow, upon his bald head — I knew by the thoughtful look upon his face — I knew by the emotional flush upon fche strawberry on the end of the old free-liver's nose, that Simon Wheeler's memory was busy with the olden times. And sol prepared to leave, because all these were symptoms of a reminiscence — signs that he was going to be delivered of another of his tiresome personal experiences ; but I was too slow, he got the start of me. As nearly as I can recollect, the infliction was coughed in the following manner : —

We were all boys then, end didn't care for nothing, and didn't worry about nothing, only to shirk school and keep up a revivm' state of divilment at the time. This yah Jim Wolf I was talking about was the prentice, and he was the best hearted feller, he was, and the most forgiven' and on selfish I ever see — well, there- couldn't have been a bullier boy than he was, take him how you would, and sorry enough I was when I saw him for the last time.

Me and Harry was always pestering him and plastering hoss bills upon his back, and putting humble bees in his bed- and so on, and sometimes we'd crowd in and bunk with him, notwithstanding his growling, and w.-'d let onto go mad and fight across him, so as to keep him stirred up like. He was nineteen ; he was long, lank, and bashful ; and we were fifteen and sixteen, tolerable worthless and lazy.

So that night, you know, that my sister Mary gave a candy-pillin' they started us off to bed early, so* that the company would have full swing, and we run into Jim to have some fun.

Our window looked out into the roof of the ell, and about ten o'clock a couple of old tom-cats got to rarin' and chargin' about it, and carrying on like sin. There was four inches of snow on the roof, and it was frozen so that there was a smart crust of ice on it, and the moon was shining bright, and we could see them cats like day light. First they'd stand off and e-you-pow-wow, just as if they were cussin' one another you know, and bow up their backs and push up their tails, and swell round and spit, and, and then all of a sudden the gray cat he'd snatch a handful of fur out off the yallar cat's ham, and spin him round like a button on a barn door. But the yaller cut was game, and he'd come and clinch, and the way they would gouge 'and bit and howl, and the way they'd make the fur fly was powerful.

Well Jim, he got disgusted with this row, 'lowed he'd climb out there and shake 'era off'n the roof. He hadn't reely no notion of doin' it, but we everlasting dogged him and bully-ragged him, and, 'lowed he'd always bragged how he would not be dared and so on, till bimby he histed up the winder, and lo and behold you, he went— went exactly as he_was, with nothing on but his shirt, and it was short. But you ought to have seen him creepin' over theiceanddiggin' with his toe nails to keep him from slippin' ; and above all you ought to have seen that short tail flappin' in the wind, and those ridiculous shanks of his glistening in the moonshine.

Them company folks wero down there under, the eaves the whole squad of them, under that onery shed of old Washin'ton Bower vines — all settin' round about two dozen sassars of hot candy, which they'd sot in the snow' to cool And they was laughin' and talkin' lively, but bless you, they knew nothin' of the panorama that was going on over their heads. Well Jim he went a sneakin' unbeknown to them tom-cats — they were a swishiu' their tails and yow-yow-in' — and threatenin' to clench, you know, and not payin' any attention — he went a sneakin' right to the comb of the roof till he. was within, a foot and a half of them, and then all of a sudden he made a grab for the yaller cat ! But, by gosh, he missed fire and slipped, and hisheelsflewupandheflopped on his back, and he went off'n the roof like a dart ! — went a slashin' and a crashin' down those rusty vines— and landed in the centre of them comp'ny people, sat down like an earthquake in them two dozen sassars of red hot candy, and let on a howl that was hark from the tombs ! — Them gals, well they looked you know. They see he wasn't dressed for company and so they left All done in a second. It was jnst one little warwhoop and a swish of their dresses, and blame the wench ofm was in sight anywhere.

. Jim, he was in sight. He was gormed with that bilin' hot molasses candy «lean down his heals, and had more busted sassars hangin' to him than if he was an Injun princess — and be came a prancin' up stairs, just a hoopin'and a cussin', and every jutnp he made heshed some china, and every sqiurrn he fetched he dropped some candy.

When last Queen Victoria was about to be confined, the Prince Consort said to one of his little boys, " I think it very likely, my dear, that the Queen will soon present you with a little brother or sister. Which of the two would you prefer ? " • The child, pausing : " Well, I think, if it is the same to mamma, I should prefer a pony."