FOURTEEN MILE BEACH.

Tuapeka Times, Volume III, Issue 134, 1 September 1870, Page 5

FOURTEEN MILE BEACH.

(From our own Corresportdent. ) The Molyneux. is retiring very slowly, and is still a good distance from her winter level, higher than she can be worked to advantage. Ido not think there will be much good done on the beaches this season, as the time is much too limited, next month being the usual one for the annual, or spring, rise in the river. Teetotal ism is making rapid and tremendous strides in the Benger district. From the man that works the wires to .Jin Sling Ah Hum, the Mongolian pork merchant, all are infected with the mania. Sexagenarians in snuff and Brazilian pebbles, promising five year olds in toffey and knickerbockers, all are bursting to give us the results of their tqgtotal experiences. Jolly noses are things of the past, and the bright Tyrian purple that gave such a warm colouring to the grog blossoms that ornamented the tip of the bon vivants proboscis has paled to the sickly tint o£ the teetotal snout. The consumption of the pure and limpid is becoming enormous, and I am satisfied that had the movement set in a month sooner, we should, from the constant drain upon the river, have been able to work our claims to advantage. The oldest inhabitant never remembers such a run upon water ; and Harry Wittles, our tripeman, says he saw an individual imbibe thirteen pints at one sitting. And if the parties wot hindulges in the helement to sich a hextent vould only use one arf on their outards as they does on their inards, their friends would hobsarve a. pleasin' alteration in their fizzogs. My friend Pumpernickel, whom I met under the verandah at the Commercial, tells me that now that teetotalism has taken root in the place, he has no doubt it will bear good fruit, as those who have furthered the movement have done so from an earnest desire to benefit their species ; "but we must not judge too hastily," he said, " as many have joined in it, not from a dislike to spirituous liquors, but from a financial point of view. Times are hard just now, and I have no doubt if we have a favourable season to report for goldgetting, there will be many backsliders as soon as their enthusiasm has cooled a little. Of one thing lam certain, friend," muddledhe ; "I should not care about being a bottle of van hoytema in some of their quarters, as I am pretty sure you would have to record a case of mysterious disappearance." "Never mind, old boy," I said, " let us liquor for the sake of old times." Never shall I forget the regretful look he gave me, as with a most lugubrious countenance, he answered while sniffing the aroma from the hot whiskey which the Hebe behind Beigh-

ton's bar Jwas administering to the cus- I tomcrs. " I can't, 1 daren't, I'm pledged." " jfour what !" I exclaimed. " i'us," he returned with a dismal snort, " F say it again, I'm pledged. In an unguarded moment J suffered myself to be per-maded, ' and despite the extreme caution I have exercised for the past forty years, I am a teototuller. Ah !" he continued, " how slight is the thread upon which our destinies hang. 1, who used to brew a nectarian tipple that would make gouty topers skip and dance, and chronic boozers rejoice, 1 am now an abstainer. You remember, old fellow, when we were together at Wetherstones in the early days, what an adherent I was of Lavater's theory of the face being the index of the mind. Nor can you forget how I supplemented his axiom by asserting that the nose was the indicator of the stomach. Imagine the anguish I feel when I tell you that the mulberry appendages that cost me sums to cultivate on the tip of my nose that would have ransomed Boobli Jokh, Rajah of Arrackpore, have lost their brilliant ruby appearance, and are now the colour of unripe gooseberries. Yes, dear Muddle, such is the case indeed, and all through that indecision that has characterised me through life. My friends, who nightly poured libations to the jolly god, have melted to the consistency of water kelpies, and 1, who used to troll forth stentoriously, ' Give to me the punch ladle ; I'll fathom the bowl,' have no more voice left than an asphyxiating gosling, who, among my contemporaries, will recognise in me the pumpernickel upon the issue of whose report the vignerons of France and Portugal would be sad or joyful, and the approving smack of whose lips would place unlimited moneys at their disposal ; who, instead of retiring nightly beneath the mellow influences of seven tumblers under his belt, has to resign himself to cabbage and toastwater. Now, don't tell me that toastwater is invigorating. As well say that one can get jolly on switchel, or wax fat on gingerbeer and cucumbers. Nor are these all: the evils attendant on total abstaining. My evenings are passed in listening to the senile twaddle of some superantiated pumpkin producer, who tells you that his great step-grandmother asserted that customs officers make the best smugglers (from the facilities they enjoy of filling their skins with good liquor abstracted from the O.P. bottles), and who is constantly regretting the many, many years he has spent in grog and tobacco ; years that should have been employed iv teetotalising the kava drinking costermongers of Tongatabloo. Or perhaps my attention is claimed by some local Mantilini, who informs us with upturned eyes and unctuou3 accent, through the beneficent influence of teetotalism he no longer has to pawn his ' baker's patent,' and how thankful he is that Mrs. M. has given up ' old torn,' and taken to spazzums and clear starching. Ah, my dear Muddle," he exclaimed as he bade farewell, " such is now the lot of your old friend ; as the wind is tempered to the shorn lamb, so must my stomach become accustomed to its catlap. Tn a few weeks hence what was once your florid and rotund, but now diluted Pumpernickel will be nought else but a perambulating water bottle."