FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 89, 23 October 1869, Page 6

FACETIÆ.

An editor at a dinner fable being asked if he would take some more pudding, replied in 'a fit of abstraction, " Owing to a crowd of otacr matter, we are unable to make room for it." Three boys were onco disputing as to whose father said the shottsst grace. First boy, " My father says thank God." "Oh," said the second, "mine s.iys Amen." No. 3. "Ah, but mine's the best of all ; ho nobbiu pushes his piato away and says Theer." " Is there any clanger of the boa-con-siriefcor biting me V asked a Lwly visitor aL tho Zoological Gardens. " Not the basb, inarm," replied the showman ; "lie }iever bites—ho swatters his kittles 'ole \" Says an astronomer to a bright-eyed girl, when talking of rainbows ; " Did you ever see a lunar bow, miss ?" "1 have setn a beaux by moonlight, if that's what yon mean," was the sly rejoinder. The ordinary mode for churning in Chili* is to put the milk in a skin — usually a dogs skin — tie it to a donkey, mount a boy on him with rowels to his spurs about the length of the animal's ears, and then run him about four miles. A kind-hearfceu bnt weak-minded parishioner in the far uorth got into the pulpit of the parish, church one Sunday morning before the, mincer, who happened to be rather behind the time. '.' Corns down, Jamie," said the minister, " that's my place." " Come ye up, sir," replied Jamie, " they aro a stiff-necked and a rebellious generation, the peepleof this place, and it will take us baith to manage them !" " your month" is a pamphlet by "Mr. George Catlin, advocating his well-known theory formed from observation of the American Indians : that breathing through tho nose instead of the mouth is a great preservative of health. No other animal, he says, excepting man, sleeps with his mouth o,pen, and this pernicious habit is generally conlined to the communities where artificial civiliz iHon hos been carried to an extreme. ' An Indian mother wutch.es 3ier infant j when asleep and presses tho lips together whenever they --ira parted, till the habit of always keeping the mouth closed is attain ad. Two charming women were discussing one day what; is it that constitutes beauty in the hand. They differed in qpinion as imich as does the shape of the beautiful member whose merits they were discussing. A gentleman friend presented himself, and by common consent the qv estion was referred to him. It was a delicate matter. Glancing from one to the other of the beautiful white hands presented to him, he replied at last : — ." j tdve ife up. Tho question is too hard for me ; but ask the pocr, and they will tell you that the most beautiful hand in the world is. the hand that gives." Mr. "Ramsay, late minister of Kels,o, ■was lectairing one Sunday to his congregation on the 148 Psalm. When he came tp fclie 12bh verse which runs thus — '! 13pch young man and maidens, old men and children, praise the Lord." "My brethren," says he, "I am aware that you will wonder much that wives are not here called upon to do so too. As it is my duty to resolve all your reasonable <£ue3tions relating to this Psalm, I must ioforna you that King David hath included, wives in the 7th and Bth versqs, which .-ire thus wriittm • 'Ye Dragons, <uid all Deeps, Fire and Hail, Snow and Vapor, and Stormy Wind, praise the Lord.' " (Mr. R. was unhappy in his >yives.) Fashion Gossip. — S.oine of th,e p^perg, in their fashion notices", make so many personal allusions that we aro not sxo> prised to find a chap who does not mince words' " doi)ig thi thing up" brown," as following :-~" Mrs. S , old Smith's daughter, by his wife's tirsfc husband, woro a'sLori dress of sr'rirel poplin, striped wiGh brown hew-gags, with a tight-fitting basqninej made oufc.of her ma'ii last winter cloak. Sleeves moire antique, to match highest underskirt, and bonnet of red oak bark, tied, "with slippery elm strings. Sha was as beautiful as a butterfly. She looked' a little ' old, but amazingly pretty,*'—" Miss 11 , alleged t» be the wealthiest; girl on Cheyuune-sttvefc, woro a black and tan Irish terrier poplin suit, trimmed with," bias fold 3of strawcoloured Bombazine, fcith blue sfcitohing put around the skirt with Spanlding'a glue. ShorJ; sacque, tight under the £nns, and bonnet of Buffalo chips, trimmed of cable."— American paper.