ORIGINAL TALE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 88, 16 October 1869, Page 6

ORIGINAL TALE.

A BQMANTIC STQBY : * (Concluded.) It is rather my misfqrtune than my fault that nature has gifted me with great powers of procrastination. The , result of this sad failing is often injurious to others, however pleasant the indulgence may be to myself. Perhaps, however, the gentle reader would forgive the delay in completing the Bad history of Jedediah Hunks, if he only knew how lazy I feel at times. If I remember right, I left my hero in a pretty pickle. He had acted in accordance with the gallant old carol— H« either dreads defeat too much. Or his desert is small, "Who dare not put it to the v touch, To win or lose it all. He had ventured, but he had not won. Misfortunes had accumulated, for although he rejoiced greatly at his accession to an Otagan estate, we poor wretches, who have eaten fern-root, know that this legacy was certainly not to be excluded from the catalogue of mishaps. Still Jedediah knew nothing about the South Sea Eden, except what he gathered from "reliable" publications, and in all of these a wife was mentioned as an indispensable piece of baggage. Jedediah was perturbed ; the fair Sophonisba was inexorable. The good ship Slqwsnail sailed in less than a month. Many good fellows have relieved themselves by a visit to their uncle. Jedediah did better, he went to his aunt. Miss Ray was an elderly young lady whose I chief aims in life were to breed canaries, make matches, and scold servants. She lived on an annuity, and, like most annuitants, was remarkable for health and vigour. Jedediah was her nephew, and received a warm welcome when he came to confide the sorrows of his heart. Happiness of happiness, Miss Ray knew a lady whose first cousin was intimate with the family of the fair Sophonisba. Jedediah had enlisted a powerful ally ; indeed, I have alway3 observed that these venerable spinsters take a deep interest in the out-pourings of Love's young dream. Most of them have a few faded letters, perhaps a quaint, grotesque, ungainly miniature, buried among accumulated lumber, yet recalling the sole romance of their lives. Say of old maids what you like, they always make me melancholy. It is piteous to see a loving nature forced |to cling to poodles and kittens, because in byergone days some paltry quarrel set two young fools by the ears. For heaven's sake, ladies, don't remain single an hour past twenty- | five, unless the fossil state have peculiar attractions for you. Gather the rosebuds while you may, Old Time is still a-flying. But there, I'm off the rails again, after my usual manner. My mind has in ! truth a most pestilent trick of bolting round corners, but heigh for a tight rein and the tale of Jedediah Hunka. Miss Baj set at work all the engines female ingenuity could suggest. Finally she effected a lodgement in the mansion of Sophonisba's papa, and commenced to open the siege in accordance with the rules laid down by the best authorities. The very best authorities being Defoe's Religious Courtship, Richardson's Pamela, and the Blackletter Satyre on Woinyn. She advanced her parallels slowly until, by a few well contrived feints, she discovered the citadel, or in other words, the lady's heart to be unoccupied by any previous assailant. This discovered, she pushed briskly forward until after two, or three assaults the fair Sophonisba consented to grant Jedediah an interview, adding that she had often wished to go on a long sea voyage. While his dear aunt was achieving triumphs for our hero, he was busily engaged in collecting information about the colonies. He paid a carpenter a gallon of beer to give him some iusight into the mysteries of his craft, and for a bottle of old torn obtained a practical knowledge (in two lessons) of the art of the smith. The bearer of the glad tidings from hia aunt found him employed in packing up boxes of glass beads, which ho intended to present to the inhabitants of Dunedin in exchange for a few tons of gold dust, or a choice assortment of nuggets. The golden future he had been employed in imagining gave place to ft deeire to profit by the golden opportunity of making a bold stroke for a wife. Until the appointed day arrived, he, utterly regardless of expense, took lessons in the art of bowing from a Erench dancing master — at least, the Comte Phadcig O'Borke called himself French, and' as he sported a very pretty bit of timber, no one ventured to contradict him. I fear that my hero has lost ground since I have made confession of his awful prodigality ; but I must do him bhfi justice to say Although he knew the loss of Mlbs Would trouble him full sore, Yet well he knew the loss of pelf ' Would trouble him much more. He therefore made prudent enquiries as to the probable dowry of- the fair Sophonisba, and was rejoiced to hear that she was possessed of £200, with expectations of a larger Bum. This discovery brought his love to feverhffrtv (At last the day arrived -when tha. monientous interview, was to take place.. Dressed in the choicest raiment of B, Hyam and Co., with hair bo be-pomaded that the precious essence larded the earth as he moved along, ypffli a display of jewellery

Brummagen could supply — thus equipped, need we wonder that Jedediah's heart beat high in anticipation of an easy triumph. His aunt performed the ceremony of introduction, and left the lovers to themselves. , Jedediah was speechless. And here let me interject that the great difficulty both in, love and Tvar is to open the campaign. Beginning a thing is the rub, where genius, resource, and courage are required. One horse can pull a dozen waggons along a tramway if they are once set agoing, but it needs twenty horses to set them in motion. So Jedediah boggled at the first fence, and found that none of his wellconned speeches were of the slightest use. Miss Jinks pitied his dilemma, and we all know pity is akin to love. Jedediah' s confusion served him in good stead. Miss Jinks talked about the weather, and drew out some agricultural statistics from Mr. Hunks. Everything went on in a very stupid and hum-drum, kind of way. At last a glass of wine rallied the drooping spirits of Jedediah, and he dropped gracefully on one, knee. " Loveliest Sophonisba," he said ; " brightest effulgence of transcendent beauty, turn not away from the unfortunate Jedediah. Think, dearest maiden, of the perils the unfortunate bachelor endures in the land of the Pakeha, where tho savage moa nobblerizes all day long. 0 listen to my prayer, sweet girl ; for, like a sea-gull that haa met a deadly blow, my plumage droops ; the light foraakes my eye ; I reel and stumble when I think of thee. O, sweetest Sophy, in the words of the sublime Milton, ' 0 come with me and be my. love.' " He ended, and an acute ear might have caught the maiden's whispered "Ask mamma." But Jedediah had weighty matters on his mind ; so, rising i'roin the ground, ho carefully dusted the knees of hig . Miss Hay had urged him to be romantic at the start ; he had been so, and now it; was time to introduce the practical. " Dearest," said he, "it's a long way to New Zealand."- --" Yes," was the whispered reply. " Cabin passages are very dear, and I was thinking we might manage in the steerage." A rather curious look was the answer to this. "0, by tho by, dear, you can cook, of course ?" « sip ! " 41 Cook, you know ; chops and steaks, and dinner and breakfast, and so on." Miss Jinks, looked aa though Jeclediah's system of love making struck her as more prudent than pleasant. "And oli, my darling," continued the love-sick swain, " When you read an account of the high prices charged in Otago, you will have no hesitation in perfecting yourself in the arts of the laundress and housemaid." An indignant toss of the head was the only reply. Jedediah, however, went on, " You know dear that if you can do all the washing and cooking, and keep the house clean, and bake bread, and mend my clothc.3, and make your own, and attend to the dairy, and milk tho cows, and thin the turnipa, and clean the byre, and bind m harvest, and httrrow in spring, and a few other little odd jobs about my farm, we shall bo able to save a great deal every year, and in the evenings, when the work is done, we'll be able to enjoy ourselves over tho bankbook." " Really, sir," said Sophonisba, " I think it is about time this ridiculous scene came to an end. I sliall consult my friends, and return a suitable reply to the proposal with which you have honoured me," and she sailed out of the room. '. Jedediah chuckled, and hastened to inform his aunt that it waa all arranged. ISText day he received a letter, written in a female hand, he tore it open, and read $s follows : — Sir,— As I cannot pretend to one tithe of the accomplishments yoii appear to require in a wife, I beg to decline your proposal. I have mentioned the qualification)! you require to Miss Judy Malone, our maid of all work, and have great pleasure in stating that she is prepared to listen favourably to your atUlresaas. She is an excellent cooJr, and is well acquainted 1 with all the branches of fai-in labour. Indeed, I should imagine her admirably suited for being the helpmate of so romantic a person as Mr Jedediah Hunks.- I have, &c, Sophonisba Jinks. Jedediah arrived in Otago without that indispensable article — a wife. He has done pretty well, and is a leading man in Oockatoovilie. 3liss Judy Malone is expected out by the next ship.