FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 88, 16 October 1869, Page 6

FA CE TIÆ.

Companions in Arms — Twin babies ! A Senioi Wrangler; — A wife, older than yourself. When is a bonnet not a bonne.t ?— When it becomes a lady. If you want to know whethes a, tre» is follow or not axe it. Pretty excuse for a wife-beater— The which we value most we hide. What are the most unsociable things in creation ? — Milestone?, for yo\L never 3ee |wo together. An American contemporary says ii will publish original poetry "on the same as advertisements." An excellent cure for dyspepsia is to give a hungry dog a piece o^ meat, and chase him till he drops it. What is that which no one wishes to have, yet when he has it, would be very aorry to lose it ? — A bald head. Why ia a hora© half way through a gateway lil>e a penny ? Because i\ ja head on one. side and tail <m tho btnor." One of the recent " notions " in Chicago is a white hearss, which ia described as "attractive, not to say inviting." ' What is the differenca betwsen a young girl and an old hat ?- -Merely a difference pi time— one. has feeling and the other has felt. Mrs Partin.Tfton is anxious to know, if the compass has a needle and thirty-two points, how long it will take a woman with such a needle to make a shirt. Innocent. — "Why don't you ask me how; I am ?'•'■ aroilingly said a lady visitor to a little girl about four yeara old. " Because I don'fc want to know," was the little innocent's reply. Exchange. — Woman knows the value of most things, and is always ready to exchange them when the rate is in her favour. See how quickly a woman's name is given up for a man's. How to Test Medicines. — A certain doctop used to cook into medicines all Boris of roots and herbs, and try them on his wife. If they didn't kill her., I}© was ready for his othes patients. Dr Busby, the famous schoolmaster, used to say that he governed the nation ; " for," argued that old divine, " I govern the boys, the boys govern their mothers, the mothers rat© the fathers, an,d the fathers manage the country." Blacksmiths and Carpenters.— We have ever found the blacksmiths are more or less given to vke. Carpenters, for the most part, speak plainly, but they: will . chisel when they get a chance. Not unfrequently they are hores, and often annoy one with their old saws. A Real Valentine. — " Dear Jem : Missus says she won't let me go ont f but I will, and. so there's an end of that I and now it's all out, and bo is the fire, and she may light it herself, and clean master's boots too : but don't forget the ring and my new bonnet- Your loving Valentine, Betsy Snap." ' ; A Calif ornian lawyer xecently, after* |tating a proposition, said : -" May it please your Honour, I'll bet 100 dollars, and stake the money, that what I say is good law." The attorney on the other sida declined to bet, and the argument was. admitted^ by the, Court to, be unanswerable. An ignorant, but well-meaning man, having been placed on. the commission of <: the peace in a rural district, declared, on taking his seat as a magistrate, that it would be "his most anxious. endea.Y-qur too do justice without fear, favour, or Infection; in short," Baid'hej emphatipolly, "I will take care that on this bench I will m^. J3g e^iej -partial .qj im, ;