FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 69, 5 June 1869, Page 6

FA C E T IÆ .

A Bad Debt. — The owing of a grudge. A person who is considered landless has has sometimes two or three achers in his mouth. "We know a gjrl, ?? says- sonje one, ' ' so industrious, that when she has nothing to do she sits and knits her brow." The young lady who fell dead — in love 3fith a young gentleman, immediately reyived on being asked to name the day. A gentlejnan, m lecturing $pr the Blind Asylum, began by gravely remarking, l l l£ all the world were blind what a melancholy sight it would be.'? Tit for Tat.— "JBoy," said an illtempered old fellow tc a noisy lad, "what are you holler in' for when Vm going by? M • — " HumplU" returned the boy, " what, ate you going by for when I'm hollerin'?" "There is but one good wife in this town y? p sai(| a clergyman in the course of Es serirlo'n— the congregation looked expectant — " and every married man thinks he has gotjier," added the minister. A New; . Grime - r Importance of a Comma. — In a return received from a chief constable, by the parish authorities, which records the dismissal of one of their police officers, v For attempting to marry his wife, being alive.'* A gentleman travelling in a railway parriaga was amujed by- a constant fire of words between two ladies. One of them at last kindly inquired if their conversation did not make his head ache, when he answered^ with." a- good deal of ingenuousness, " No, ma'am ; I've been married years." ■■' A celebrated dandy was one evening in company with a young lady, and observing her. kiss her favourite poodle, he advanced and begged the like favour, rein arking that, she ought to have as much charity for him as she had sliown to the dog. " Sir,'? 4 said the belle.* , ',' I never kissed my dog When he was a puppy." " Scots wha Hae"— but don>t— "Gie" — The monument to William Wallace on the Abbey Craig, near Stirling, cannot be coraphjted for w,an£ of funds. Evidently Bruce addressed his countrymen as " Scots wha hae wi' Wallace bled,'** he fdd tt'fri. intend to indicate the pocket as the seat of the blee.djng- A proposition |ias lajjely been started to erect a monument, to Bruce. We doubt the probability of it? completion, unless it can be paiisfactorily proved in our Northern friends that the historical spider that Bruce watched was 5 a money spider.—j'Eun." LA Natural .Question. — An Irish girl, ppening to ' Hear her mother speaking of going into, half mourning, said :— " Why pc w^e going intfi haj&raourning, mamma? Are any of our relations half-dead ?"

A celebrated French preacher, in a seriu.m/iinpn the .duty o,f wives,, s^id, HI see ; i tiiid^ongregatiori a' wQmari who has hoan g£iH# pi disobedience td .hei^lyiST »»and, and in order to rjoii# her ,o(it I vfjjl fling my*. breviary d;fc. tier' -he^q; M .. He lifje ll dl.hisd I.his1 .his book, a*d every female head in- 1