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FA CETIÆ.

{ What is takei* from you before yort get |t ?— Your photograph. Tight lacing shows the men how inuqh. squeezing the lady can bear. . " Wasn't that a finished sermon" we liq,d

this morning?" — ''Finished! yesatTast." There is no day born but chafes like a slroke "f music inio. the world, and sings itsslf all the vnvy through.- _"*'».' How to Spsnd Mo>?ey. — fiat below yoiw;' means, dwell according to your means, but spepd on your \yife and "children aboye your means. Women are like magazines. ■ They must have tiieir -litfele romance and adding' to make them perfect. The Archbishop of Dublin descended fit* punning about noes arid nose: , . Rather nndigniiied for a prelate. He will be known henceforth as the Archbishop of Bublintender

Living. — An Irishman, who lives with a Grahamite, Writes to a friend thatj if he wants to' know what " illigant living " is, he must come to his house, where the breakfast ' consists of nothing, and the snipper of what was left at "breakfast. 1 A Clerical. Opinion. — A clergyman, who was persuaded to look into ballroom by a lady friend, and was then asked , what he thought- of the scene, Replied : — ' . _'" * /";' ' ./., ",; " How ill tlie" ln&fcion with- the music suits ! So Orpheus fiddled, and so danced tJie brutes" „. Oojqlfng. — Jit juvenile, on coining home forar vacation, astounded his father by $sskip* f "-Why-iis my education like iced hock and seltzer VI . And before the jimazed father could reply, the young .i-oghe added, " Because" ifs schooling (it's pooling)"." ,A Fig for the,(grocer.—When,Abernethy was canvassing for the office of

ijurgeon to Sfc. Bartholomew's Hospital, |fe'balled upon a rich grocer. The great i mafe'," addressing him, said, " I suppose, Sir,' you wantmy vote and interest at this . jno.ipfejjloiis epoch of your' life." — "No I don't" 'said Abernebhy. " 1 want a pennyworth of; figs". .: Ooine^.lqok s,harp and wrap them up ; I want to be off. Delpini's Remonstrance. — Delpini had Repeatedly applied to the Prince of Wales to J speak to the' I/Ord Chamberlain to grant him a license for n> play at the Jjittle Theatre iv the Haymarket, always pleading poverty : at lasft, when he once met His Royal Highness coming out of Cfcrlton House, he exclaimed, " All votre I jfton Prince ! If you do • not gp'ealc to Milor Chamberlain for pauvre Ijelpiui, I must go to your papa's bench." ~ The Miller and the fool. — A. "miller, svho attempted to be witty at'the expense of a youth of weak intellect, accosted him with, "John, people say that you are a fool." On this,-; John replied, ( ". I don't Icnow that I am, sir ; I know some tilings, sir, and some things I don'-fc know, sir." --"Well, Jolni, what do' yon" know V' — i l I know that millers always ■ have' fat •hogs', sir." — "And what don't you know." — " I don't know whose corn they eat, sir "

Quin was orfce at a small dinner-party. The master of the house, pushing a delicious pudding towards the wit, begged him to taste it. A gentleman had just before greedily help himself to an imivrense piece of it.; "Pray," said Qyiin, looking first at the genilenian's plate, and then at the 1 dish, " which is the gudding ?" , - , . . . \ Friseli, the painter, had a great dislike %o small talk. ' Once, while sitting among gome trifling visitors, who were discussing the weather and such like subjects, after ~ i-emaining a Jong time without- speaking, lie burst forth with a " W§ had pork for dinner to-day." " Dear" Mr. Fnseli," exclaimed. one, ".what ari pdd remark!" replied he, " it is as good as anything. , you have been trying for the last hour/"" ' ' \ ."' / A couple of rival politicians were disputing aoont the extent of p. recent pro- - ceasi'ari,"-ohe claiming that ii was a small affair, and the other that it wad the J' biggest thing of the kino ever 'seen in the county.. Why," said he^. "it/ was twelve hours passing a given point, as I*ll make you admit," -looking at his oppo- , nent. I'd lilce to see you do it," said the ' latter. ." Well, the point it took us twelve hours to pass was the whiskey shop at the corner." The opponent gave |tapt ap- " .' . . Learn to "Wait.— Of all the lessons that Humanity has to leat'n in lifers school, ifiie hardest is to imnt to wait. Not to' jpait with the folded ,hauds that claim life's

prizes witliout previous effort, but having £-tr;;ggled and crowded the 'slow years '- '-with. tina)-,* *Sfe& rib 1 sucfe result as effort seems tq, -.ypjrivHit —^nay, perhaps.' disaster r-ateatl. \"%p fifcjncj ii^ni afr such crisis of '■ -'^teac-d, io pveseive one's self-poise and to** i'egpcjci, fiat to. lopse hold, pprr r to rebftovh^lkis fa* gfe'atiiesg, ' whether ;' -aieved by man or woman — whether the fk £i eof ilie-worlii not«s itj or- it is recorded ,, h j. that Hook wJliol* the lighl .of- btethiif

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/TT18690515.2.27

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 66, 15 May 1869, Page 6

Word count
Tapeke kupu
804

FACETIÆ. Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 66, 15 May 1869, Page 6

FACETIÆ. Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 66, 15 May 1869, Page 6

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