FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 65, 8 May 1869, Page 5

FACE T IÆ .

The Aspirate. — In the Victoria Legis-lature-a member was reading out a document, and vainly endeavouring to deci- | j>her an obscure letter. On turning to a I friend ho anxiously asked — "Is that a ■Wn or a hen?" "Oh!" replied his Fpjend, " Call it a hen, and move that it [ /lay on the table.*' Comparisons. — The "Boston (U.S.) Advertiser" says :—": — " A noted Democratic politician of this vicinity Avas once asserting his entire indifference to the opinions of°lu3 opponents, and to their personal * Why,' said he, ' A man likened jinVthe other day to Judas Iscariot, but I 'don't care.' 'Yes/ Said a bystander, ' but Iww does Jiidasfeel about if V

Soraething like a Horseman. — In a review of the "Memoirs of the Earls of Granard," which appeared in the "Times" on Thursday, we read that one extremely jUe member of the Forbes family, "after

fflrroa lef raefnent journeys to and from IvelarJt,"a i Ktfor a long time he performed these jonnifcvs on horseback." The " Times" mayl.veU say he was a remarkable man, So was liis horse a remarkable horse.

Sir James Mackintosh, according to the " Quarterly Review," mada a Avitty remark concerning the imputed inconsistency of Lord Lyndhnrst, Avhen Sir John Cnpiey. li l have seen nothing in the -cicies of the gentlemen opposite," said the clever lawyer, " to induce me to join them. 53 Macintosh Avhispered to Jjord John KurshlI — "Instead of quarrelling with our vievjs, he should have said that Jie did not like onr pi'ospects."

An atuuping rosiilt of the passport system is reported from Paris. A certain Mayor hal to make out a passport for a certain Duchess. The Duchess Avas wealthy ; the Mayor was in her service. The Duchess was something of a coquette ; the Mayor was anxious to gratify her humour. % But the Duchess Avas one-eyed Hid the Mnvor had a difficulty in making — ♦-ftuVtfar How was he to describe her r eyes ?He entered them in the Schedule as follows : — "Eyes - dark, beautiful, soft, and f nil of expression — one of them beity absent." This is surely the triumph of courtesy, and worthy of the jiation tha f plumes itself ou its politeness. Pearl from a Fish-Dinner. — Anything prettier than the way the ymmg Marquis of Lome returned thanks for the Jadies at the Fishmongers dinner to Ministers, cannot be imagined. Lest it should be forgotten, we immortalize it. Firat he quoted Schiller — we forget the » exact words —something of this kind — \ "Honour to women, fo tfhoui it is given. \ x T.o make men sigh to'escape to heaven," pr to that', or another effect. But the 'gem. was tf^ finish. " I thank you Prime Warden, for this homage to those who are the hardens of our hearts." The worst is that one ca>i't me this again, as War-dens ape not often met. But if ever isve meet one at a wedding-breakfast, and jiropose Vie bridesmaids, we see our Avay to something about making them Churchwardens of our hearts. Church — don't you see — marry'em — eh ? Thanks, Lord Lorne — the fishmongers don't often hear pnch pretty things about the maids. — " Punch." Profanation o£ "Religion. — Some of onr Churches still use "Tate and Brady." Many of the Dissenting chapels delight in hymn 3 Avritten in and for a former generation, with a very " purely orthodox tone," but destitute of a shadow of poetry, and possessing little enough of rhyme. But the new "style, of hymn introduced by the " Revivalists," and written not merely for this generation, but fnr this year, really surprises us by' the descant which it makes into irreverence, not to say blasphemy. The most j-ecent specimen of tTjis kind of literature jm from the pen of Mr. William Weaver. Hera is the first verse :—: — I've given my heart to Jesus And mean to keep i(. so J Hi the Devil wants to hwo it all, fll tell him-" Not for Joe." And io •through the other five verses " Not for Jos" is the refrain. The last |sj perfiaps, the most extraordinary ;-* Lord jjive me strength to fight, And battle everyjoth ; If tempted to forsa*e my God, r^it. To cry ortt— " ftojb for 'Joi, 4 v li U Uglier a Uspi'e&j,'*