FACETIÆ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 62, 17 April 1869, Page 6

FACE T IÆ .

Riddles. — What is the worst kind of husbandry ? When the man in clover marries the woman in weeds. — How long does a widow mourn for her husband? She mourns for a second. A man in Chicago was prosecuted for kicking his wife out of bed. His counsel admitted the charge, but said there were extenuating circumstances. "What are %hey'J" asked tho magistrate. "She pewistently scratched his back with a * *cnr"rycomb, may it please your honour." "It clon't please me at all, and I dismiss

'"the compi«tat," was the magisterial -respolsfe. English Sympathy with New Zealand

■ — A correspondent, under the norn rifefpfteme \>f " Fiat Lux," informs us that, ifrrVnign the darkness of England's apathy with regard to her sons in New .'Zealand, 'he 3xau discovered one solitary

• glimmer of daylight, the well-known, firm hj£^Nf andTMartin having offered to 'send -out freet of cost one hundred cases of their celebrated, blacking wherewith, to polish off the rebellious Maories.

Shakespeare Down South.-^The late Charles Matthews used to describe a scene ■witnessed- by" himself in an American theatre down Sonth. It was a mixed company of performers, black and white, n set of stage-dominoes, in fact. The play was- " Hamlet," and the Prince of Denmark was performed by a curly-pated Sambo. All went fairly well until the actor came to the soliloquy — " To be, or not to be ? " and then a demon of perversity or-, weariness entering the spectators, they demanded with irresistible clamour that. th« soliloquy should be .tflx-opped, an el " '-Possnm up t% guni-tz'ee " -tsung in its t*t n ntl then and there.

Clement Xi r . and the Scotchman. • - An amusing 3toryis quoted from "Moore's Travels" to illustrate the tolerant and kindly disposition of the then reigning Pope, Gangauelli. It seems that a Scotchman, well versod in the Apocalypse, went to Rome to convert him, and meeting his Holiness iv SK Peter's, cried out with a l<md voice — " Rome is the scarlet whore,

suid you are the Antichrist ; gang awa for .Scotland, and become a member of the •kirk." The attendants were about to

JBeizo him, but the pope interposed — " God forbid that I should punish an

honest man, who has gone through so many hardships for what he thought the good of my fo-iI." He made him some presents, and gave him full liberty to be ,tjuided l>y the Apocalypse. The Parson and the- Cabby. — A friend

«<>f mine, who is arparsonin the country, jind a sort of m'oUem Vicar of Wakeiield in his ways, came tip to town last week, ■and reaped the disadvantages of change, An tills respect, thai somewhere or o^her iw got. a bad half-crown palmed-off .upon *iim. This annoyed him exceedingly,

but most of , all- because he feared it might somehow get into circulation, and perhaps reach hands that could less afford to re-

ceive it than his own. He would have ..^thrown it iutQ the gutter but for this conaideration, and he was pondering how to got rid of it, when it suddenly struck him that he was late for dinner with your humble servant, and therefore took a hansom cab with all speed. So nervous was he at the idea of keeping, my other guests waiting, that when the cabman said, * ' Eighteen-peuce, sir," •he gave him the bad lialf-crgwn (which happened to m his only piece of silver) in change for a . -'shilling, and the poor fellow drove away. However, before he was out of sight, my benevolent clergyman -remembered what he had done, and fled down the street after the vehicle, shouting, " Cabby !■ cabby I " wildlyy and waving his alpaca umbrella. The cabman, however, though he turned round, only nodded good iiaturedly, and drove away, leaving my poor friend inconsolable at the idea of having thus robbed an honest man. He told us tUet«tory at dinner, and most of us agreeiHhaHt was strange enough that the .man had paid no attention to his signals ; but a police magistrate; who hap?^Nto k° at , our table, asked to look at 1 tlia^Jfing that the man had given our. vicV^od then quietly remarked, " Yes, I thought so ; he has given you a bad .shilling."— "Chambers' Journal."