MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLE DEHOYS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 61, 10 April 1869, Page 6

MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLE DEHOYS.

o •- By Diogenes the Youkgee.

9. The Young Man who has seen Better Days is a lachrymose humbug. He lives on an imaginary state of former greatness ; studies Byron, wears a turnover collar, and expends a small fortune in kalydor. He turns ■ up his nose at his acquaintances, and : hints at a dark mystery overshadowing his life. He boasts the sang azure of a thousand descents, and may n,ot be guilty of deceit, albeit his mother was a washerwoman, and his father of the class of gentlemen who are generally described as belonging to other gentlemen, or, in plain French, a valet. He is rash enough, .however, at times to descend to particulars, and dazzle the female mind by an account of " when I was in the Gruards ; " yet the impostor is easily detected, for he knoweth not one call on the bugle from another. He may even venture to hint at his relationship to Lord Tom Noddy, and his liaison with Lady Saccharissa Acidroppe ; but, unfortunately, people are unwilling to accept such statements as gospel when they come from a man who sups gravy xvith a knife and uses his fork as a toothpick. In fact, the Young Man who has seen Bettor Days is an impostor, and only lacks courage to become a finished swindler. "With the manners of a gent he combines a good knowledge of the "Peerage and Baronetage," a combination quite sufficient to dazzle some classes of colonial society. Still, he is sure to be found out; and the very persons who had boasted most of his acquaintance are the very persons who are first to have a fling at "the dead ass in the lion's skin.

10. The Elderly 'Young G-entlcman is an ethereal creature who blooms in eternal spring.' He has passed the age when youth is usually supposed to terminate, but his friskiness is unabated. He exaggerates the spfightliness of youth, and delights in grimace and horse-play. *He earnestly desires to be witty, but his wit, like his wig, is fearfully and wonderfully made. Ho is an ardent admirer of the fair sex,, and thinks nothing of distance or danger is he can win a' smile from sweet sixteen. But, alas ! his success is not equal to his perseverance ; his heart may be young, his legs may be nimble, but his grey locks and furrowed brow are a continual sign that " Methusaleh need not apply."

11. The Thorough Sweep live? round a corner: his whole life consists in slinking : his existence is a perpetual dpdge. He has forfeited by his miscon duct all claims to respect, and has npt the courage to retaliate on the world by becoming a great criminal. He has tho sou} of an area sneak, and his highest feat of derring-do consists in picking the pocket of a drunken man. Without houour, he is loud in his assertions of his position as a gentleman ; but his trouble is lost, for no one will believe him. He is a jackall who feeds on the leavings, of bolder animals of prey. In short, his life is spent in the kennel, and his end may bq seen in th!o Morgue. 12, The Complete Pigeon was made to be a victim. He is intensely desirous of being thought a finished man of the world, 'o£slightly fast proclivities. He»is encouraged in this belief by a host of dear friends and admirers, who bqrrow his money, smoke .his cigars, and eat his dinners. The poor Pigeon is much gratified by these tokens of friendship, and swallows flattery as his " friends " swallew his dinners. In the end, his eyes are. opened °to the value of such acquaintances, but too late to save himself from plucking. He wanders away into the world a living proof of the correctness of the dictionary definition : " Man is. a twolegged aninial without feathers,."