MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLEDEHOYS.

Tuapeka Times, Volume II, Issue 54, 20 February 1869, Page 5

MEN, BOYS, AND HOBBLEDEHOYS.

. 0 BY DIOGENES THE YOUNGER. To begin at the beginning is, in spite of the Horatian sneer, a method not unworthy of adoption. It is, however, impossible, under the existing circumstances, for me to commence my analysis o£ % .the male sex with babies, as I am in a most complete state of ignorance as to their idiosyncracies. Fond mothers may detect differences between their particular bundle of red flesh and flannel and that of- their neighbour; bu.t, for my own 'part, I never could discover the slightest distinction, between one infant and another. Even when I write of boys I fear I shall' not be understood, as the true boy is as completely extinct as the dodo or dinornis. Little men and women are all the rage, and in regretting such a change I know I am exposing my own backwardness in the march of progress. The youth of the present day look with .contempt upon such recreations as xnarbles or pegtops, and devote their leisure time to commercial pursuits. It was far different when I was enjoying the pleasures of boyhood. Lickings were unquestionably frequent ; but then we had no care for to-morrow : our- whole life was lived in the present ; and the awful delights of playing truant were not destroyed by the certainty of a good caning when the crime was detected. No boy of my youthful companions ever attempted to play the swell. We were never restrained from tearing through hedge-row or plantation — frorri plunging into ditch or pond, by a sense of " brawness ; " and if any one had ventured to appear in the trim attire of the present breed of little prigs, he would most assuredly have been rolled in the mud for his pains. Then, boys were more fearless, and less influenced by a dread of the law than they appear to bo in these degenerate days. To rob an orchard was looked upon as rather a gallant achievement, while the fights with rival schools wore characterised by a recklessness of black, eyes, bloody noses, or broken, heads that would astonish our well-behaved successors. To possess" a fire-arm of some kind was our great ambition, and strange were some of the results of our inventiveness. I remember my first gun, and the rapturous delight with which I first pulled trigger. The il gun " was an enormous musket of the old regulation pattern, with a flint lock. For many weeks I .had gazed at it in ihe window of a marine-storekeeper, to Avhom itliad been probably sold as old iron ; but the price in those days, when pocket-money was not so freely lavished as now, was far beyond my means, namely, the exorbitant sum of four-and-sixpence. How carefully I hoarded every copper I could scrape together, until at last the desired amount was accumulated. I purchased the musket and smuggled it home in fear and trembling, concealing it beneath my bed. Then how delightful it was to steal out in the early morning and pepper away at every bird or beast that crossed my path ; and what pleasure since enjoyed can compare with the joy that thrilled my heart when, after many an unsuccessful attempt, an unfortunate sparrow dropped to my shot? Ay, boys now-a-days may find delight in mimicking their elders, in engaging in petty commerce, but I question whether they are either so joyous or innocent as the rough tykes they have supplanted. But I suppose we must accept things as they are ; be content to see the rising generation play croquet instead of cricket or foot-ball, pitch-and-toss for pennies instead .of knuckle-down or peg-in-thc-ring; and so with regret I proceed .to classify the modern boy into 1. The precocious prig. 2. The pattern abomination. 3. The business brat. 4. The ordinary boy. 1. Of all the disagreeable creatures one has to encounter, the precocious prig is probably the most unbearable. His fond parents, as a matter of course, consider him a genius, and the wretch knows it. He is very anxious to show off, and his parents are equally desirous $o trot him out ; so the unhappy visitor 13 tormented with — " Tommy, dear, show Mr. Cynic that last essay of yours," and Tommy accordingly drones out fpr your edification page after page of dreary twaddle, pr stolen matter. "Is it not wonderful ? *' say the delighted parents. "He's only twelve, you know." Worse still is the conversational obtrusiveness of the P.P. Let the subject be what you like, he has an opinion, and is not the least bashful in ' expressing it, while the delighted parents glance at yoii with triumph in their eyes. It is astonishing how soon the P.P. finds his level when fee leaves the shelter of his parents' roof. The youthful genius turns out to be very common clay, unless, indeed, the forcing system brings on premature old age, death, or idiocy. 2. The pattern abomination is usually met in very religious hoseholds. His metier h the reproof of sin, atfd in doing this he forgets the respect due age and the modesty appropriate to youth. He never smiles, never joins in the games of his compeers ; his whole life is & hypocritical pharisaista, his sole pleasure the scandal which the " unco quid " delight in. He looks down on all who laugh at his pretentions as ' : the wicked," and will express, with infinite relish, his sorrow 'at their certain dopm. Yet his piety

never endures the wear and tear of the world, as he is sure to develojje either into a knave or a profligate. 3. The business brat has been brought up to the worship of Mammom. He does a brisk trade in small loans to his playmates, on the simple plan of a penny interest for every penny lent. He is always trucking in something or another, and is fated to die (after numerous passages through the mill) possessed of a largo fortune. For my own part, I never see a little wretch of this kind without feeling an inclination to try i^e remedial properties of birch oil. 4. The ordinary boy is a far more pleasing kind of fellow. He may be tamer now than he was some years ago, yet elegant dresses and etiquette have not quite destroyed him. Your U~\i a . boy is at once shy and bold : shy to strangers, shrinking from anything like notice, yet among his companions as fearless as a lion. To be a man is the summit of his ambition, and his contempt for a lassie is beyond expression,. He is given to hoarding ail manner of unheard-of trifles, and his pockets are a miniature British Museum. The savage instinct is strong in him, leading to a love of all kinds of sport. Nor is he wanting in the savage virtue of courage. Prom mere thoughtlessness he is often cruel, and if his heart be touched he is ashamed of showing emotion. "Wild, restless, boisterous, he is at least natural, and worth all the precocious prigs, pattern abominations, and business brats in the world. He cordially detests school, and would remorselessly destroy all books except "Robinson Crusoe," and the wondrous tales of Mayne Reid. He looks upon the schoolmaster as his natural enemy, and risks many a beating for the sake of playing a trick on him. His moral code is sinrple, the principle poinb being — Never tell talcs or hit a boy when he's down ; yet I question whether this does not contain quite as much as far more elaborate systems. It is almost' a pity boys grow up. What a happy world it would be if our greatest troubles were the fear of a birching, our most bitter tears shed over the grave of a pet. Yet the sorrows of boyhood have seldom a deeper source, and the elasticity of a mind unseasoned by bitter experience tmrmounts the trouble almost as soon as it is felt. (To be coniinucd.)