FACETIǼ.

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 50, 23 January 1869, Page 5

FACE T I Ǽ.

— ° — \ + A Luminous Query. — Is a Intern- ( jawed nian invariably light-heade* ' Whsvt would this world be *thout a woman f. A perfect blank— like! sheet pf paper— not even ruled. - \ E " Thou rainest in this bosom,'' fe the y chap said when a basin of watei was « thrown over him by th^ lady hi was 1 serenading. ■ 1 * A man who is advertising lodginfc to ( Jet " for early rWers, ;> . adds, " Clhin 3 China fowls of unusual vocal powerakre ■; kept qn the adjoiniug premises." I Mr. CqDle advertises his runawaykp- ( prentice, 'B. Strong, in the follo^hg *tyj§ : tf He can be identified by the let . that he has nqt combed his hair site New 'Year's Day, and cannot speak in * -words at a ijiue without nttering twe.*jr ] falsehoods, } ' ' - \ A gentleman passing along the strm 1 the other evening^detected a boy picki* ; his pocket; and, seizing him, haddet* , mined t« have him committed, when til boy begged heartily for mercy, " For id ■ deed, sir," said he, "it's my first offencel j here's your o>yn handkerchief, -and takft any of these five you like best." I ' tec, A DUemma.— >Vhile a country panft>| f hJ Was preaching, the pjiief of hia panshl V ioners, sitting near *He. pulpit, was fasti asleep ; whereupon he said, " Now, be-| loved friends, lamin & greatt ?trait ; f orl if I speak tad softly those at the farther I pnd of tia.e church cannot bear me, and if 1 I talk too loud J shall wake the chief man in the parish.? * What Grieved Him.r-A gentleman whp had been very silly and' pert in the company of Dean' Swift's " StelU," at last ' *>egan to grieve at remembering the loss of a child J 'lately dead. A bishop sitting W comforted 'him— that he should be easy, because "the child was gone to heaven." «.' No, my lord," said she; " that is it what most grieves hhn, because he is sure never to see his child toere." ' The Parish Clerk and the Railway Porter. —At a Parish Church in Essex lately/ the clerk feeling unwell asked his. friend the railway ' porter, to take his place for a Sunday. He did so, but, bein ? worn out with night-work, fell asleep. "When 1 the hymn was announced a neighbour gave him a nudge", upon Which Ke started up, rubbed his eyes, and called out, " Change here for Elmswell, Thurston; and fc'ury ! " We have this anecdote on the best authority.—" Court iloumal." ' The Poisoned Chalice. -S , tn» actbr, would never take any medicine, and Ills medical man was often obliged to resoft'tosome stratagem to impose a dose ■upon him. ' There is a play in which the hero is sentenced, hi prisen, to dnnk a cup of poison. S— was playing this chai-acter oiie night, and had giyeii directions to have tho enp filled With port wine : but what was h» liortror when he came to drink it, to find it contained a dose of seniia' He coiild not throw it away, as he had to hold #ie goblet upside down to show his persecutors he had drained every droop of it. He drank the medicine with the slowness of a poisoned martyr ; but he never forgave hismedkaL man, as was proved at his deaM^^jH died without paying his bill. ' Ne°ro Logic andXiiquor.-^H^^^B ole ffller," sdi|Mß|g|^^^H key, " look H^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H bin out initr -ai^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H feller has tiv'f^^^^^^^^^^^^^H Jiang 4at last^^^^^^^^^^^^^l