FACETIE.

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 45, 19 December 1868, Page 5

FACETIE.

A Miner's Lamentation. — " Vein ! Vein! give ore." „ • * ' - What Christian knights do the lifeboat men resemble?— Crusaders (crews aiders). We hear a great deal about the body of an argumeni, but its spirit is vastly preferable. ; jlf men believe they are superior to beasts, it is astonishing what trouble they - take to prove the contrary. .. A gentleman, in lecturing for the Blind Asylum, began by gravely remarking, "If all the world were blind what a melancholy sight it would be." Walking Pestilence. — Pompous Teacher : " Now, then, scholars;" what is the pestilence that _ jjvalketh in darkness?" Thin Little Girl-: >•' Please, sir, its fleas." "" _ * Sincerity. — Niece : " Fm .writing to ' Clara Smitn, &unt v . Shall I say any thing froni yon ? — Aunt"; " You may i giv&-lier - my love dear. How I ,do dislike that girl to be sure." ■ -■ -' "There is bnt one good, wjfe in this, town*! **- said' a clergy raafr in^he course of his sermon— the congregation looked expectant—" and 'every married man thmks hejias got £er,^ addpd the minister. Measure' lor'I or ' Measure .^CaT>by : « ' Yell ! Pm blesjb ji yon musn't be a Jand sur- ' ~ <wayer!"'- 'Fare (indignantly) V- ii.l What /do you metto, six ? . >s^hat dq>you infer by that? * Cabby : " Vy, you've measured the distance tp a liinch." A timid gentleman met a bluff, burly /doc^rjl^eho.-nras moire ndted-fo£the force than for the polish, of his language, when the following colloquy ensuea, " Doctor, what shall I taktrf or the ague ?/' « ' The Ague.- *7 -Save you got the ague P' "No." -" Well^get the ague first." • " - 'Penalties. —^-Thepenalty of buying cheap clothes is the same as that of going to law, the certainty of losing you suit, and havings "'""JoTpay Tor it. The penalty of marrying ■ is 'a mother-in-law. Q?he- penalty of re- - maining single, is having no one who "cares § button." for you, as is aban4aiitry proved by the state of your : shirts. y jgr^JJetsy, my dear, " said Stebbings, ' giving his wife a damaged pair of unmen- <- ;ii&ntfbles;, ' " have the goodness 1 to mend those trousers ; it will be as good as going to tha> play £o-moCTOW~night. M - Mrs. S. took her needle., .but confessing she could noi^see the point, remarked,, " How sol" ■ 'J *Why, my\dear, you Will see the won1 aerful ravels in the pant-o'-nu-ae.'* . Mrs. ' finished the job, and handing back the unmentionables, said, ' v That is darned good." Our Mothers Do.— We were considerably amused__the other evening at __ three, little girls playing in a back yard. , ..-.Two of "them $rere "making believe keep ""Abuse " a few yards' from each jdther—neighbors, as itjreru, One of them says,,,to the,, third little girl, .". There, no*,si w you go tp S%ah'sjiouse, a^d^stqgl! • a Tittle "ivhile, arid? talk, arid' then. yo2j come Hack', and tell* me what sfie'Sjj^H about me, and' ftten 111 talk about J^^H •rthen yon go amPtell her all I/^ns^^H then we'll get mad, iM|^BU^|^^H £goh; other, just as t>ur^^^^^B^^^H /know. ,Oh, that'll tie, S \s°^^^^^^^H An Indian carapfo a vv^^^^^^^^l the northern part of loV^^^^^^^H some 'Whisky for a young V *V^^^^^^| -;been bitten by arattlesnake.T^^^^^^H ' ageiit did' not credit, the ,st?n^^^^^^| earnestness of the Tndian $£ *2^^^^^^| of the, £ase overcame . h&K&|y|^^^^^^H asked the Indian how, C^^^^^^^^fl "Toxa^ quarts," 7<fysP > q^^^^^^^^M '* Four quarts," r s^i^ v^^^^^^^^| savagely as though t^puj^^^^^^^^^M of extermination on tha^^^^^^^^^^l A good ptonrja^^^^^^^^^^^H