FACETIÆ

Tuapeka Times, Volume I, Issue 34, 3 October 1868, Page 6

FACETIÆ

-. t>h Motto f6rth^Mariied.-rt*Never dis-pair. *-^ rf^Hte|j^re^otal.' Curiosity. — A pair of receipt '''vFpich is given , ;^l "pp.y top rporfcis." ' . j r\ „:xi:\ist. — ~v» J ,. ' "! . ,;r '.."-< ■t^.ih'cal, and took to „ • *•„-' , - •Somebody sa, •> - ■ Ju .i be like a roasted hsah — tenoo- Ad nicely dressed. .A scamp adds, " And;ynhcuit any sauce." ' ' Well, Pftt, why dyn't you ptit up your umbrella?" "Beksse, yor honor, the rain ud spile it, andjfo I kep it onder 'my arum, .#nd dfvil a djtrop ii!s got." Aman.who is a/tvor!ising lodgings to lot " for early r^ers," adds, " Cochin China lowls oj! urursual vocal powers, are kept on the adjouting promises." A Minnesota speculator, in describing a lake ii that stjite, says it is so clear and so de^) that by looking into it you can see them making tea in China ! 'Mrs. 3 ones, a farmer 3 -wife in Connecticut, say 3:— *' 1 b'lieve Pve got the tea- * de?est-hearted boys in the world. I can't * tell one of 'era to fetch a pail of water but what he'll burst out a dying . ' ' V/hy iis a pretty yQUHg.Lidy like a loco- ' motive engine ? Don't give it vp — -there are lots '.of reasons. She sends off the sparks, transports the mails (males), has a train' fpllov/ing her, and passes over the plain. ' y " L> asi<ler<ft?our. — An unmarried h -» \ >:•";,' Mdc of fifty, hearing .. • I :.: j .ju.^v> ■ '". a young lady, her .\t -I, o'^ ;. 'vod, '-\ \ -?a a deep and serrti- ), merit:*, 'j.bj "■ V- •!. I suppose it's what '" -Tc- .. / T Off.— A little girl . O'.evreit ' . aDout four years old, a , raying— " That star you see up there is bi^er than this world." "No it ain't," said he. " Yes it is." " Then why don't it keep the rain off," replied he.

A Merited -Reward . —A physician , much . attached to ]ii 3 profession and hi 3 own skill,. during his attendance on a man of business, observing that the patient -was very punctual in taking all his medicines and following his rnles, exclaimed, in the pride of lilo heart, "Ah, my dear sir, ' now you-deservo to be ill ! M Dr. Dosey was .ill ; his friend, the Rev. Peter Quick, applied to the patron for the vest presentation ; but the doctor recovered, and upbraided the Rev. Peter for such a breach of friendship, saying, " You looked for my death." " !No, no, doctor," said Peter, "You quite mistake; it was yoiir living I looked for." A young preacher, just started on his travels as an itinerant, -was holding forth ■ on the Delcge ; jmd after describing the . manner Noah buiit the g?k, a-d filled it with animals oi, every kind, by pairs, closed, in a solemn tone; thus — "You must know, my dear heaxers, that it was an at*3uoi2s task for .Noah and his son 3to • get a "pair o£ whales into the ark." ;' A learned weaver, in stating his case before the Provost of a Scotch town, having had occasion to speak of a person . -who was dead, repeatedly described him as " the defunct." Irritated by the iteration of a word he did not understand, the Provost at last exclaimed, " What's the use o' talking sac much about the chiel as* ye ca' the defunct ? "• Canna ye bring the roan here and let him speak for himsel'?" "The defunct's dead, my lord," added _the weaver. " Oh, that alters the case," gravely observed the Provost. "Go on, sir." . - . . ' A young lawyer was examining a bankrupt as to how\he had spent bis money. There was about two thousand pound 3 ! unaccounted for, when the- attorney put i on 9, severe scrutinizing face, arid ex- i ■ claimed ■with much self-complacency '• " Nowi sir, I want you to tell this court and jn|yliojp\yoti used those two thousand I ~ pounds v The bankrupt put on a serioeomioJ^fee, winked at the audience, and . replied, "Tie > lasers got that!" The 'judge and atrdience were convulsed with laughter, grid the judge was glad to let . the bankrupt go. ,"-; - •-■ '* - *. . A erirxotia experiment was recently tried . by two. inhabitants of Vienna, between ■vyhom the question arose whether man or ■froDian had tho most yanity. Unable to - c^nvinee each oth&r, they made the subject £ question of bet ; *b.e- stakes were -••fcw^hu4<ke& florins. To decide, they frvtyediA piece themselyes before a mirror sndp and'.cotuft the number of men and $ro fien. .who; out of one hundred of either sex.' 'should stop and admire themselves in t«e-lookiiuj glasses. -In an hour they ~liad{coimted, oat of one'liutidred women, 'ifejgljfty T^h-i-had stopped to look at them-■-selves'/' irntl cm s* of one hundred men, ji in aefcy-five who paused to admire their