THE COUNTRY

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 233, 28 February 1885, Page 10

THE COUNTRY

Contributions are invited from counv* y dis- \ icts, hut no notice will be taken of communications which J contain ■ merely vague, or spiteful remarks, or are not attested by o genuine signature and address. Correspon dents should write only on ono side of the -paper. KAEO. The wife of a certain business man here is making herself very obnoxious by passing rude remarks about other women. Trade is dull, and she has nothing else to occupy her time. WHANGAROA. Sugs prefer* the truck system to hard work on a guinfield. Uncle says if the G. T.s get into the pub. he'll make them a bier and a (funeral) pile to boot. COROMANDEL. There is no attraction at the Royal Mail for George now that Johanna has left for Arch Hill. Paddy Mac. says he enjoyed his dinner very much with Kate when her parents were out for a ride. PAKURANGA. Poor Peter has been jilted. The Ranter threatens to split on C. Since the gate has been removed from the road, James fears P. will see him. WANGANUI. Alice looks quite killing in her white dress and silver belt. R. says he does not care how far he has to ■walk so long as he sees Maud. He had better look out for M. WAIPU. Wanted known that the two couples who left the ball room at an early hour got home very late. The Maucgaturoto cobbler and saddler are getting rather stiff about the joints for dancing a hornpipe on a stugo. The next time you take a professor of such a childish profession as pins and card tricks before an intelligent audience, Mr 8., you will get pinned and discarded yourself. TE AROHA. Ask Ben how he got the biddybiddies on his back on Sunday. The corner had better mind their coalscuttles or they will be getting them disfigured. Hard times when Miss S. has to take her little brother up the street for company. That punt boy should be more polite in his language in the street of a Sunday morning. W. should not speak so loud next time he is courting Milly in the dining room. OTONGA. How much kauri did B. sell for the bridge ? When is that new house going up at the Home JFarm ? Who has been killing Scott's pigs during his absence ? Taffy likes teaching B. to waltz. Does his •wife know ? The grocer's clerk is going to send for his wife and family and settle down ; he says a Rollin(g)--tton(e) gathers no moss. KAMO. Sweet William is still a devoted follower of Miss G. The blacksmith looked quite killing on Wednesday night witli one arm round his girl and a kerosene fin in the other. Now William has from town come back, And found that Frank has got the sack, He says that he will try once more To win the girl from that old store. But if some evening at the shop Sweet William should the question pop, Though it might break his heart, I fear Jessie would answer, ' No, my dear.' TAURANGA. The Grey Mare has succeeded in turning the attentions of the beardless organist to Maggie's attractions, and he has returned her to the j choir. That there is but a step from the sublime to the ridiculous is exemplified in the following extract from two of the local papers — 'The Rev. Charles Jordan, A.8., will preach two sermons, and music specially arranged. Those who have hitherto known him as the " fighting parson " ■will be glad to bear of his posing in the role of a musical one/ WHANGAREI. Reid is right in it among the ladies. The new solicitor is supplanting our masher. The bush fire at Hikurangi drove all the bachelors hither. The R.JyL is going to lick creation with his new buggy, but Tucker and Grice are going to go him one better, with a buggy for our coming member, Mr Fuller. The question of tho day is — ' Who made Whangarei ?' Reply by the editor of the Buster ttt' land Joe Bennett.' When* is that purse of * sovereigns to be presented ?

HASTINGS (H. 8.) 1 Why do the little shop 3 keep open so late at ' night ? la it the late bird that'catches the worm j nowadays, or it the Pawn Shop's orders? The flag at the cigar shop will be hoisted to half-mast high during t,he time the Native Lands Court is being held at the Protestant Hall. There was weeping and wailing at the rag shop when the chestnut mare broke down. Three good men thrown out of work, and alt the figures on the wrong side of their books. GISBORNE. The Misses A. should not have put on sides at Holy Trinity on Sunday evening. Which of the lovely Misses K. is the little petroleum-seeker trying to mash ? Be careful, Davy, they may mash you. The Gisborne boys (a club of about thirty youths all under twenty) have been the leading power of cricket this season. Great changes in our church music — H. Bell has got the organ at Holy Trinity, and Reynold's wants to play at the Presbyterian. Qvite tragic at Holy Trinity! The churchwardens think there is gas enough wasted, so they turn the illuminating power nearly out when the sermon commences. Old people say it is really disgusting to see how the young bride carries on with single chaps still. The same old story— * While the cat's away the mice will play. 1 TAUPO. Where, oh, my brother, went those whiskers ? A grievous famine reigns in Lady Bouutiful's establishment. The lady from the black north leaves for fresh fields and postures new. The Ron says the bright smile of that maid at the corner haunts him still. Who pays for the day's screw of those two cowboys that drove that cow and calf to Opipi ? The Taupo China war has ended. The belligerents have signed a treaty of (separation) peace. The aboriginal gardener has gone by order to join the piok and shovel army on the TaupoWanganni road. What a sell for the hero of the Lancet when that lady thought lie had gone over to the Grey party, but he was still as black as night. THAMLS. Billy and Miss H. are getting thicker. The Short-land girls want to know what has become of that young man at the tobacconist's. Chummy of the Salvation Army was doing tie grand with a hallelujah lass instead of being at the ' holiness meeting ' the other night. A small boy hearing at the Salvation Army that when we go to heaven we will only wear one robe, wants to know if it will be a blanket as worn by the Maoris. j On a recent Saturday afternoon a boating party, consisting of two young ladies and a gentleman, were sailing towards Tararu in an open sailing boat, when — oh, (h)e(a)vans ! the boat capsized, and the party clung to the sides of the boat until assistance arrived, but the tide being very low, they could not reach the shore in the rescuing boat, and Trero therefore compelled to walk through the mud for some distance, which, at that state of the tide, resembled a marsh. One of the party wa9 afraid of being (H)ill through getting j such a thorough wetting. Kind friends provided a change of clothing for the party, and they then returned home in a cab, leaving the ! boat on the beach. HELENSVTLLE. How ungenerous of those Wesley ans to allow the poor preacher to get his meals where he could, and to submit him to the indignity of begging money to pay his fare home again after dispensing the Word to them. Has Methodism ceased to recognise that the labourer is worthy of his food, lodging, and railway fare ? A certain local gentleman, who said he had been accustomed to figurea all his life, volunteered his services the other day as auditor to a friendly society. He was appointed, and in due course a balance sheet was presented for auditing. To balance the. accounts, there happened to be £2o down on the credit and debtor sides. This was too much for the man of fignres, and he refused to pen the accounts. All eyes are now concentrated on the Ancient Mariner — nearly as old as Adam — who has just taken unto himself a wife from among the ranks of the young and beautiful. It is quite a treat ' to see the couple — May and December — taking their promenades about the township — the old 'un in trousers and shirt, the young bride in becoming attire. It is certain if the old 'un can't kick he can't bite. OTAHUHU. A new idea — selling tickets for a bachelor's ball. Annie and Celia might with advantage have taken lessens in decorum from the native. Was it gooseberry pie or the work of the devil that made the lightning-jerkers so sour last Sunday ? Oh, Christopher ! he was such a devoted student of the Book of Nature that he never took his eyes off the page. Very naughty, James, to attempt riding over a salvation soldier. Do you want him to go to the hospital instead of the Whan ? Milly's paitner on two occasions found the pace too fast for him. No doubt the possession of so much gold destroyed his equilibrium. Those two young ladies (?) who were seen rifling a la ' Margaret Catcbpole,' can borrow side?saddles;by applying to Peeping Tom. A bathing dress has been presented to Miss — no name this time, but don't do it again. Our boys are getting modest and bashful, hence^this prei sent to the fair bather.

The silver coins that were thrown to the 'Lord's Brigade ' la9fc Sunday found their way to — ahem! well, Captain L. says the Lord's money was picked up by the devil and spent in draughts of liquid hell. The races were well patronised, but • observed of all observers ' was a gentlemen well-known in Otahuhu. His martial bearing, his prancing steed, his presence hero, there, and everywhere, made peoplo ask—' Who is he ?' and at last my friend Johnny made answer. ' Who is he bedad ? Why that's the hero of Khartoum!" So he is, and he's looking after the Mahdi ! ONEHUNGA. Bob was afraid to propose — Annie has too many dresses. On dit that the Bantam will run in double harness shortly. It is thought that Bill's visits to the lodge are chiefly on account of L. Sawdust Oharljy means business, judging from his visits to the Alfred Prince. How quiet E. kept that wedding. Was lie frightened the news might reach Whatawhata ? | The local eorneti9t should seek a more reserved spot for his tootings ; they are frequently heard. Take care, Mick, Charley will cut you out. On dit he was arranging matters last Thursday evening with the ' mater.' Beware, boys ! the bank intends issuing invitations for a great tuck iv, and as much pass around the hat. Who was the young lady lately on the bus that exclaimed in dulcet tones, ' Please let me sit next the driver?' Poor fellow, he collapsed. Sam, of Excelsior House, eclipsed all the performances of the local Jehu last week in Queenstreet. Hancock's Whitsom sparkling again to the front. The Auckland tea-merchant found the sex as Uncertain as usual. ' Tell thoso young ladies I'm coming out on Sunday to see them ' was the message. They went out, too. A few songs are already announced for the next concert : — 'Don't forget me, little darling,' ]VI. ; ' Oh, will you no come back again ?' Or. ; 'Kissing at the garden gate,' Q-. ; ? Oh, Greorge, ask him to stop,' D. ; • The bloated young aristocrat,' B. ; ' How happy I can be with any when my own little charmer's away,' H. ; '1 likes to trot her out upon a Sunday,' ' Why don't the men propose ?' S. ; • Molly Darling,' L.