"MARK TWAIN" AND THE "LADIES"

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 151, 4 August 1883, Page 4

"MARK TWAIN" AND THE "LADIES"

\- *• The ladies, bless them," was the toast assigned to " Mark Twain." The toast, ha said, includes the sex universally;, it is to "woman comprehensively, wheresoever she may be found. Let us consider her ways. First comes the matter of dress. This is a most important consideration, in a subject' of this nature, and must be disposed of before we can intelligently proceed to examine the profounder depths of the theme. For text let us take the dress of two natipodal types — the savage woman of Central Africa and the cultivated daughter of our high modern civilisation. Among the Fans a great negro tribe, a woman, when dressed for home, or to go to market, or out calling, does not wear anything at all but just her complexion — that is all ; that is her entire outfit. It is the lightest costume in the world, but is made of the darkest material. It hns often been mistaken for mourning. It is the trimmest and neatest and gracofullest costume that is now in fashion, It wears well, is fast colors, does not show dirt. You don't have to send it down town to wash, and have some of it come back scorched •with the flat-iron, and some of it with the buttons ironed off, and some of it petrified with starch, and some of it chewed by the calf, and some of it changed for other customers' things that haven't nny virtue but holiness, and ten-twelfths of the pieces overcharged for, and the rest of the dozen " mislaid."' And it always fits. And it is the handiest dress in the whole realm of fashion. It is always ready done up. When you call on a Fan lady and send up your card, the hired girl never says, " Please take a seat ; madam is dressing. She will be down in three-quarters of an hour." No. madam is always ready dressed — always ready to receive ; and before you can get the doormat before your eyes she is in your midst. Then, | again, the Fan ladies don't go to church to see I what each other has got on, and they don't go back home and describe it and slander it. Such I is the child of savagery as to everyday toilet, and thus, curiously enough, she finds a point of contact with the fair* daughter of civlisation and high position who often has " nothing to wear,*' and thus these widely-separated typos of the sex meet I upon common ground. Yes, such is the Fan woman as she appears in her simple, unostentatious everyday toilet. But on State occasions I she is more dressy, At a banquet she wears braclcts, at a lecture she wears earrings and a i belt ; at a ball she wears stockings, and with the true feminine fondness of display, she wears them on her arms ; at a funeral she wears a jacket of tar and ashes ; at a wedding, the bride who can afford it puts on pantaloons. Thus the dark child j of savagery and the fair daughter of civilisation meet once more upon common ground, and these two touches of nature make their whole world j kin. Now we will consider the dress of our other type. A large part ot-Jhe. daughter of civilisation is-her drees— as it should be. Some civilised woman would lose half their charm without dress, and some would lose all of it. The daughter of modern civilisation dressed at her utmost best is a marvel of exquisite and beautiful art and — expense. All the lands, and all the climes, and all the arts are laid under tribute to furnish her forth. Her linen is from Belfast, her robe is from Paris, her lace is from Venice or France or Spain, her feathers are from the remote regions of Southern Africa, her furs from the remoter home of the iceberg and the aurora, her fan from Japan, her diamonds from Brazil, her bracelets from California, her pearls from Ceylon, her cameos from Rome. She has gems and trinkets from buried Pompeii and others that graced comely Egyptian forms that have been dust and ashes now for 40 centuries, her watch is from Geneva, her cardcase is from China, her hair (lengthy) is from — from — I don't know where her hair is from ; I never could find out that, That is her other hair 5 her public hair, and Sunday hair ; I don't mean the hair ahe goes to bed with. Why. you ought to know the hair I mean; it's that thing which she calls a switch, and which resembles a switch as much as it does a brickbat, or a shotgun, or any other thing which you correct people with. It's that thing which she twists and then coils round and round her head, bee-hive fashion, j and then tucks the end in under the hive, and then harpoons it with a hair-pin. And that reminds me of a trifle : — Any time you want to, j yoti can glance around the carpet of a Pulman car, and go and pick up a hair-pin, but not to save your life can you get any woman in that car to acknowledge that hair-pin. Now, isn't that strange? But it's true. The woman who has never swerved from cast-iron morality and fidelity in her whole life will, when confronted with this crucial test, deny her hair-pin, She will deny that hair-pin before a hundred witnesses. I have stupidly got into more troubles and more hot water trying to hunt up the owner of a hair-pin in a Pxilman car than by any other indiscretion of my life. Well, you see what the daughter of civilisation is when she is dressed, and you have seen what a daughter of savagery is when she is not. Such is woman as to costume. I come now to consider her in her higher and nobler aspects — as mother, wife, widow — grass-widow, mother-in-law, hired girl, telegraph operator, telephone hallooer, queen, book-agent, wet-nurse, step- I mother, boss, professional double-headed woman, professionai beauty, and so forth and so on. We will simply discuss these few — let the rest of the sex tarry in Jericho till wo come again. First on the list of right, and first on our list, comes a woman who — why, dear me, I've been, talking three-quarters of an hour. I beg a thousand pardons. But you see yourselves that I have a large contract. I have accomplished something, anyway. I have introduced my siibject, and if I had till next Forefathers' Day I am satisfied that I could discuss it as adequately and appreciatively as a glorious and noble theme deserves. But, as the matter stands now, let us finish as we began, and say, withoxit jesting, but with all sincerity, " Woman — the ladies, bless them !" " Brief." - March 1881.-— The "Eoyal Amethyst"' Velveteen is one which will become a great favourite, the colotu- being excellent, being blue black, without possessing that extremely blue tint some velveteens have, and which renders them unfit for mixing with other black materials. The " Boyal Amethyst 1 ' is distinguished by the peculiarity of having its name stamped upon the selvedge of the velveteen.wbere it can be easily seen. , The pile is perfectly fasti and is very close and firm, the' fabric itself beins thinner and lighter than velveteen, iisiially is; it makes rip 'much Uetterjian'dl is moreflike'iLy.cms and Genoa -Velvets' in -''"-W^ .."" ■'■'-•'-'/• "•■'■ '

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