OMNIUM GATHERUM

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 151, 4 August 1883, Page 4

OMNIUM GATHERUM

; '". ; /iv.Wnen'Seddon goeß>into;that pub.* at Masterliosfhe '"will continue to serve the " public." . ; 'p VA^Bojitißycle'rgyman, named Evans, has under- '•-, Jaked'to 'deniolisbi'Brigh't, free-thought lecturer; - „ =' P&ries T. Sedds etiitbr'bf the Illinois Liberal, : fcoaeia'that He has been "co'whided fifteen times in •, . ■&ss?s&,. ' v> . ,. .- , „ .-.-.■ ;',.. /-A Christchurch parson who made an exhibition ',<: of himself in the streets by being seen drunk has ;,, fraMed- in his> surplice; ■ • - : Our Mfs.Ramsbotham wants to know whether ;;;"'Dußt;' J the- new novel, is by Ouida, who she thinks has' already written Dirt. / {Society, say's there is not much cspifcal in Auckland. But then we haven't so much brass as the Christchurch people, nor clerical Brigham Youngs. An' Ohio court has' decided that a Telephone Cbn^pany hae a right to remove the telephone of a person who persisted in using profane language in his messages. A married woman in Christchurch has taken to her bed in a delirium through being forcibly kissed by.a." masher." Wonders will never cease. Legal proceedings are threatened. . A suburban Highway Board got up the other • day, and wanted to take " the sense of the Council."" He took it. But he lost it shortly after. The cork came out on his way home. :: i*he meanest man on record is in the Napier district. He' is a squatter, and recently split a blanket in half because the infant was half-caste. The other half was made into saddle-cloths. .'Power, the notorious Australian bushranger, who is now 65 years of age, will be liberated from gaol in October. Unless, the old man's hand has forgotten its cunning, lively times may be looked ■ • for.;. The Sydney Morning Herald, in a farewell paragraph on Archibald Forbes, hints that after his marriage he will return to New South. Wales, and assume an important position on the staff of that journal. "The parents of the well-known Rev. C. H. Spurgeon celebrated the fiftieth (golden) anniversary of their wedding in May last. Forty of their descendants were present. When will our own Spurgeon celebrate his first ? It cost two millions to crown the Czar. It will cost about five and sixpence to discrown him. That is, of course, unless dynamite goes up._ It is not certain that dynamite will go up. But it is certain that the Czar will go up. ' Parson: "I'm sorry to hear, Fnllocks, you have parted from your wife." Fullocks : "It wam't my fault, sir. Fust she gi' me three months for breakin' her jaw, then she gi'me six for 'arf killin' oh her; then she bound me over to keep the peace i^-and I couldn't stan' it no longer." ,".T." suggests the following sketch for a cartopn: — A prominent citizen riding a hobby labelled " Education " at hurdles, marked " House of , Representatives," and an examiner of the College, bawling ?* Come in clown," at the moment wJben the Rev. Nelson is entering. ___" ££00 ;wjU~b^ .paid "tor.. any case that Hop not cure or help;" -We.claim that ;£sjoo. There is a ricketty old case out in our back ■ yard that nothing Trill cure or help.' _- xt used to contain — ginger ale — but — . We dare $ot trust ourselves to say more on this painful eubject. Hand over that wealth. They had just been made one, and were about 1 to leave the church when the " one-maker " called back the bride. " Ma'am, you were forgetting the marriage certificate ; here ,tis." She took the document, and on getting into the street, she yelled at the top of her voice: " Come this way, Mickey, I've got the resate ov you at last." The type of the leading articles which have appeared in the New Zealand Times is slumped into its weekly shadow, the Mail, and labelled " Spirit of the Press." It would be a bad day for New Zealand if the Press were actuated by BUch a miserable spirit of subserviency to the Government as these articles evince. " The champion mean woman lives in Tauranga. The other day she purchased a twopenny candle and 4 ounces' of butter at a local store, and when she got home sent the candle back because it was cracked. Which reminds us that the champion mean man resides in one of the suburbs. When he rides to town in the 'bus with his wife and ■little daughter, he carefully tears a threepenny ticket in half to pay for the half fare of the child. CRUSHED AGAIN. The day was still on Flagstaff Hill, Bright Sol above was beaming ; No rose o'er ocean's rill, ..;,, Its 'waves in light were gleaming. 'With Jemima round North Shore he strayed, '•-.:> The sky beamed joy above them, '■iHe pressed her hand, and asked the maid ,i '■■■ To tell him if she loved him. ... .^Pith- modest air she drooped her head, JE^er cheek of beauty veiling, ... -Her bosom heaved — no word Bhe said, ] /.' He, marked her strife of feeling, '-' "Oh! speak my doom, dear maid," he cried, '■'■■''-' " Ere evening stars do glimmer ;" '- 'She gently raised her eyes and sighed, '■.' '/'You fool, we'll miss the steamer." .'.. ",>Why doesn't Sir George .Grey move for a return of all the relatives of the Colonial directly or indirectly connected with the Civil Service of the colony ? " asks.: a, contemporary. We will assume /the responsibility of answering this question.' For the simple reason that it would take all the clerks in- the Civil Service a month to prepare, and' the Government a year to print it. Moreover, if the relationship had to be defined, a Royal Commission of pld,women> would have to adjudicate for years • over some of the intricate problems that would .be.pr^e^ted, a.nd would die'; of old age before .they ihajdUsent in .their 'report.' ' The ramifications " *>f> ,thft'iiL^ipfS?R> l^Hfe^? n - Hursthou^e ■ : 'i aihilies^one ls' as; ppniplica^ed: as a. spider's web.; ' tr^Tlie^tate^erifcitad^jby ft v wit9gss.^tHe ? .l)un-: 'Iqdxu *§^jßig,un^t}iat. Caldtfell sugg^ed, tyjpm ;;

to: commit 'suicide . by sayings", there. is a>necktae and a window/ . reminds <onepf', an old story of the days of Spike Island; There, wers half-a^ dozen : criminals > to ; be . hanged on the same .morning. Everything was in readiness. The six men stood in a row on a, long drop, ready to be .launched into eternity. But ..the hangman appeared to be nervous. . He was not used to the scientific method of " wprkin' 'em off," as Dennis, in DickeusV" T»le of Two Cities," styled it. There .was something wrong with the drop ; it wouldn't go down. But the gaoler, who was watching the proceedings with a critical eye, calmly beckoned to the sis criminals, and .in a business-like, affable tone, remarked,, "Jump off! jump off! my lads. Look alive !" It is hardly necessary to add that the " lads " didn't see it. The Payment of Members' Bill proposes to raise salaries — we mean honorariums — to £300 : — Oh ! who can tell the joy that stirred Each member's bosom at the, news, "When through the lobbies passed the word, " Great Atkinson has raised our screws 1 \ Small salaries we've docked a few : ' And thereby saved some trifling sums, | \ And now the best thing we can do - , Is raise our honorariums. 6 Let Atkinson the country roam, i Of pauperism's evils preach ; j * But charity begins at home '— This is the doctrine that we teach. | " Economy " must be the cry Before financial ruin comes, Provided that it don't apply To member's.honorariums. An American special has been interviewing O'Donovan Rossa, whom he found sitting armed cap a pie amidst a grim array of dynamite bombs, " They say some of your agents greased the stairs for the Queen to fall," remarked the reporter, after the usual greetings had been exchanged. " Do they?" said the conspirator, " diviL's cure to 'em ! Before I'm done wid the toyrants, begobs I'll have all the stairs in England greased. Look out for some news about the Prince of Wales, me boy." And here O'Donovan winked mysteriously. "What do you propose 'to do to the Prince?" " I'll tell you, but I want it kept a saycret. I'm told the Prince bates dogs, and takes a kick at every one he meets. Well, sir, my friend John Kearney has a cross-eyed wee dog, which I propose to send to London. When he arrives there he'll be feed on nitro-glycerine and dynamite pills. Then the dog will be sent to the Prince ; of course he'll try to kick the head off him. The first kick he gives the dog will explode the dynamite ; off goes the toyrant's head." When the sun was jslowly setting, slowly setting, round and red, And the darkness creeping onward (old the day was nearly dead, In a Lome-street hovel lay a man whose race was nearly run, And whose day of life was setting sjowiy withthe setting sun. j Ah, that pale face worn, and wretched ! ah, those lurid sunken eres! Soon to lose that light, and n*reer more behold the fading ekies : Ah, the bitter fevViak clutching for the cooling draught from luirtds Scorned in days of v; wished riot ! Patient there the true soul elands — Patient all the night through ; patient, waiting, x . •waiting for the end, WaitinjpHitil day dawnß, waiting, as the length'ning shadows tend Long and black across the roadway — Waiting, Hear this, Christian men ! Waiting till he J 8 fit to join her in the same old drunk again. A Kaeo correspondent writes : A man up here resorts to many clever dodges in order to get his daughters advantageously married. He resorts to paragraphs in the newspapers, and other means of puffing their charms in order to bait the hook, and it goes very hard with him if he does not succeed in getting them comfortably taken off his hands. We were surprised the other day at a paragraph in your " Society " news referring to a certain young lady as being literally besieged by beaux, the fact being that she is too young for anything of the sort, and so far from having any pretentions to fashion never wears boots except on Sundays. (We can't for the life of us see what boots have to do with it. If Adam had insisted on six-button kid boots as an indispensible part of Eve's trousseau it is impossible to say how matters would have proceeded without a miracle. The world would have been at a standstill, and the present generation of high-heeled beauties would never have been born. This matter of boots is entirely a question of taste. In fashionable and fastidious communites a man would as soon think of marrying a woman without her gown as minus boots, and in China, the boots are the most important item in the female tout ensemble. But amongst the Africans, Polynesians, and coming nearer home, the Maoris, boots carry no weight whatever in courtship and marriage. Perhaps, after all, if a girl has a small well-shaped foot, free from bunions and corns, she looks better | going barefoot than limping along like a lame duck- in a pair of boots about two sizes too small for her. Ed. Obs.)

Gorged livers, Bib"ou8 conditions, constipation, piles, dyspepsia, headache, cured by "Wells^ May Apple Pills." sd. and Is. boxes at druggists. Moses, Moss & Co., Sydney, General Agents for Austrlasia. Oood fob Babies. — " We are pleased to say that our baby was permanently cured of a serious protracted irregularity of the bowels by the use of Hop Bitters by its mother, which at the same time restored her to perfect health and strength."— The Parekts. See. . ■ . " Journal , des Modes."— March, 1881.— " Royal Amethyst " Velveteen. This is a now inae of velveteen introduced by one of the largest velveteen maufacturers in Manchester. The quality is superior for the price to any other material yet introduced, and will in every way recommend itself to the purchaser both for lustre and quality. W. Rattray, Sole Agent for Au'cla'ndl "The Mobning- Post."— "Ye' Royal Amethyst Velveteen." (Registered.) Each piece is stamped with the Trade Mar/c, "Amethyst* and two small Crowns. Manchester; London. Retail by all leading Drapers throughout the Kingdom. „" Perhaps uo textile fabric haiTe.ver been offered to, ladies so nearly adproach•in* the' duality and 'richness of real silfc velvet. In nurity of colour and- shade , its draping, leaves scarcely " p.ii.vtHmc:' tp .b>,de.3jr.ed." W. Eattray, .Sole ; Agent.for