THE COUNTRY

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 150, 28 July 1883, Page 12

THE COUNTRY

»^^y;:- ! ■■•■•'-■■.• ■■• - ;••• ■■•■-■ , ; : ; |^P^<^ii|flyi3ii,B.^-Tbm--,iß; very 5 proud of the "(,,;^^ii;itfdaitipn ;...;; Fred is ; making hard running ''l-'l^'/^^toOit.ff-Men, 1 dogs, and pigs are cautioned ri* \Tß^irtßJL^B,6Bif ai?e -arid his peashooter. '. . . . .The little >$.fo&uni!B'fc is tiaking the shine out of Bob with Miss '£|^&fiyißj^ . •■ ' v «V^^^^)C^^ea.th[ , iie'ar Mick intends taking (^f|w Itjia&imonial leap. The boys will help him to '.;< ; '/|rii^)c.^^.^m. ;....;.. T. O.' 'is again a visitor at the thare a remittance on the way out ? )^^}J^cxsAS(jmAi^-- What a romantic scene was v^^j«!te3.at,A i V front gate on Saturday night ":'. sjj^fcyeen charming Kate and the lady-killer. Did y ' :: } ia^9 get the .expected proposal ? Happy woman ! ' SouTH.-^-Is Miss H. the attraction for . :.v : AVat Otahuhu ?...... What a desperate spoon that '• --.f-iiiteresting ' couple were doing at the Ploughing ,; -'Mutch 1;..... Why does G-.H. absent himself from -'-'■-': 'tis -loved one at Otau ? ;-, ''/'v'Tb Abai.— Does F. T. J. expect to make a ..^fortune at Omaha? Tommy is half an inch i taller singe he raised the watch Charlie, was . it the cap or the head that Maggie wanted, '.', . One girl's enough, Frank. • Whangaboa NoRTH.-r-The Kaeo rat has been ;' -' -rejected j she. says he must wait until he grows : ■whiskers.,... .Dug, beware of that widower! ; . " Where is the Registrar of Dogs? The howling ,' . t.4>f. ,collaries3 tykes at midnight reminds one of ; , pandemonium.. Ask W. about that rich cake. !> , Fj-at, Bush.— The heavy-weight Salvationist ' /should not use naughty words because she slipped , 'on.the road to pi'ayer meeting The converted ; bullock propeller has taken to swearing and , dancing. Sic transit gloria The Salvation ; Captain must have offered a powerful prayer ■;. When he burst the log, brute strength and other , . means having failed. ;'!•? Hblensyilie. — What took B. to town ? Was it to 1 cure his lacon? Noah very often , walks the cemetery road now. Look out, Janet. '",..... Great rejoicing over J. S. joining the Blue ';.:< Bibbon Army Mrs Gt. looked a little too good fastening the blue on. the gents War to the ihife— H. C. P. commencing lecturing. Me L. .'delighted. Wade. — It wa3 very naughty of Emma and ' Thrice to laugh aloud in church Andrew, the girls are fooling thee Scarlet was the prevnil--.ing colour at Bruriton's kiok up What was that howling at the head of the Wade on Sunday ■[ aiight— the Salvation Army ? Pianos are be- .. coining as common as kerosene tins. / Pol£ok.— Who was the gentleman that got the , young. lady's consent on Sunday, after service, to .go to the dance with him on Monday ? It was yery naughty, of her to decline, after him going to .. tlie trouble of getting a pony for. her Was it because Miss W. did not go to the dance that R. H. shed so many tears? J. looked disappointed "• i-'-yrhqn he was told that there was no dance. ' . .Mangapai.— George's new waterproof coat is s >;gdaranleedtokill at fifty yards. The Doctor „ wants, tp know what Me is propping up his gate i, ipost so often for?. The young lady that played . ; the National Anthem at the last magic lantern entertainment must belong to the Fenian brotherliood.....;Some of B.s friends ought to advise him not. to make a fool of himself trying to give reci- / tations. .'.• ■-PffKEKOHE,-^ Another addition to the "Loafer's 1 'Oornfer." Mama delighted — G-eorge in ectacies. ...... On* newly 1 fledged J.P.s mustered m full strength at the opening of the Court House. ? Justice should be meted out as (WJright predomi..aates .Take care T. W ! these breaches of etiquette must not be repeated T. W., puts on an appearance of importance and solemnity . that would have done justice to a Supreme Court 'Judge., ' ' \Mangatvai Beacil— What did widow M. .mean by that reference to the Common Prayer JBook '? . [She may have meant that the marriage ceremony should be made applicable to widows ■ r.oply, 'for, a spelL-rEd.] George is practicing lullabys in anticipation of the advent of the , ifcrins...... "Uneasy lies the head that wears a wig, bufci.money covers all defects D. says that imore than he will go mad over that beautiful . wretch The butcher's boy looks well spooning .•with one eye in mourning and his arm in a sling ;■•.'.'.. .:Teddie, those violets won't take J.M. is 'about to paint' the, cage. ;'■ /Daibt Flat. — Since Ned hired a piano, and ,;fthe mail contractor bought one from "mine ;uncle " for the heireßs, Alice is jealous ; for she /thinks no one in the district is of sufficient import tosport a Brinsmead......Ted is bucking up to Maggie. Tohgoßob had better look out sharper. ; . . . .How are the two Bills getting on ,> with thepotato whisky ?...;.. Tom is like Jacob of ©Id, just entering on his second' seven years labourtb win his darling The Blue Ribbonists -/Jiave met a rival army here, who sport a red •badge. .Their motto is, "Never Refuse." ; V Wahted, five or more performers for the piano-;fort;e.-r-Appiy.tothe principal settlers at' Dairy „ J"lat and Wade. Salary : Tobacco, matches, and , tucker free. New< sNiit of clothes at Christmas. . , : , didn't .the excursionists go ; ■ -iout pyer the;bai? the secoMtnp of the Moturoa ? „;3Sr. .said. Ke f . didn't; want , to, get wet, but he got .;■•■; JiojtlMßJ V wet " over! Holmes' bat shortly afterwaijdsi; and . he didn't object. . .... .Who is " Hospi'&&*?*ti»»i u 'ty&k? seems:, to have lost his .spirits since, the " boss." returned. ;Go in for ' another Holiday, old man, !.,.... f hear the Public V;|Nl .^Wpajay ar^getting.dry ; they want some -more meetings; Nothing like a *{ bob in " to hurry ftoese things aheftd.,^... Another- mysterious fire. ,jWhp sleptin tHeJoftthe night previous t/.. ...Was ,;that:aw^e.pf,h(wserbreaking that took place ?when,orim wanted, to. round to the steamer ?. '' H Wjj, tliere^ ? -na secret in. it, as any man could, ■ ) .'■ •; J&9*e s Jbp^se £o with; iour strong men pushing /"W&ih.d^and^ibe*le>dingT:.,r;. ; J;h>ear there was con« ;■-■■ MsraWeJflu'fci^ at, the Masonic Ball. The grass \-^^^P^^-i^(wld^w^^;^ft^V:*A7Our. >\^M^ifcj^fOT

Whang-akei.— Whangarei has lost one of its belles in Miss McDonald...... Maude says love in a cottage is all very well, but she prefers a drive now and again. to drinking lemonade all her days. .... ..What takes J.S. so often to the valley ? H. denies his engagement with the widow B. looks' the picture of b»ppiness(?) since her return...... Why didn't W. turn ; up at the Boxing Club ? Was it out Of kindness and consideration for the othera P. .....Why baa E.C, secluded himi self so much lately ? Has his love-making proved .unsuccessful ? Nil Besperan'dwn, Eddy. Tattbanga.— We have recently been getting some strange doses, e.g., quotations from Prof, de Ville's Agricultural Chemistry, without inverted commas, which seems like metempsychosis. The last dose is by an agricultural science student, who gives the harrowing diagnosis, including itrichinal metamorphosis, of that fell destroyer " trichinosis." Each pastoral quid nunc row proses : "This accounts for our moribund sheep's swollen noses." We are now yearning for a companion essay from the A.S.S. on the subject of " Trichiniosis," to illuminate us as to the eccentricities of the Tauranga asses. ' G-isbobnb. — Mrs Hacche, Mrs A. M. Browne, and Mr Morgan-Morris, having exerted themselves on behalf of a 1 poor man with a large family, "who recently ruptured a blood-vessel, succeeded in collecting £52 on his behalf, This speaks well for the charitable disposition of the people of Gisborne Messrs Webb and Mogridge, the erstwhile proprietors of the Standard, have gone " the way of all flesh." They are unable to meet " their engagements with their creditors," and have filed their schedule. The 30th of August is fixed for first meeting.... What is the attraction for G-.M. at the stationer's ? F.O. has gone back to the bakery Why does Garry rc>ake such grimaces going into church ? Is his boot too tight ? O.Y. need nut lock so unhappy, his adorable will soon return The young lady that laughed in church last Sunday night had better look out I hear H.C. is to be married next Christmas, but not down here — his mother says be mustn't. Whanganut.— Who were those two young ladies tha^j were cavorting around with the greengrocer? Georgy, the little duck is aweary ; when is it coming off ? Does H look sad because of the sudden departure of W. ? What. is the matter with the little photographer ? That barmaid does not seem to mi9S Ross much. What made that portly centleman look so cross, when he asked G. H. how(e) he was to «et a Bible to swear the debtor ? Next time Jimmy M., spoons with M., at the S. Hotel he should see that there is no one in the room opposite K. H. says that when Ted L. dances every one else has to leave the room. Put some lead on your feet Ted ! The Fire Brigade Hall assemblies are becoming very popular under the able management of Mr D The Naval Artillery held a most successful invitation ball on the 11th inst., about 200 couples being present. The music supplied by the Garrison Band under Bandmaster Hunter (late of the Thames) was excellent. OTAHtTHir. — J.H. has ceased his astronomical studies since Mick began visiting Chapel -street... ...Is it Nellie or the grape vine that attracts J. T. to Chapel-street so of ten ? Can it be possible that Mick has been forsaken at Panmure, and retreats to the old spot in Chapel-street ? Beware, John! Is it true that Owen and the little Dot have made it up again ? The blncksmith has given up smoking since he met Jumbo. Cloves and cinnamon in demand Has Mi*s H., of the Grange, lassooeci our bicyclist? Soap in abundance since Hugh and Bill returned from the Flat Bush hop Barney has decided to take the fatal leap, and is selling off his horses There is great rivalry between the poacher and the Jehu for the hand of the Star cook Is it E. or the parson that attracts Or., of Otara ? I would advise those young ladies at the grocer's not to play dance music on Sundays, as people will talk. Hastings. — We can boast the meanest man in N.Z. A short time ago he went into a fruiterer's shop, and wished to buy a whole shilling's worth of fruit. On paying for this immense order, he demanded discount, because it was a cash transaction. This same gentleman (for so he calls, himself) once invited a few friends to have a little gymnastic exercise. . During the evening a lamp accidentally got broken. This nip-cheese then wished to know how much each guest would give to purchase another, as he could not be expected to stand all the expense himself. We can also boast the most disgustingly dirty woman Our political butcher intends running for the Mayoral chair when Hastings, is proclaimed a Borough The " General " is going to have a billiard tournament to-morrow evening, when most of the local sports will have a shot • my tip is Leonard K. or Tyack......Our larrikin clerk, being too fond of carrying a six-shbeter, has been obliged to clear, and leave some lamenting friends I'll back our Post-office clerk to do a meal of toast with anyone living ; I believe Kelly is going to 'charge him an extra ten bob a week for board, owing to his liking for that delicacy. „..;Our scenic artist has been six weeks over the Town Hall scenes, and has one flat nearly finished...... Mrs Lawliss gave a dance last ni^ht., which was a most enjoyable affair. Miss Dennet and Miss Gallien were the two best dressed ladies in 'the room; while Mrs Thayer was the best j dancer. Of the gentlemen, " Telegram " certainly danced hardest; while Charley and H. O. were on a par for gracefulness. Me. got a nasty cropper, but wa3 soon on his feet again, none the worse for the mishap. ' Te Aboha. — Young Jack has started an aviary here, and not satisfied with two mba's and. a blackbird, he must actually get two live caw-caws. His old man tells me he should not at all' wonder if his next addition was a blue mountain parrot —a most unwilling animal to speak, Jack The new comic song, " A cat's rambles to the goody goody's saucepan," by G\. Mills, can be had by I' applying, to that. gentleman with la 6rl Overpolite was laughably illustrated at Waiorongomai during the laat. panorama, at O'KiVexpense. Ha! ha ! ha t ; I 'mwst'li^^^^ I.think--pi -it. , ;<l^miJßJ» ■ first 1 Jell ..you. ijficJfy'ia | notorious ; ;iady r killejv,''s^ the 'panorama' '-was' right ?i ln^ ; "H&M8 r . vljis

lie had t9 apply to Applegate for a pair, number 7 size, but could only be supplied with number 6, which Mick found almost skin ; tight. In going into the dancing-room with Mag on his arm, he bowed rather too too, and — oh! tell it not in Gath, and publish it not in the gates of Askelon — > R.I.P. went the lower extremities of hia No. 6 ! To retire and diligently appl y needle and thread was his only alternative. Again he appeared, as he thought, ■ .••"'■'' All properly adjusted, , But in picking up a handkerchief the darned stitches bursted, , And when the misraing link appeared, great Caesar 1 how he cursed it, ' '„.. And left the Hull and Margarot, disheartened and disgusted. ' , , The concert and dance in aid of the Church of England fund attracted a crowded attendance, and the entertainment wa9 a genuine success. Meadarnes Lawless and O'Halloran are a great addition to the T© Aroha talent, while Messrs Dewar, Boyne and Burgess deserve much praise for their contributions to the programme. The band opened the concert- with a fine selection. Kiliau sang a pretty song in a very Jcillen style. Mr Lawless and Mr Hassett were very good in the piece, " Money Matters." Miss Hood did justice to the song, "Fairy Tomple," and Miss Wainwright was an accomplished pianist. The choir, conspicuous among whom was Mr Scott, was very efficient. Dancing commenced at 12 o'clock, but the absence of Mr Feeuy, our worthy M.0., was much regretted. Mr Sykes, however, filled the vacancy with great credit. The honour cf belle I award to Miss Tonge, who wore black. All tho young men of Waiorongomai joined the Blue Ribbon Army before they came home. Paeeoa.— Oji dif : that C. F. and J. M. want Government lo construct a road to the moon Who are those two young persons in the choir that giggle so much ? -There is a rumpus in the P. M.S. Another star in the ascendaat The ruddy young merchant is erecting a mansion. Miss B. will change her name, and become its mistress Paeroa is the city of the three Gr.'s — grog, gas, and goats. Jt is not generally known that this famous city boasts a Secret Society, whose sole aim and object is the total destruction of the Thames County Council, to be followed by the adoption of local self-government, or Home Rule. Should moral suasion fail to enable the society in question to accomplish the object in view, dynamite will be resorted to, and Brodie and his ba/id will be summarily despatched to that bourne whence no councillors return. Who was received right royally by the Paero.'iites ? Te Kooti. Who put "Rowley's pipe out ? Te Kooti. Who travelled from hotel to hotel arm-in-arm with Charley ? Te Kooti. Who is engaged by the Paeora Committee to wipe out the Thames County Council ? To Koor.i. Who is going to be the Paeroa representative in the new council ? Te Kooti. Who do the 1':i: : '- sex of P:;.:rou, sircar by ? T« Kooti Jack look • down in the moutlt since his return from t.ht; metropolis. Did the auburn -haired damsel iik. Thee, J tick ? L, looks three feet taller since tlie advent of the son -and - heir. It is a sight W the gods to -^ little- L nursing his olive bra huh T!i<>;-eru'e no eligible. men in the district, and liu> lo'.'ul bt;auti.-!j 'ire beginning to tumble t.o the i'aet that i;: •..i.journing here they are but wasting their sweetness on the desert air. Nbw Plymouth.— The Estimates for 1883-4 have been issued, and many nre the grievous disappointments in the Government departments on account of expected increases not appearing. Those Government officials who have been married during the year, or had increases in their families, naturally looked for an adequate increase in their " screws" ; but., alas ! in vain. The Colonial Treasurer was inexorable In connection with the steamer passing by, thereon hangs a tale— a matrimonial one. A gentleman in business in Auckland was coming down by the steamer to get married to a Taranaki. belle. She was all expectancy, hoping soon to embrace the object of her choice, but he was carried on by the steamer to Nelson, and thence to Wellington, and the wedding day had to be postponed. It came out all right in the end, and the happy couple are now in the full enjoyment of connubial happiness I think it only right to record it, as a warning to all young Indies (and young gents likewise) contemplating matrimony, not to — " count their chickens before they're hatched !" ;The Town Cierk and old T., the brewer, ure "hail fellow well met." I heard a pretty "tall bet," as the Yankees say, being made as to whether the Town Clerk or Mr T. was the most substantial. Be that as it may, it is satisfactory to know that Mr T., 1 aving removed to Wai tarn, there is now only one Corporation and Town Clerk in New Plymouth, whereas, formerly, there were two Corporations, but only one Town Clerk. Waitara's jealousy of New Plymouth will surely now cease, for she can boast of a Corporation quite as extensive as that of New Plymouth How happy that Herald man looked when seated beside the three charming actresses during thejr " off " night at the' Alexandra HnlJ. How many times did the slj old dog go out. each night during the season and have a tete-a-tete in the green- ! room ? Oh, fie ! and he a married man, too. There is another Mac. (familiarly known as the bush lawyer), who is worthy of notice. His hobby is nofc actresses, but actions —legal suits, in fact. He is. actuated b\ a most intense desire to tender legal! advice gratis, and, wherever thero is a row, Mac. is sure to be in it. All his proteges, however, invariably go to the wall, notwithstanding his advice. He was in «cs,tacies at the prospect of Sir George Grey's Law Practitioners' Bill being passed, and he had .determined to apply at once for admission to the bar. ■

FIIBS ANI> Bv&s, Beetles, insects, rpnckes, auts, bed-bujja, rata, mioa, gophers, jack -rabbits, cleared out by " Rosgh oh Rats." ' 7id. Moses, Moss & Co., Sydney, General Amenta, „ "Bbiot," March 1881.— The "RoyaljAtnetbyst" Vtflveieon is brie wJiihh will become l a greWfe favourite, t'u) colour beinfT «xcellent 4 boing bhte black. wiibout pos«ossiug, tbat oxtromel.y J>l tie ■) tint aoiiie velveteens Lave., and which . rwi tiers them upflt for mixing -witb other -itlaOlc ixtatcsrialis. The *'RoyalC^U»e-' ihysD" is distiiifeuianed by th.c iieculisrit^ o^ liaVinkiis ntijii« stftiaped upon.'titc aclvpa^o of the;y<JysJ;e9^??liet9 ' It can bo easily. 9Mp^^Th*.'»^.^"j^rf^^.fh^''iffi^|ft: "very ; Qte»e KticT 2rm', f hJ^iawKf itself ,h&iijr^tliifi^eCwai ,h*ftbter't.faiiK' yelyetehsi • naii&ffl^, js it "w;;&klKSi}tft>sdSiß(3i*/