THE COUNTRY

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 146, 30 June 1883, Page 233

THE COUNTRY

TtrRApsGA CREEk.-r-What;niUßb the Salvationists think of Mrs H. when she brings her lunch in a baskbt to eat in eh.ur.ch ? [That she, would. make a gopd:,,Coinmissar^Gl-eneral;-r-Edt.]^ Pukekohe.— ls, the leather trade dull, or', is the matutinal stroll taken as an airing for the poodle P Now is the^time for a strict red-ribbon man to start in 'the dog-collar and soft soap line.' Wairoa, South.— Those , young folks who go spooning on the water by moonlight had better, mind; "they don't catch c01d...... Wh0 are the young ladies who attend the meetings in order to pick up beaux ,?, Mangapai:— Eb. 6ays he likes to i do some good for the district by getting up a raffle once a month. Of course he makes nothing out of them. \.'.;!';B. does'not make use of very choice language ,>bff ore ladies. :;••••!*. '■. '■ . Ohaupo.— Rumour says the. reason why the widow left G-eorge wag because lie paid too much attention to the charming brunette at Auckland. Cqromandei.. — Tauraki is. now used to gather mushrooms with at Trig. Hi11...... 1t is true that there was a meeting held to invite Lieut. Johnny Bowerman, of the Salvationists, to come here What did R.D. get the bull-dog for ? Was it to catch Kate ? Whangaroa North. — Mac. is trying to prevent a further escape of gas Society here cbnj gratulates itself on Wharton's departure. That species of talent is not always appreciated ...... ■ t The dominie aspires to teach an adult school,., rumour says. : • Whangabei Heads. — Our , school-teacher is soon going to ..Btart housekeeping on his own account. He has bought the " dearest little earthenware teapot you ever saw." Gro»d. on you, Kysh; may your teapot of happiness be for ever full. '"'.•.,/ Wood side. — What did Miss P. think while playing forfeits "when tlic barmaid told T. M. to kiss her ? [Perhaps ehe thought it was naughty but nice, and wanted her whack. — Ed.] The evangelistic "commotion has died out, but the blue ribbons remain. East Tamaki.— What does Alf . think of the lady preachers ? [He isn't alf a man if' he doesn't kiss one of them right away. — Ed.] { What made Billy so anxious at the party, when Kate came running to the door and kissed her ? [Quite right too. It was only a kind of Katenation. — i£d.] PANMUEB.-rWhat was Mr O. L, , doing with those onions the other night P Too bad of Mary to cut iEsculapius at the wedding party. | Charlie was premature in settling the extras on his sister Ned's retm'n was hailed with delight F. H.s personal attractions have won the music-teacher's heart. . . ■ Morrin sville. — The " bones '.' are a favourite amusement at a certain house on Sunday even- ; ings...... It was too bad of old B . to sheot that hare oh ' Sunday eveuing. [He is evidently a Sabbafc-harey-'un.] .Why don't the local larrikins patronise the local barber ? [Because they are probably too barber-ous already.] i Fokekohe. — If our local J.P. shows the same i judgnscu*"- -a a court of law as he did in taking I thw poiiy «■;•• in-* -.atMe. show, he will be an ornaI tnciit to the dtf^rict What was Jim O.s little j gaji'.o li:.it aide nighf. ? Be careful, old man, there lis fe watch, on you ., . Wat, not G-rar.nv ia s. way • about, the desertion I C'-n covers multitude of | faults What was it J. v.nd M, naw at the ; Iruiding ? Kaukapakapa. — Weddings are the rage here just now. Mr Willie Oswilderston was to be married to Miss Cameron, of Auckland, in town, on the 20th, and about half-a-dozen other weddings are to take place between this and Christmas ' ' The Mayflower " has abandoned the Surveyor, and transferred her affections to a gentleman in town. Cambridge. — Why did those bank clerks stand in the hall at the concert with their hats on ? [Probably they did not want an (over) draught, and desired to cheque it, or they may belong to the bald-headed brigade. — Ed.] M. would have found himself in an awkward predicament if that ladj 's husband had returned home on the night of the ball. There would have been a maul in goal. Wairoa (H. 8.). — Susie says Joseph's coat is not promised There is a new light at the church organ P. is severe on the ladies. He says paniers were only intended for donkeys. (Why doesn't he wear one then?) C. only fell three times at the dance. Hobnails or trhat r The ex-dominie likes piano-playir.a- on the verandah Who stole the Kaiser'i *ig ?is ?,lie burning question of the day. Point Curtis. — Rumour has ie, that X., of Waipu, and Miss R., ditto, will shortly run in double harness How does F. enjoy being rocked in the arm-chair? Mac, you naughty man, how came you to mistake your, room, and cause the ladies to scream ? Was it whiskey or water that caused B. to go twice ie the Licensing meeting? Waiobongohai. — The young timber - man should use leas rum and milk urn! ! more of- the waters of regeneration when he tisxk. renews his baptismal vows Mrs F. mourns tlj-j loss of her brown teapot. All that is left to Hil Colonel of his ancestral fame is a long-hancllecf sltovel When a hungry young man groped bi& way in the darkness to Q.s dining-room the- tf>t)ipr night in search of provender, he found it oqbupiad by a loving couple, and had to retire with appetite unappeased. Flat Bush. — What did the long Miow think when he ran over the sleeping cow ?| [Perhaps he thought he had made a "bull," that the whisky was too strong, or that cows ought not to sleep at all. Oh, hang it, we give it i|p. It was enough to cow him anyway.— Ed.].... '..Has J. P. found the Blue Belle ? [lias this anything to do with the bellowing of the cow, or the man ? — Ed.] The professor has been smitten with the song "Darling I am growing old." Annie did not sing in vain. [We don't want Annie more of this stuff.— Ed.] Kaitaia. — An epidemic of ill-feeling is prevalent just at present, owing to some person designating the procepdings . of certain parties as obtuse,- while the parties themse^es hold that it was sharp practice. The committee for the

;^lassifiea#qri-tt^ Jn/determhiing^t^ of , jeasch ' faniily, more; bs^ecmlly v as thedCike is objectedtto as leader, and", sincerfris accession to the title; of. Baron BMgy the dimciillty bits' become greater.;'... MrvMi' Kingsfoi-d; has 'returned from : a trip: to : England^ arid was warmly -welcomed back by his old friends. ■'■' -.. >■'■■•■.'.:•' ■•. •■_• ■•; ' . 1 Wanoaitui.— Did Fred give Miss =R. up be? cause of her ?ow# flirtation :?...... Why did that baehful insurance agent blush when he passed ; the young ladies in the Avenue?.. [Because the Wouldn't help it. Let us av-e-nue style, old 'man.' . This is played but.] ;..... What attracts the young tailor so often to the Major's ? [Perhaps he wants his measure — of whiskey.].. .... What caused G-. A. to blush so when the fair S. asked him where he left his blue -ribbon ? .Moonlight flirting seems to agree with the young grocer and Lottie F ;Since Constable S. joined the Benedicts, Constable W. always seems to have* special duty, opposite a certain cab depot in Ridgway-steee^. " W^itaba.— Vengeance is sworn by Charlie against the little dressmaker for that article about the' holiday... ...Joey 'P. still sports the dead man's coat. Is it but of bravado ? How did he raise that btiggy ?.„... Who are the few leading men who have not' paid their subscriptions to the Bryce memorial? It is ' aaid l they were "all there" at the banquet.. '..'..Greatest sympathy is felt for Tuttiy, and a general' wish is expressed' that he will make another start. "Cheer up, Sam, don't let your spirits go diovin" .Me Arthur must 'have lost his self-control when he viade that bet with the skipper of the Oreti. No good, Mac; she ife one too many for the old boat. The church" entertainment was only passable, the duet by'Mesdames WMtakeir and Baker, being' one'of the best items. Miss Woods second song was rendered ' very nicely," but she was rather nervous in "Neapolitaine." A word, in the best of feeling, to some of the ladies who played the accompaniments : Please subdue the piano, and give th 6 singers, a chance. %o, offence is meant by 'this hint. Arid those gentlemen, -who gave readings should remember that brevity is the soul of wit. The gentleman who sang " The tar's farewell," is surely not the musical critic of the Press / If so, we can account for some of his tips. Mr Tattori "is improving wonderfully since he attended the singing class. Mr O'Daye rather astonished the aiidience with his grand finale in " Happy be thy. dreams." We shall have to raise that ceiling if this sort.of thing is encouraged I wonder whether Varmer B. gets home any easier now he has. changed his residence We hear; no more complaints about the goss-look. Tattranga. — Jack Harrington, son of Colonel Harrington, has been here visiting his old friends, during the last week or- so. The younger, members of the community got up a pleasant dance in hie honour on Friday night, which, of course, was a success It is currently reported that Miss Pompey Fletcher, of the Katikati royal family, will- next August lead to the hymeneal altar the blushing Claudet The Bellyvue no longer knowi its lord. He left on his " tower "of the universe by last week's steamer, amidst the .tearful farewells of all the able-bodied inhabitants, who were on the wharf to see him off, and to whom he left the shadow when the substance faded in the shape of an autobiography in the next morning's "Buster." He has apparently met with many surprising adventures, not the least wonderful of which is that related in the autobiography, where a man fell off one: of his carts and was killed, but was afterwards discovered to be alive when he was taken to an hospital, in which he was finished next day. The hospital" ~ple charged Mr Bodell £5 for the working off, "\ use he wasn't a convict I" Of course, such extc v .tion could not be brooked, so James left the country, and it has never been the same since A wellknown citizen has completed a work, entitled The Seer of the Belly vue,or Reminiscences of a successful man," which will shortly be issued from a prominent English publishing house. The book will extend to four large volumes, and will contain chapters on " A terrible march," " The Transport Corps," " Eed paint," " Rum 'uns," " Bond versus free," "My first plunge at matrimony," " The widow and the orphan," " Water and popularity," " An ungrateful people," " A contested election," " When Jimmy comes marching home," and other subjects of undying interest on which the gifted author's opinions should have weight The two sole survivors of the once numerous band of Cadets, having completed their agricultural education, are now studying another phase of Colonial life — the country pub. The elder twin presides at the bar, v. ail'? {.he youngest aad most innocent (apparently) j hai accepted iht chief enginecrship of the dray ] \ wbii.,l; brings supplies t-o tho seat of and keeps | open tbe Hue of retreat- on civilization..;... The ■ three young gentlemen who organic. 4 , ft recent . hop should have been less reticent oii the subscription element. It quite harrowed the soul o£ jamtartism to discover at the last moment (as many did) that it " wasn't a free show." New Plymouth.— How elegant that youthf ul doctor appeared at the Courtenaj -street School, when he was showing the misses the wsy to amuse themselves on the new i»«rrygo*round which has been provided by a liberal Education Board for their special advantango. Did not some of the mammas look approvingly on? Did Mr H. get any adequate idea of the amount of pressure on the town w,ater supply pipes when that wicked turncock opened the stand-pipe and let him have the full volume of water straight in the face ? Perhaps he will be more careful in future in denouncing the Water Supply scheme as a failure "Oliver" again figured rather conspicuously at Moturoa the other, day. He and his party having just taken a run down to the Breakwater to see that Mr Rhind was doing his work properly, afterwards adjourned to the pub. for a "refresher." Oliver, with his usual cheek, told the landlady to bring in. the special bottle which the landlord kept for the benefit of his select friends. The, old lady, not knowing Oliver, and resenting his impudence, brought in some special decoction and placed it on the table without a word of comment. Oliver, with a merry twinkle in his eye, proceeded to hand the grog round, but when tie. raised it to His lips — oh ! stars and garters— what a howl followed! He has not found out yet Whether it was vitrol or. kerosene...... The Good Templar party hare, been very active on licensing matters lately, and they

io^^o^c^^o^fp^^o^-. last the'iDrad '^Jny^tere, M^ Mi is that tH^'"^^^^^^©^^^^^^^ corisist largely o£ . Good Templar es The'ckmtoitteGs heLVdbeefi'shqwing .-theft ttfettle by rWd&ciiig!the"iibtifs tff iifceDses from 12 to 10 o'clock,- afitd ■■"id* one case: tliey' refused to grant a renewal' of : a 1 license to -one o£ the publicans. This has created' consternation, and it is beginning to be realised that licenses are very precarious things, and 'are ntit^granfced to a man for the term' of rhis ! nattoal-1ifei...:..! would give 5 a -word of warning to that young, lady,' of > Bell Block,— not to be 1 Been K hovering round the auctioneer's; back premises again, or the old Bcandal will be revised j and-wiirhot.be 80 easily hushed up as before. Now, do -take my advice, like a good girl, • and don't J give occasion for any. more Whisperings. If the young man. ♦ will not come after ; yo'u in a proper gentlemanly fashion,' I would scut the connection.:.. ...The ladies of the Philharmonic Society subscribed a few threepenny pieces and bought' a' "pair o£ \ candlesticks, which they presented to Miss Wildman, the pianiste. The motive that prompted them to such an act was the fact that hitherto Miss Wildman, at the practices, had to play with, two bottles stuck on each side of the piano, to do duty for candlesticks. The ladies could not stand that apparent state of impecuniqsity any longer, so they determined to buy the candlesticks and present them to Miss Wildman. The best of it is • Miss Wildman, it is said, will keep the newcandlesticks at home, and still use the bottles for" practice nights. The speech, of the president on the occasion of the presentation waß uniqjie, and caused quite a " flutter " among the fair sex t What has caused a genial tobacconist, J. A., to suddenly turu publican ? However, as he is not a new hand at fche trade, he will undoubtedly make a good Boniface What an awful " chuck out " Constable Roche gave that embryo politician on Tuesday night, when he continued'asking such I impertinent questions. The example had a very good effect on the larrikins, who quietly subsided for the remainder of the evening..;... When ia the water going to be turned on again; in the ornamental lagoon in the Eecreation Grounds ? Is Mr X., the eminent marine engineer, still afraid of the dam bursting the moment the first fresh occurs ? Jim D. is very anxious to haVe his iron bridge erected over the lagoon, but he swears it's no use if Skinner won't turn the water on. Besides, the Doctor's fountain and Professor Furlong's ornamental spray-shooter can't work if there iB no water. Everything in the Eecreation Grounds has gone crooked ever.Bince the engineer got " scared " about Wiggin's »torm. It .is rumoured that he is recovering from his fright, and he will allow Darby to turn the water on, set the fountains agoing, and commence begging for 'further donations ■of Prussian carp. The poor creatures, of course, will again perish, as their predecessors did when the engineer Ordered, the water to be run off. ,'