OMNIUM GATHERUM.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 142, 2 June 1883, Page 168

OMNIUM GATHERUM.

, The Auckland Timber Company are advertising for " a Tail-man. V Here's a chance for the " Missing Link." Servants are servants these times. A party as an inducement states " there's no washing" done at this place. By a strange L uiomaly applicants are directed to apply afc the "' Cascade." The Committee of the Queen's Birthday Ball at New Plymouth, did a neat stroke of business by giving out that the G-OTernor would be one of the guests, a very knowing dodge to make the tickets sell freely. A publican of Ilkeston, near Beiper, has joined the Blue Ribbon Army, and to show the sincerity! of his conversion, has pulled down his signboards, and presented them to the " Army " as trophies. He also had all the ale and spirits in the house washed down the gutters. Ohinemutu must be a lively place. Last week it was reported that Government was going into the "body snatching" line, by BOnoving corpses from the native burying ground Jo Brimstonville cemetery. Tt is now reportee in the daily journals that some vagabond is trying to " abrogate the Thermal Springs." Some people are painfully exact in business matters. A poor fellow got his foot torn off at the ankle the other day ut Riverhead, with a hawser. He was brought down to,the Hospital for treatment, and some good SjKmfcritan undertook to look after his belongings.! The party did so with painstaking fidelity, lav among other. " effects" he brought down to Auckland the, man's foot in the boot, just as it had been torn off. I A licensed victualler, the other day, met one of of the G-overnment lady "helps," arrived recently, and asked her if she was hiring. She eyed him with a look of contemn/and indignantly asked "if he thought that she had come 16,000 miles to be hired out as a ' slavey' by a blooming artist like him ?" " Extremes meet," says Douglas Jerrold. The latest instance is the handsome bequest made by Mr W. A. Graham to the Churchnf St. Stephen's at~ Tamahere, namely the lanq&n which the Tamahere Hotel stands, leased aAajground rental' of £12 per annum. The church \iflw becomes in-, terested in the success of the Tamahere " whiskeymill," and the memory of the First Martyr of the Christian Church associated with pick-me-ups she-, oak, greased lighting, shandygaff, and longsleevers! ■ Mr Goodson would do well to stop the issue of his one-pound note posters. A publican was victimised by a woman this week with one of them, soiled and ragged. Whicli ? fehe woman ,or the note ? Both. He is now talking advice; about an action against Mr GL for the recovery of his departed twenty schillings.. The old. Cash. Ealace, at the Thauiesj once advertised, rwitk , . fivers, _. and j2 was,gl ! withdrew Jh,ein;froiit;cir| culation/tx) eaye Thejj ««*,- buii&Ts $c£

, buU6Ung;'near Barracks)', Tbeing' ',- utjde^tfie^mp^siSp*?fcl%^iM® was tlie dep6fc'for/tlie''B^li';;female^im^g|^p§^^| in,order.to , select a girlof.! l^.T^i^^&i^^pt her inquiries,'tte norri»||rm v alKr6n^a3finf^^^3^^ by* the " son of the sdil"?iKi duty, "•'. ■ <t }'Pl&z&^^MM§4 they've .got them in s tHe Ouk^sMetf^^^*^ The constable Had muddled, up" the and the above 'institution, in. anaffgit&h course,, opening.his mouth,, " put)hisifdpt^^;s^;/rf Sergt.-Major Pardy has made himself for his legal acumen,- la's regird^lars^iijp; ! j but his.legal abilities are only secq'nd wit at perpetrating] a gb6 i a-'joke'..;.V^Cii^^6iw^;^ ,day, within the-;precincts ->l of -ihe mouth Police Court, Mr ■ Pardy was^^a|)]|feßJJfct rough on an old • warrior- who has'rsptlJgsßj|P in the gory • battle, fields ,-. of Inkermanfr^^>.|^ the Crimea. The old red-coat, wild '<'ss?s& brought up before the "beak." ; f6r having/pvfeij«f^ drawn on his rum allowance, wore, unusuallyjlopg,^, locks of hair, and his tout ensemble wtfs'tbe'irer^i verse of that required for an inspection ..paraclei^"'^ Mr Pardy (loquiter) : "When did tkjß.Vi^army ?" Prisoner : " InV 1857.''. "Have you never cut your hair siribe.?''•"')V'C/dnr'^-^:; fusion on the part of the prisoner, and a mjitte^f} , ;^i ing of something about teaching sergt.-maJOTSiyU^ how to do the " goose step." i-^,K:"&% A TINT ■ "■•'" ~-'• A tiny waist! • ■' '• ■'^V^V-^J My lady sighs ; , • ' ' ._ '.'>>" ; j;'"!i^ And her languid eyes ,- .' - ; - M vV";^i Look sad in the morning light; ; . i ,; , ! V.^ Head and heart both ache,- . •■• And her hands, they shake, ' ■ . ', L . -~t: *; And her lips and oheeks/are^jriufce;'../''^:^' l^ Of the pain of pleasure she knows the,tast6iy/>^j\^ And the price she pays for a tiny waisfc. '■'<..s'<'}'■■.~.'£\fii Each day in the Park '■ ■ ','<,;' f - '".yvijif;^ The men remark ', . -• / „ .??'.>< Her girdle of eighteen inches j ' ~. j>4.^ They praise her dress, ;; -V'i "wi But they never, guess • , ■' , ;'■ T' ! ":>' How that exquisite garment pinches—-^-| '■$?; -^ How her body is tortured, and tightly laced;)^,;;!^ And what price she pays for a' tiny waist. '/- \'t '^)f Her maid could say : .-'-'■ •.V^-!. What there's to ,pay . \ '; ':Y^.'x^. For a figure so slight and slender ;.•;■;'"-":.,' And the doctor's bills •'':-. :'■' *K:--$' Might tell of ills ' ~ '~., . ■"; '>%£& Which the folUes offashionen^rtder. , , ->_iVi/'i There's a subtle poison in paint and paste,'\> v -v.'^J And a chill hand circles a tiny waistV-'A ■ ■* ':':'>'■>>. ' % • ■•-•. .-.. ,■■ -If I ..'-;.• :.:;■ :^i There's many a maid /; v> \ >■-.'-.'~%y : , By fashion laid V- . ,';*>•:*/• In the arms of an early grave j . • i\i :.' So maiden and . . -. , '-'v:'.^, Says who's to blame, - ~ ./ s/;;;, And stretch out an arm to save;, ,fV; : V; For death and disease are always placed ', '?'-'-/' : -V , By the side of the girl with a tiny waist. 1 s , v : "?. Dear damsels who '■-.;'"-.s'•T^ Your bodies sci'ew . " ' ',>''^;;"s Into half their true proportions/ i?^r^-"^ It you only heard ,_>■' .-. ■ V-:j--,*,. . :The terms conferred .. • ': ; ;^i/v ; i On your ugly vain contortions, ' ■ ";.-' ' '1 v^ You would not be in such painful haste \' i To make a display of your tiny waisfc V >:.";•(>, Up, women and .I .'•: By tongue and by peVv . ; , :,.,i'i^ Let us drive out this fofly Jaetweerrus,r-; v.l'-Q For nature has given ' ; ■'"■' ''£-,*'''}s%, A spirit of heaven . \>'. ~ - . V ; '^ Unto you, and the form of a'Yenup; •. > ,^-M Why spoil such a figure so sweetly /;''!•" v\And bligh life's rose for a tiny waist ? • v / >;.,■{■ We have some eloquent speakers in^the^.^ Mutual Improvement Association. The busine|g;<i\;:; of the meeting on Monday night was ext'e,mpore^V speaking on given subjects.. Iv" the, dourae o!£as ! ji speech on "Printing" Mr F. Baume astpn^Kte^vij his audience by informing them that " were printed." The following is an extract.' frbii ,; ''£ his speech : —" The Thames Adverther'iß%Mw&bo paper, and the Evening Star is also. a t> and they are both printed." It is, ipdeed;?ne^B ; "^* to be told that a newspaper is printed. ■ .After tfie./vv speech was finished, Mac of 3s tea fame cntiois'ejd.iiit rather harshly, whereupon Baume cqoly>ity»i^ formed him that it was as good and contained-^ae^ sound common senee as his (Mac's) own." JBtow* !U \| ; ever, a little variation from the course of busiheß^^Jii like this relieves the monotony of the'raeeting^^ and lends to send the members -(excepting ?tti6s#f|jj concerned in the'variation) home' in good hii I &i'oiu?«§^ An amusing "sell" took place ffie,«t^e^^|^ On the night the Westmeath single,. wpnieil^eTO^l landed and taken to the Immigration ■ number of ill-condHioued fellows went' up^s"i&Si?s; Constabulary Bturracks near the.; IPirkv;ani|^ prowled around under the impressioKttat^inat,^ building was the depot, as some of the papfer^'jnak''^ stated the girls were taken to "the depot,;^b|e£?|< Park." The constables, lying in,their; ]yhtissjjs>f, couches, could hear, throughout. the y io£%i the night, the nocturnal sounds of."th'e.'.'fellb^fl cavorting around the barrack enclbsWe..;\^Tli:^%? police were greatly tickled at' these:]kr^prof^W youths wasting their time and their breatKjiin'di^'l the fond delusion that " sweet, seventeejti^f^gi^ ensconced within." . Therei may be^some'^^ r djcfc?s women " in the barracks, though tiat ; wi^ry^|| doubtful, but there are certainly no.ybung^onVsi"^'?! A ( young spark of an auctioneer at" .-New % rPly|^ mouth, who is the son of a wealthy ex4>ank§i^p did a very clever thing the other, day.,/^e'^aS%* selling by auction a certain. butcher'sr^^p^) belonging to Mr 8., in Devon-streefr'j^iSut^^ happens that Mr B. has two butcher's'vesfeibKsli^ mentsin the same street—one,,at!;insign^eMfe^,little shanty, in the east end ■ofVihe 'tpwn^and^ the other, a respectable looking place in^tlie^enr^ centre of business and a: valUab^Bi{^?i4i^| advertisement was worded.so - a,mbigupu&lyt'fcß«j^ many persons believed it-wastne^t^^bl^rsMt^l that was being sold, and •accordin|iy,^r6jd^mf ji f freely until £55D was reached;,mnen\th^r^^g|\ were knocked down', tp a ;weal|iiy r |Kin^ma^ the cpnsteraaiipflof'Che^CKpngf^lieW^; ,he fO,u&d ,he, had,.; bpiiglijbi fhet^otig%^S^^M thetshe ;had paid] jutßjb)3.p\ible, the , pr^cesfl^^ffl^

scho;p|!4oing^his jsuiosj/ arid -'otherwise' should not attempt'to do. !the. businessof meni ,, '■ ■'[ .-".y;A;'Whangarei/.boniface, who plumes himself : the\thrillingest airs out.of 5 pipe's,:;-Was.'entertaining *£mixed company lately '■> Tvitli/martial strains of Rofc \Roy, and at the place <wblere,.the,applause comes in every pair of hands «tn6te|together with ecstatic joy except those of a gum-digger, who stirred never a of approbation. "T>o ye no raylish the flarmonyy Pat ?" asked the host, chagrined that r-vluß veflrqrts >_. aw,oke no responsive phord in the ,bi the Irisher. " Harmony! J is it ? be mc i If that bullrtarriyer of mine don't drag ' tetter harmony than that out of two wild suckin , gjjgs?and the ould sow, I'll choke him with half6f,y,otii* Kamo poteen, and bury him. without the. benefit of the clargy." Then the L.V. ■ rwa's'glad,to shout and call it quits.