THE BITER BIT; OR, YE BITTER BIT.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 137, 28 April 1883, Page 82

THE BITER BIT; OR, YE BITTER BIT.

In a temple of Baccliug, exactly one hundred miles from tlie north centre and east and''west ends of Queen-street, there dwelt a publican, and,; no doubt a sinner. This publican thus particularised was visited by an individual of the jaunty persuasion, with a Yankee accent, and general 1.0.TT. appearance, who, in the landlord's qwh mysterious sanctum, the holy of holies, as it were, of that temple o£ Bacchus, unfolded unto the ex*' x pectant listener a deed of glorious daring and s'-,5 '-, thrilling adventure, by which over £1000 worth of smuggled brandy of the A one-iesfc quality was ' awaiting the happy man who would purchase it sub rosa for 10s per gallon. A sample: was, pro? duced, and that landlord's lips smacked, and his .-; soul quivered in delicious tremblings at the tempt?-'.. ing bait. Result -He only followed out the half of that Scriptural injunction, which saith, ■" 3jet \ your conversation be yea, yea, and nay, nay," for / he said only " Yea, yea," " only that and nothing : more." ■••,'"' +_ ' ■ - "■,,■; After some further sampling, and a due and proper amount of blushing coyness on the part of ,t. Boniface, the thing was done. Enough caution '■: still remained with him, however, to prevent the ,; transaction being a large one ; but the temptation ■, of 10s per gallon for such brandy as he had beeiju ■< sampling (when the duty alone was Sipf was'"-top'.■"-much for his virtuous soul, and he suffcumbed tc^ft the extent of £10 worth. The casks' were duty:', delivered, paid for, and placed in the cryptic.:,' vaults of the happy, yet fluttering pub. and sinner ;■''." and he felt that he had done a virtues deed in. „thus increasing his. usual 100 per Ait. 'profits;'-* and making them 1000/ per cent. onHfcandy f6r,..-----the next 6 months, thereby preventßj his wife'/ and family ever becoming paupers or^Be-Rtatei•'' .■■''' After one short week of tantalizing!|^^Btation ' Boniface resolved to sample the cas^^kaving:-: some misgiving as to whether they " W^^H^me| quite up to the three star mark, of "^^BKtl^m sample. After due preparation, atid'^^^^^^^B pev amount of that caution to be''''^^^^|^^| such an important operation, the,liq^B^^^^^B out bright and clear ; and raising h^H^^^Hj heaven with mute thankfulness, his, lips in niute: expectatioh-7-r-^iß|i^^^^^^^H

-i-.e" burning harangue that poured out in classic and comminatory eloquence from those lips. Tableau ! It was water. Instead of aqua vitx, it was aqua pura.

The vendor dropped in promiscuously next day, with a bland and smiling countenance, and a bene - Tolent what-can-I-do-for-you-my-love expression .generally, and tenderly inquired if the sample "was such, as to induce further pin-chases. Then were the floodgates of wrath opened by that publican, iut he, the vendor, stnole a smile that would liav%Siade a tuatara lizard die of envy, and said " Oh, bother ! least said, soonest mended, I guess we had better shake hands and have a drink together, and forget all about it." And that publi•can and sinner did then and there shake hands, and^eke did then and there sample his own duly paid " one star " with that bounding brigand of the boundless Pacific ; but he cannot carry out "the latter part of the 8.8. of: the B.P.s recommendation, for he cannot forget all about it, for i;he £10 hath gone from his gaze for evermore. ""Yea, he shall see it " quoth the Raven, " nevermiqye." Moral — Be virtuous and you will be