OBSERVER ESSAYS.

Observer, Volume 5, Issue 117, 9 December 1882, Page 201

OBSERVER ESSAYS.

FIRST ESSAY,

SXEATHEABN. 18th November, 1882.

SECOND ESSAY.

gff TO MANAGE A LOVEB, WITH A VIEW TO Patrimony and futuke happiness.

ladies have sent in competitive essays on above subject, viz., " Strathearn," " Birdie," fKemper Fidelis," " Sala," " Miss 0. Carisbrook," lift gratis," " Dictum," and " Amicus Humani -jMßfcneris." Of these, we publish the first three ■ifflfn this issue,, and shall give the others in our Hfcxtj reserving our decision until then].

IpEB my essay only to deal with " How to junage a lover with, a view to matrimony," it yonld be a comparatively short one, as the only, gang to be done in this case would be to secure {be lover and turn him into a husband by • any jjeans at command. But there is another aspect jo my subject. The " Future Happiness" makes jl the difference in the world. In the first instance, a husband may be caught in any way jhe lady may choose, or which she may find most affective with the man of her choice. But in tlia only honest means may be employed. If he B only a lover, that is, if he has not yet asked the Isdj to be his wife, one of the surest ways of making him do so is for her to flirt, just a little, nth some gentleman of his acquaintance, whom ler lover does not know. This generally has the effect of making him propose, as he is afraid of losing her. Having once accepted his offer, there must be no more flirting, or his jealousy will be aroused. She should be kind and attentive to

him, as well as to others, bat more particularly to fcim ; lady-like in her behaviour, and not forget that though she is engaged to him, he is not yet her husband. We all know " there's many a slip •betwixt the cnp and the lip." She should be honest with him and not lead him to believe her to fee what she is not. There can be few things more falling to the young wife than to hear her usband say, " Had you told me that, I would not have married you." Should he find after marriage that his wife is more perfect than he thought her, his love will be increased ; but ■should he find that she has deceived him, what can he feel but contempt for her sex, and for her in particular ? She should try to gain an accurate knowledge of housekeeping ; thi3 accomplishment, together with neatness of dress and good temper, will do more towards holding the affection of a sensible man than all the music, dancing and aesthetic crazes in the world. After a few months, the novelty of married life wears off. Then it is that the wife's troubles begin. ' She fancies that he is less loving than of old, and - that he is growing tired of her. A sensible woman will understand this change, and after a ■few tears shed in private, will cheerfully adjust bereelf to .it, A less sensible woman would reproach her husband, and with sobs and tears try to bring back what she thinks is his lost love. Such things as these must be guarded against, for when matrimonial quarrels once begin the : difficulty is to know when they will stop. A good

woman will never forget the compliment her husband paid her when he asked her to be his wife ; and if she is careful to honour him as her husband, he will seldom fail in his love and reverence towards her.

When a young lady is engaged to a young man she immediately ought to give up all former beaux, and be faithful to that one in every respect. If she wants to gain the love and respect of the young man, she must be genuine, not dressing herself and making herself look nice merely when she expects her adorer to visit her, as there is nothing a man despises so much as to see a woman practising devices to captivate him. Q-irls ! never be ashamed to let your intended see you doing yonr daily work. You may depend upon it, if he is a sensible man, he will like you all the better for doing your duties in a methodical way ; for does he not require you to do it in his own house ? He does not merely want you to look at, but to be a comfort and a helpmeet to him. Though I have said be faithful to him in every way, yet do not show that you are " head and ears " in love with him, as " a man cares very little for a woman who is easily caught, for better is the prize tliat is dearly won." Always treat your lover in a dignified manner, and, take my word for it, he will think all the more of you if you " ride the high horse." Do not pretend to try your lover's affection by flirting, as it will never answer. You should be sure of his love without any proof. It is sufficient proof that he

loves you, by his choosing you above all women, and you should strive to act so as to retain his love, esteem, and admiration. Always be true do not pretend to be what you are not. If you have any weaknesses, let him know them ; for . if he is deceived before marriage, he will soon find it out afterwards. So, make up your minds that what you are before marriage you will be afterwards. If he likes to see you nice before, surely he will like you to look as well when you are his own "property." This is the advice of a very old married woman, having entered the " happy sfcate " a month ago. Bibdie.

THIRD ESSAY,

Now, girls, I aui going to lay down a few rule 3 as to how to manage a lover, with, a view to marriage and a happy future. In the first place, fellow-girls, when you become engaged, be very sure to treat your intended husband with that due respect which you would accord to one whom you think above all others. By so doing you will undoubtedly gain his utmost regard in return, without which there is no true love. Do not be servile, but let him see you think him the superior being — which, whatever you may say to the contrary, I know you do, and so you ought; for are they not " lords of the creation " ? Respect engenders love. Then, when it comes — when you arfe able to say, I love — not as [some silly young ,

folks say, I am in. love, but I love, with, all my reason, will, and strength ; with all the tenderness of my heart j all the reverence of my soul ; love with perfect trust — then, girls, still your lover will want some managing 5 for men's wayg and lives are so different from, women's. If it should happen that you are living separated by a few miles, and a correspondence is necessary, never by any chance let your lover look for a letter and " want it " ; for hearts undoubtedly meet hearts in correspondence. You know how the heart rejoices and bounds at the sight of the handwriting of a beloved friend ; how it warms and expands in reading the affectionate language which one knows to have been poured forth from a congenial heart — so, girls, always be very punctual with your letters. Again, if you have occasions from any cause to reprove your lover, let it.be done in love, not in anger or sarcasm. Sometimes people drop carelessly, by quiet firesides, and even with <> good-night kiss following, words which leave" a scar for years. I^eHi/iV -girls beware ! keep a good guard on your tongues ; for ; your future happiness is at stake. Also, encourage mutual confidences ; let your lover see that you wish to know all he likes to tell you of his plans and projects ; that you like to listen to them, and would even do more than listen — help. Now, I think I have said enough to my sisters to enable them to see pretty clearly what is required in the management of a lover to produce happiness after marriage, as well as before. One thing permit me to say before closing — Never be wanting in refinement of manners, and treat with all courtesy the man who is to mate with you for life. SeMPBE FIDBI/IS.